Play scheme worker forced DS into her car

[Longlost10]

My 8 yo DS is in a holiday playscheme, there are two workers there I know. I employ the first one to drive DS home for me at the end of the day. The second one is her boss.

Two days ago, the first one was called away by a family emergency, and unable to drive DS home. The second one made him get into her car against his will, and she drove him home.

I rang her up that night, very very angry. I have taught DS never to get into anyone's car without my express permission, even if he knows them. He was very distressed, and said he had tried to resist and argue, but she had irresistibly over ruled him and forced him in.

When I spoke to the second worker on Friday, she got very offended, and said she thought she was doing a favour for a friend. I am however going to make a formal complaint. She probably was a friend, of sorts, we have been using that play scheme for years,and got to know each other well.

Even so, AIBU to think she should have rung me, and given me the option of leaving work early as a one off emergency, or giving DS permission to get in her car

Op, what did you think when you saw ds get out of the car? Were you cross at that point that no one had phoned you? Were you cross with ds for getting in a car without your permission? Or was it only when you were told about the 'forcing' that you got annoyed?

No Pearman if the child was not collected the parent should have been contacted by the organisation who had care of the child ie a school, nursery or play scheme. Standard practice. This should never have happened.

Pearlman, you do not decide to take a child home without permission from his parent.

Those who are calling you unreasonable are completely missing the point that it should never have happened and contravenes every safeguarding regulation

You're saying that the senior staff of a playscheme cannot (leaving aside insurance, which hasn't been raised as an issue by the OP) cannot children in a car, even though they do have direct control of the children inside a building and (presumably) outside it as well, for "safeguarding" reasons? Could you spell out these regulations, or point us to a copy we could read? I mean, you know which regulations these are, right?

Hmm yab slightly u but one of them should have called you to tell you the change of plan. I'd mention that to them. I wouldn't be reporting them.

YANBU at all OP. The posters criticising you are showing absolutely no empathy for your son and a remarkable naiveté regarding the situation the play scheme workers put him in.

You taught him well, children are more likely to be harmed by someone they know and mine were not allowed to go with anyone (other than a select few) unless they knew our 'password' (this was pre-mobile phones)

The fact that they didn't contact you shows such a complete disregard for basic safeguarding procedures that this definitely needs a review and imho you should go ahead with your complaint.

OP - just in case it got lost in a flurry of replies. Please flag up the lack of contact details they had for you. The lift thing will be an opinion thing, some folks will be ok with it and some won't.

However, he fact your contact number was not accessible to the playscheme staff while your child was in their care is not acceptable. That's a way bigger issue than making a wrong decision about something. If she didn't have your son's that means she likely had none of the details to hand for any of the children (or adults - people often laugh when I mention this, but the worst accident we've ever had was one of the adults).

No. I would have left work early and come to collect him myself

So can I just check something? If worker A called you and said 'sorry, there's an emergency, is it OK if B drives DS home tonight?' six hours before hometime, would you honestly have said no and insisted on taking parental leave at very short notice and going over to pick him up yourself? Honestly? Even though you have known this woman for years?

Ugh at knickers in a twist. Horrible way to describe someone who is concerned about a situation

Um, it's pretty mild compared to some of the responses people get on AIBU, all of whom are 'concerned about a situation'. At least I didn't swear at the OP or get abusive as we so frequently see on other threads.

But the whole control aspect is not helping children to build resilience and become confident and secure. What sort of message is it teaching her DS if his mum flies off the handle at something very minor. And as someone else has said, where do you draw the line? Would you honestly say that someone cannot give your child a lift to the hospital if injured? Or that if one teacher was taking the class on a trip, there is sometimes a substitute who the parent might never have met?

Are you a parent? There should be a policy in place with the organisation. I would highly doubt it says that in the event of a child not being collected anyone would take them home. I can't link on my phone but you can't just decide to take a child home. That's basic commonsense as well as written in safeguarding policies. You would contact the patent always. You have to fill out a form in any setting giving your details and emergency details for this very event.

So he can get in a bus with god knows who, but can't get in a car with someone he knows? That makes no sense. What if he gets on the bus and there is only the driver on there? Or he is groomed by a regular passenger.

That aside, I think it was definitely your childminder that was in the wrong- she couldn't work for you that day, she should have let you know in the ordinary way. I think the lines have become blurred by the private use of the childminder combined with the public use of the playscheme.

I would say that if the playscheme were transporting children in staff cars they would need business insurance, risk assessments in place and no child should be alone in the car with only one member of staff. Playscheme manager should have known this and therefore should not have offered to cover for the childminder.

Look people's opinions are neither here nor there. If someone had phoned me like that I would probably have said OK. But it's bad practice and Ofsted would take an extremely dim view of this.

Given the childminder wasn't there to collect, and alternative arrangements had not been agreed with the parent either in advance or at the time, the play scheme should have triggered non collection procedures. Which would have started with call the parent anyway. Not leave him by the side of the road fgs.
Childminder should really have had emergency arrangements agreed in advance so she's at fault too.
Play scheme absolutely shouldn't have sent child off with any person not agreed with the parent, playscheme worker or no. Yes she was trying to do you a favour, but a non safe adult would present as being nice and helpful too. Being prepared to leave him with someone as part of a group is not the same as letting her take him off 1:1 in a car. That's why there are safeguarding rules. Which apparently OP's son knew better than the playscheme workers or many posters here.

DS gets home about 5.05 with a lift, and I get home between 5pm and 5-10, so I am often home before him, not always. Whereas the bus/ walk to the playscheme means i wouldn't get there until 5.30, hence the arrangement with the child minder.

If I'm not home, she normal comes in with him, rings me to see where i am, then goes if I'm only a few stops away on the bus. At the moment though, she waits until I am home, because we have builders in, and never sure what state the place will be left in, tools, bare wires, etc. childminder, and her son, and my DS play in the garden.

This has worked fine every school holiday since January.

When I got home about 5:05, the first thing I saw was DS sitting on the stairs, not knowing what to do about the dust and wet paint everywhere, that was when I got angry. The arrangement is that he is not left in a building site alone. Then when I found out it wasn't the childminder who had left him there, I was angrier, then when I found out he had tried not to get into the car, I was furious. When I spoke to the second worker , I was angrier still,

Hang on. You let him catch the bus on his own but are raging that he had a lift from someone who you trust to look after him all day.

You have very strange ideas of what's safe, OP.

thisisafakename

Personally I'd have cheerily agreed to let the play worker take the kid home.

BUT

This is precisely why assuming isn't on. You have to check. It doesn't matter how bananas you think the parent is: if the parent isn't ok with it, you can't do it.

I wouldn't actually have too much of an issue with tbe worker driving him , it's the fact she didn't handle him resisting well

Actually - ignore my post below. I don't think yabu at all. What if the second worker had got fired that day and was a disgruntled ex employee with a bad plan? I know it's pretty unlikely but shit like this happens. We don't know the context or dynamics of the people or the place so it's hard to really comment but upshot is - if all was above board, they should have have given you a quick call.

Are you a parent?

Yes.

There should be a policy in place with the organisation.

I'm sure there should. It probably ought to say "staff should not moonlight for parents by using their employment status with this organisation to do private work" because, for example, the DBS in place for working for a playscheme isn't extensible to running a private taxi company. Perhaps the OP should look at the safeguarding provisions of her taxi company?

Still don't get it.

You're fine with him going home alone on a public bus, but not in a car under the one-to-one supervision of someone you pay to look after him?

Oh god Pearman look it up. I have done safeguarding training and worked in schools for years. Every organisation has a safeguarding policy that is and is different for every organisation. I doubt Ofsted would be happy if there's was just let anyone take your child home without contacting you.

I doubt Ofsted would be happy if there's was just let anyone take your child home without contacting you.

I wonder if the OP's taxi company has a child protection policy, which says what happens when their employee is unwell? Perhaps the OP might like to ask them for a copy to check.

Cross-posted with UnexpectedBaggage!