Play scheme worker forced DS into her car

[Longlost10]

My 8 yo DS is in a holiday playscheme, there are two workers there I know. I employ the first one to drive DS home for me at the end of the day. The second one is her boss.

Two days ago, the first one was called away by a family emergency, and unable to drive DS home. The second one made him get into her car against his will, and she drove him home.

I rang her up that night, very very angry. I have taught DS never to get into anyone's car without my express permission, even if he knows them. He was very distressed, and said he had tried to resist and argue, but she had irresistibly over ruled him and forced him in.

When I spoke to the second worker on Friday, she got very offended, and said she thought she was doing a favour for a friend. I am however going to make a formal complaint. She probably was a friend, of sorts, we have been using that play scheme for years,and got to know each other well.

Even so, AIBU to think she should have rung me, and given me the option of leaving work early as a one off emergency, or giving DS permission to get in her car

[Sunshineonacloudyday]

Only reckless people don't call to cancel arrangements. I am glad it all worked out for you.

[losmn]

Here's the legal stuff : your playscheme agreement cannot be changed without permission and agreement with all the persons who signed the said agreement I.e the person(s) with parental responsibility and the proprietor of the playscheme.
It is a legal document and is in place to protect the proprietor, the parent and most importantly the child.
If child has not been picked up from the setting, generally what happens is a member of staff stays put until somebody known/agreed turns up, unless otherwise stated in agreement.
Yes, it's a pain as we have lives too , but the way settings get round this is to levy a fee. A proprietor making a sole decision regarding the child without contacting the parent/police/social services ( yep ) is not complying with the rules and regulations.

In the real world, I would still call my best friend to inform them that I am bringing her/his DS/DD home, even from a party, just out of courtesy. To not inform a parent of changes at a registered setting, sadly, is not right.
Longlost10, YANBU, to expect to be informed of plans made, albeit unexpectedly, regarding your child.

My opinion : is it really too much for the proprietor to call the parent? We do it all the time where I work.

However a meeting with staff in question to iron things out would be my advice, as a first step. However you may now need to look for someone else to pick up DS and/or new playscheme but as we know nobody/nothing is irreplaceable.
Good luck.

[TheRealKimmySchmidt63]

Glad it all got sorted and you got some more clarification of what happened

[bearleftmonkeyright]

Thanks for updating long lost. There have been some really odd responses on here. They failed in terms of safeguarding in a number of areas in my opinion and I would not use them again.

[ThumbWitchesAbroad]

Rather pleased that you've been given more detail and that the event was witnessed by someone else in a position to know how wrong it was.

Glad you've got an apology and I hope that they review their training and safeguarding policies now.

[millimat]

Will you make a complaint? I still have serious safeguarding issues with the scheme. I gather the senior member of staff was concerned by the altercation?

[MumsTheWordYouKnow]

I can't believe people thought you were bu as there shouldn't have been an altercation. They should have kept you informed and let you explain to your ds or the other worker should have explained. The senior member didn't sound like they'd tried to explain it was an emergency.

[AldrinJustice]

Wonder what the YABU camp will say in response to this reply? Glad to hear it OP. You were clearly lied to and information was not properly circulated so I'm happy it's sorted

[RiverTam]

Thanks for updating, glad it was taken seriously, and that you've got something sorted out for your DS.

[PlotterOfPlots]

Longlost thanks very much for updating us. Glad to hear there has been some outside corroboration, apology and resolution. Sounds like the senior teacher and owner have declared for the YANBU camp :)

[WaitrosePigeon]

I'm glad you were taken seriously. Take care.

[Longlost10]

Thank you Johnny

[Johnny5isAlive]

Glad to hear that it was taken seriously OP. For what it's worth, I think YANBU

[Longlost10]

I haven't gone anywhere, I've just had a hectic few days. Thank you all for your comments. i'm not upset by harsh comments, I'm interested in different opinions. After reading the first few pages here, I had decided not to complain, but since then some more details came to light and somebody else informed the manager of the company.

One new detail was that my son was the last one left, and the playscheme then closed 20 mins early. I didn't know that before, I just thought they had got home unusually quickly. The other detail was that the altercation in the street was seen by a senior member of the primary school staff. The school rents out its hall to the play scheme..

I have had an apology from the person who owns/runs the company the playscheme belongs to, and the second worker is not there at the moment. She hasn't been there since Monday. I don't know if she will go back I've been offered a place at another playscheme run by the same company, but we are not using it, we have sorted out a hotch potch of days with friends, or doing holiday activities at the sports centre, until we go away camping, then after that I'm not sure yet.

Thanks again for everyone's input.

[Sunshineonacloudyday]

I'm guessing they don't do health and safety checks as well.

[Sunshineonacloudyday]

The worker would not get extra training if the OP doesn't complain. They probably don't risk asses properly. Would any of you leave children with this brilliant play scheme establishment.

[happymamanSO22]

YANBU.

basic common sense for childcare professionals to ring parents in case of change of circumstances and watchkeeper, no matter what.
I would have been upset too.
it is unfair for the child to get such pressure, even though she was obviously trying to help, and even though he was not making this easy.
Honestly, she should have realised something was not right here.

a formal complaint , maybe not. it is not a child abduction !

[Emmaroos]

YANBU to be upset, but YABU to not appreciate that if you have taught your son this absolute rule then you have a responsibility to explain this to anyone who is charged with transporting him. The woman who usually does it would have no reason to think there would be a problem if another staff member, who you know and trust to look after your son at the camp, brought him home instead. The worker you employ thought she was doing you a favour by sorting an alternative arrangement for you knowing you were at work and she had no reason to think there would be a problem to know there was a problem. But yes, even if she sorted out an alternative she should have called you to let you know. She's being paid to do a particular job and not letting you know was poor.
The other worker was trying to do her/you a favour but in that situation, if your son was obviously distressed, she should have listened to him enough to realise that a quick call to you would have sorted the situation without distress.
I think your tack should be first and foremost appreciation that they tried to help, but feedback that in this day and age a child may be taught they need express permission from a parent before they get in a car, and that a phone call to the parent is necessary in that situation.
Making the phone call in anger was not a wise move and you probably never acknowledged your own part in the fiasco which isn't fair.
Tell your son he did his best and you are very proud of him for trying and that it was your and his teacher's fault for the muddle in communication. He'll learn that it's not a perfect world, that people make mistakes and then improve and learn from them. You'll tell him that next time he is getting a lift the person will know he is only allowed to go with the designated person and on his part hell know that if a similar situation ever arises he should ask them to phone you.

[millimat]

Notice that OP had disappeared from this- probably due to the harsh comments from some people!

[losmn]

Here's the legal stuff : your playscheme agreement cannot be changed without permission and agreement with all the persons who signed the said agreement I.e the person(s) with parental responsibility and the proprietor of the playscheme.
It is a legal document and is in place to protect the proprietor, the parent and most importantly the child.
If child has not been picked up from the setting, generally what happens is a member of staff stays put until somebody known/agreed turns up, unless otherwise stated in agreement.
Yes, it's a pain as we have lives too , but the way settings get round this is to levy a fee. A proprietor making a sole decision regarding the child without contacting the parent/police/social services ( yep ) is not complying with the rules and regulations.

In the real world, I would still call my best friend to inform them that I am bringing her/his DS/DD home, even from a party, just out of courtesy. To not inform a parent of changes at a registered setting, sadly, is not right.
Longlost10, YANBU, to expect to be informed of plans made, albeit unexpectedly, regarding your child.

My opinion : is it really too much for the proprietor to call the parent? We do it all the time where I work.

However a meeting with staff in question to iron things out would be my advice, as a first step. However you may now need to look for someone else to pick up DS and/or new playscheme but as we know nobody/nothing is irreplaceable.
Good luck.

[Dutchcourage]

'Cutting your nose off to spite your face' springs to mind.

YABU about the whole issue

[CuboidalSlipshoddy]

And of course unless the parent has specifically agreed for a play leader to take a child home it ts illegal for them to do so.

Under what legislation? I mean, if it's "of course" you'll be able to tell us the offence and its definition, yes? Illegal means "if this happens, you have committed an offence". What offence?

[CharlotteTurc]

Addition to my last post
And of course unless the parent has specifically agreed for a play leader to take a child home it ts illegal for them to do so.

[HSMMaCM]

The fact that the CM works at the play scheme is almost irrelevent, as her CM contract is to take the child from play scheme to home. The CM should have let the parents know she was unable to do that job.

Once the play scheme knew that the child did not have a lift home, they should have contacted the parents. It seems that they knew this early in the day, so could easily have contacted then. Otherwise, at the end of the day, the uncollected child policy should have come into place. I'd be very surprised if this policy was that a member of staff should force a child into their car and take them home without contacting parents.

I also taught my DD not to get into cars with anyone and we had discussions about her very best friends father offering her a lift home from school (he always collected his daughter) and that she was to say no, until she had spoken to me. He (of course) was a lovely guy, who would have no problem getting me on the phone to confirm.

So 2 faults -

1. the CM did not contact you
   
2. the play scheme did not operate their policies

[CharlotteTurc]

I expect someone has already said this but I was a play leader and unless the law has changed in the last couple of years it is illegal for a play leader to let a child be taken home by anyone other than a parent or someone the parent has designated to do this - in an emergency that can be by phone but normally it should be in writing. I was taught that the legal procedure if a child is left at the end of the session is to contact the parents and stay with the child (at least two adults must stay) at the play centre until a parent or someone a parent has appointed comes. If the parents cannot be contacted, cannot come and cannot appoint someone else then the proper procedure is to call the police who will inform social services and the child is taken temporarily into care. This happened on one occasion when I was running a play scheme. As a result of a series of mishaps and accidents to the parents (Mum's car broke down miles up the motorway, Dad was away at work, Gran had taken youngest child to hospital etc) I was left with a child and could not get to the parents nor could i get their permission to hand their son to someone else. I therefore contacted the police who came. He was taken to a local approved foster home. The parents were able to sort the situation out and collected their son that evening.