Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

To be really upset by pils text

108 replies

AdmiralCLingus · 31/07/2016 20:59

Dd goes to them on Sundays while I'm at work. She's complaining tonight that her tummy hurts because she fell on it today so I text them and asked about it because I don't know whether she's genuinely hurt something or just saying things so I don't put her to bed. (It wouldn't be the first time)

Fil has replied

She didn't fall on or in anything here today we are getting a bit fed up of the continual third degree every time we look after her. We would not allow her to damage herself in any way if it could be avoided. Also we would be sure to tell you if she had.

I really don't understand where this response has come from... it's not like I text them every week accusing them of hurting her or anything! And I also know they wouldn't let her get hurt or anything like that, I just don't know what to her.

I feel pathetic that it's upset me so much

OP posts:

Original poster

AdmiralCLingus · 31/07/2016 22:18

I've never accused them of hurting her dragons. And it's his message tonight that's made me feel like that. I never said I don't pay them either. It's not free childcare

OP posts:

A11TheSmallTh1ngs · 31/07/2016 22:20

So you're allowed to overreact and get defensive and anxious about stuff but if they do, they're cunts and you're glad they won't ever get to see your daughter.

Original poster

AdmiralCLingus · 31/07/2016 22:24

I never called them cunts! And I also didn't say they wouldn't see her. Just glad they wouldn't have to have her while I'm at work

OP posts:

blondieblondie · 31/07/2016 22:24

She hasn't overreacted and she hasn't even defended herself against them! Yes, she's anxious, she can't help that. And she said she WOULDNT call them cunts!

happypoobum · 31/07/2016 22:29

YANBU, it sounds like a really weird text from FIL.

Does he drink?

GreaseIsNotTheWord · 31/07/2016 22:38

If you genuinely have never questioned them before then that's a really weird text for him to send...I think I would have to text back 'What on Earth do you mean?' and let him explain himself.

I think it's more likely that you do ask op tbh, and maybe you think it's casual conversation but they think you're drilling them. Not always about hurting herself but...what time did she have dinner? Did she eat enough? She looks worn out, have you been for a long walk? - type questions.

JohnLithgowsLargeForehead · 31/07/2016 22:49

Really weird of him to send that if you haven't questioned before.. Wonder where it's come from.

Tangfastics · 31/07/2016 22:49

I think the problem lies with the question mark at the end of your text. It comes across as somewhat accusatory as you haven't explained the question.

That said, their response was OTT.

FlyingElbows · 31/07/2016 23:02

I too read your text as accusatory. Your question mark is the written equivalent of raised eyebrows and a stare. You mean it as an enquiry but because it's so blunt it reads as an accusation. If you'd softened it with "... but I wonder if she's just wants to stay up late!" it would have been an invitation to conversation. Instead you've gone from potatoes to "did you hurt my child or allow her to be hurt" in one punctuation mark. It's just a misunderstanding which can be easily fixed with a conversation or an "oh no, i didn't mean that at all" text.

QueenArseClangers · 31/07/2016 23:04

Ignore dragon OP. Seems to be a GF on quite a few threads

Sallystyle · 31/07/2016 23:05

So you're allowed to overreact and get defensive and anxious about stuff but if they do, they're cunts and you're glad they won't ever get to see your daughter.

There is always someone who will twist things just to make the OP wrong.

OP YANBU

Benedikte2 · 31/07/2016 23:06

Maybe better to avoid texts altogether except for stuff like times etc. They may be unable to interpret the subtleties of text and take everything literally and see offence where none is intended.
Use the phone instead where they can hear your tone of voice.
Good luck.
Ps some of us are more sensitive than others and cry more easily and those who react differently are almost invariably unsympathetic and think we can control our basic reactions

Witchend · 31/07/2016 23:19

It isn't necessarily asking them about bruises/injuries.

Do you, when you pick her up want a thorough going over what they've done with her? What she's eaten etc.
That's what their response sounds like to me.

It's not unreasonable to ask that sort of thing, but it can be done in an inquisition sort of way that can get people's backs up.

Dutchcourage · 31/07/2016 23:20

op I wouldn't bother calling them. Leave it. Your dd will start school soon and you don't need them for child care.

It's a narky misunderstanding that's getting blown out of hand. Just ride it out till September.

Try not get too worked up over it

AcrossthePond55 · 31/07/2016 23:20

This is just a thought, but if she's had bumps and bruises (which is pretty normal) is there any chance that you've seen them at pick up or DD has shown them to you in front of them and you've made innocent remarks to her ("That must have hurt, sweetie", "That's a bad boo-boo, honey" or "Oh dear DD, how did that happen?") or even made a 'sympathetic sound' that your iLs may have interpreted as you being critical of them? People can be so sensitive about that sort of thing.

Shizzlestix · 31/07/2016 23:29

Think I'd be having a chat if you feel you can next Sunday as you drop her off. You're not giving them the third degree and that comment needs explaining.

BerylStreep · 31/07/2016 23:44

I would second sending a "I'm not sure what you mean, but I'll call you tomorrow to discuss as there seems to be a misunderstanding' text.

Only you can know what your history no relationship is like, but it does seem a very defensive text on your FILs part if the is genuinely no history there.

If you are paying them, it might be worth looking into another form of paid childcare. I liked the poster who suggested earlier saying something along the lines of 'I wouldn't want to impose on your kindness if it's becoming a Kassel for you.'

AtSea1979 · 31/07/2016 23:52

Dutch there's schools on a Sunday? Am I missing something?

bumsexatthebingo · 31/07/2016 23:59

I'm assuming the op won't have to work Sundays once she has childcare Mon-Fri.

junebirthdaygirl · 01/08/2016 05:02

My dc mom gave us a list of things we needed to have in order to have her here. Some important some quite trivial. She had a lot of rules and regulations as also quite anxious. Time has passed now and she probably has forgotten all that but we haven't. Were you very anxious in the beginning and giving a lot of instructions and now they see your question coming on top of that?

allegretto · 01/08/2016 06:13

And this is why it's better to call than text!

TendonQueen · 01/08/2016 07:20

The text wasn't perfect but his reply was unnecessarily narky. All the suggestions of replying with 'what do you mean?' etc are the way to go with this. I wouldn't want to just say nothing when they have been so defensive.

Dutchcourage · 01/08/2016 13:18

atsea the op working hours change to school time hours when they start in September.

blueturtle6 · 01/08/2016 13:50

Maybe they don't want to look after her any more and looking for excuse?

FuturesAChanging · 01/08/2016 18:23

I think blue turtle has hit the nail on the head

Flip

1 2 3 4 5