Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell MIL to F off!

300 replies

mrsbrightside3 · 25/07/2016 14:04

More like was I being unreasonable to tell MIL to fuck off.... kinda too late now as i've already done it.

Just about had enough and finally told her what I think of her.

Bit of a back story - Been with dh for 2 years, married for 9 months. MIL clearly has issues with me and prefers dh's exw.

I have been LC with MIL since our wedding day after she was rude and quite disrespectful. MIL pops in at the weekend to collect some tools the dh borrowed from her dh, she hasn't been to our house since xmas (she hasn't been invited). She took one look at our relatively new photo collage in the hall and commented that it was inappropriate as it might upset dh's dc. They were not allowed to come to our wedding, their mother prevented them from attending.

My dh replied that we wanted pics of our happy day up regardless and we weren't going to live our life like that - we have nothing to hide. She then commented that I should at least remove the pics of my children from the collage! One of my dc (age 16) was in the kitchen at the time and heard.

I went mental at her, she was the straw that broke the camels back. I asked her to leave / told her to fuck off and that she was not welcome in my house anymore and that I want nothing to do with her.

So thats it, I have now sworn with her. I don't have time patience for people like this in my life. AIBU? Over dramatic? Cutting my nose of to spite my face etc?

OP posts:
dustarr73 · 25/07/2016 16:05

DragonsEggsAreAllMine you are talking through your arse.You have no idea what the relationship was like.

The op is talking about MIL being rude in her home and she told her to fuck off.Maybe ott,maybe not.But the op stood up for herself and i applaud that.

Original poster
mrsbrightside3 · 25/07/2016 16:13

I'm not slating MIL for sticking up for her dgc Dragons, but there is a way to do that. She knew her son / dh was upset his dc were not at the wedding and she knew why. She has been behind dh all the way and can see how awful his exw has been. I don't know why she thought telling me I shouldn't have pictures of my children up in my own home was unacceptable.

If she is worried about her dgc missing out / or being upset then IMO she should have raised that with her ds / my dh sensitively and in private.

I suppose you are going to condone MIL's general attitude and bitchy comments to my sister at my own wedding next.

OP posts:
Gottagetmoving · 25/07/2016 16:13

I agree with your last post OP. Your mil has no right to make comments about your sister.
I don't think your mother in law is right to be nasty to you but I don't think you ridding to it aggressively helps the situation.
Of course you can't be a doormat, but you could be assertive rather than aggressive.
Your mil will always be his mother. It's never wise to expect a man to cut his family off...not in the long run.

OohMavis · 25/07/2016 16:13

How is you knowing him for 20 years not a massive backstory? Grin

As for your OP, I actually think you're a little unreasonable. To go off one, lose your cool and tell her to fuck off because she voiced concerns about her grandchildren potentially feeling upset at seeing your wedding photos is a bit OTT.

Do you not think she had even the tiniest point?

You disagree with her, that's fine. But it would make me stop and think, not start shouting and swearing. Are you generally quick to lose your temper?

LucilleBluth · 25/07/2016 16:13

Telling the MIL to go fuck herself and the way you talk about the ex wife coupled with the distancing of the MIL before you really knew her makes me think that you're hard faced and cold. People make mistakes (like your precious DH) but you seem very unforgiving unless it suits you.

Gottagetmoving · 25/07/2016 16:14

Reacting...not ridding!

ChatterNatterer · 25/07/2016 16:17

YANBU - his ex wife and MIL need a reality check!

Original poster
mrsbrightside3 · 25/07/2016 16:18

Maybe I was not acting like a grown up when I told her to fuck off and that I didn't want to see her again, but thats how I feel. This woman does not enhance my life at all, and my dh admits he only sees her so his dc have some contact with her and wider family (and he doesn't want a big drama fall out).
This is a woman who gave my dh a 30 minute lecture about how we shouldn't go for a weekend break in the sun as the villa belongs to my exdh's dp's parents as 'its inappropriate to maintain friendship with him'.

I have no reason to have any contact with her from now on.

OP posts:
Soleye · 25/07/2016 16:18

Similar here- big family occasion for my son. Dh's teenage kids refused to attend as it wasn't 'their' party. Displayed family shot of dh, me and my kids at party in our hall- and got disapproving comments from dh's family. What did I do? Put another one up next to it.

Cosmo111 · 25/07/2016 16:22

In pretty sure your mil has posted a thread about you OP details included how she had a good relationship with the exw saw the GC regularly. Her DS left and got with another woman who was independent and extremely close to her side of the family likes the finer things in life. Exw was struggling to come to terms with it but DS said she was EA. MIL said she wanted to be involved in her DS life but seemed to be pushed off even when GC. Can't remember the threat but it rings similar.

fanofthevoid · 25/07/2016 16:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ToastDemon · 25/07/2016 16:27

You're a second wife and a stepmother. You'll never win on here. There's a lot of people with truckloads of anger issues to project.

Original poster
mrsbrightside3 · 25/07/2016 16:27

OOhmavis, what riled me was her comments about taking the pictures of my children out of the collage. I told her that this was my house and I will put pictures of my children up. She told me it was insensitive and I should remove them. I said I wouldn't be and if she didn't like looking at them then she should leave and not come back. I then told her to fuck off out and that I wanted nothing more to do with her.

As for the backstory of me and dh. We met at Uni, we were good friends, there was always a spark but nothing happened as I was in a relationship. I moved abroad after I graduated and we lost touch. We were both from the same area originally though.

Fast forward 17 years and I bumped into him in Boots in the town we both grew up in. he moved back after he graduated and I moved back after I'd had my 3rd dc, so we had been living in the same town for about 6 years and didn't know!

I had already been separated 2 years and him 9 months. We were inseperable from that moment really.

OP posts:
Cosmo111 · 25/07/2016 16:29

OP you back story sounds similar to the post I am on about unfortunately I can't remember the username to search the thread

Original poster
mrsbrightside3 · 25/07/2016 16:30

Cosmo, maybe my MIL is posting about me too then! although i'm not sure she can use the internet! and I definately wouldn't be described as being close to my family! i do however like the finer things in life (although can't always afford them :) )

OP posts:
YeOldMa · 25/07/2016 16:31

I do sometimes wonder if MN's live in the real world. The OP's dh will have known exactly what his EXW was like. He will be aware that she would have made sure the DC wouldn't have been allowed at the wedding no matter when he had it, if EXW is that way inclined. I have maintained a good relationship with DH's ex-wife for the sake of his DC's but there were times when she made it very difficult and it was only because I bit my tongue or refused to rise to the bait, we got through it. It didn't stop her bad mouthing me (of DH) to the children every time she got drunk though and kids do have a habit of telling! She was bitter that we were happy but she wasn't even though she married the guy she was having an affair with; DH's best friend! We had to get married in secret because she was so vile about us talking about us having a baby, stopping contact with the children, we were terrified she would do the same for the wedding.

My MIL was lovely but she was very protective of DH and there were times when I had to bite my tongue there too. At the end of the day, you are with the person you love plus their offspring if they are around, so if others don't want to play nice, why should you give them consideration? YANBU

Original poster
mrsbrightside3 · 25/07/2016 16:32

Oh great, my MIL is on MN. It'll be FB next I guess! Grr... I suppose i wouldn't be able to post pics of my dc on their either!

OP posts:
blitheringbuzzards1234 · 25/07/2016 16:32

No-one could blame you for sticking up for yourself if MIL overstepped the mark. It's your house. What good does staying polite but seething inside do? Maybe MIL will think about her behaviour and realise she was wrong but it seems unlikely. Diplomacy is always tricky and sometimes you have to be straight with people as being subtle just goes over their heads. With some folks you just can't win.

Cosmo111 · 25/07/2016 16:35

I am bit wrong op just mirrors what she wrote in regards to the background. Is she defiantly on MN? I wish I could find the thread I think it may of been deleted as people were saying he was suppose to be able to have a life of his own.

A11TheSmallTh1ngs · 25/07/2016 16:35

Just add some photos of his kids to the fricken collage. Add a bunch of photos to the collage - of other important events. There! Not sure what the big deal is!

Cosmo111 · 25/07/2016 16:36

I might be"

UnexpectedBaggage · 25/07/2016 16:41

DragonsEggsAreAllMine you are sounding increasingly unhinged and hysterical. Do shut up before you make an even bigger fool of yourself.

Original poster
mrsbrightside3 · 25/07/2016 16:41

I have no idea Cosmo. I wouldn't have thought my MIL knew what a forum was. She doesn't have any friends in RL though, so maybe she has been on here for advice. ugh.

OP posts:
Roussette · 25/07/2016 16:44

I would imagine your MIL is on Gransnet posting about you.

I have no idea whether all this is warranted or not. But you do have to think she is trying to protect her own GC, quite rightly. She is probably feeling like she is losing/has lost her son and yes she has probably handled it wrong. However, telling her to fuck off takes all the moral high ground away from you.

You do need to put some pictures of your SS up on the wall along with your DC. Then have her over for a cup of tea and let byegones be byegones.

KittensandKnitting · 25/07/2016 16:47

I think I vaguely remember something like this to Cosmo Now you have said it...

But there have been lots of threads about photos and MIL and MIL and exW recently that I may be just muddling them all together :)

I shall have a little look