Play scheme worker forced DS into her car

[Longlost10]

My 8 yo DS is in a holiday playscheme, there are two workers there I know. I employ the first one to drive DS home for me at the end of the day. The second one is her boss.

Two days ago, the first one was called away by a family emergency, and unable to drive DS home. The second one made him get into her car against his will, and she drove him home.

I rang her up that night, very very angry. I have taught DS never to get into anyone's car without my express permission, even if he knows them. He was very distressed, and said he had tried to resist and argue, but she had irresistibly over ruled him and forced him in.

When I spoke to the second worker on Friday, she got very offended, and said she thought she was doing a favour for a friend. I am however going to make a formal complaint. She probably was a friend, of sorts, we have been using that play scheme for years,and got to know each other well.

Even so, AIBU to think she should have rung me, and given me the option of leaving work early as a one off emergency, or giving DS permission to get in her car

[blaeberry]

Don't worry OP, I am sure the playscheme will respond to your complaint and make sure no member of staff ever agrees to drive children (including your dx) home in future.

[angelikacpickles]

I wouldn't be happy about that. I would have thought that the obvious thing was for the workers to ring you and either let you make an alternative arrangement or let you tell your DS yourself that he should go with the second worker. Surely, working with children, she is aware that most children are told not to go with someone in a car without checking with a parent.

[Fairuza]

Playschemes should have a back up plan for children who aren't collected. Calling the parents is the first move, not shouting at a child to get in your car.

[AndNowItsSeven]

How ridiculous it's no different than a school trip and the geography teacher drives the mini bus because the RE teacher that you gave your permission for to drive your dc to the local mosque was off sick.
Get a grip op.

[RainyDayBear]

You have a point that it would have been good for them to notify you about the change of plan, but YABU as the worker did you a favor and will be CRB checked so I don't see a huge issue.

[APlaceOnTheCouch]

I doubt the worker would take everyone home but OP has an arrangement with a member of staff to take her DC home. The other staff member thought she was helping both her colleague and OP but as a PP said, OP's angry phone call probably means that won't happen again (and may cause them to question the arrangement the OP currently has with the other staff member).

[CuboidalSlipshoddy]

I have taught DS never to get into anyone's car without my express permission, even if he knows them.

That's going to end well.

[Klaptout]

I think the first worker had a duty to call you or at the very least speak to your child to explain that second worker would be taking him home, my three (ASD) have the rule not to get into a strangers car, but if they had it explained and I writer note to say that person A wouldn't be taking them home but that it was ok for person B to take them, if this plan was given time is would be accepted, I guess it depends lhow old is your child, is he able to understand that rules sometimes change.

[Fairuza]

Of course it's different from a school trip. It wasn't a whole class on a planned trip.

A similar situation would be if I have told my child not to go into anyone's house without telling me, but as he's walking by the house of a school staff member they come out and tell him to come in and have a snack. He refuses and she tells him off and insists he comes in.

I wouldn't be at all happy about that, however nice she was trying to be.

[CuboidalSlipshoddy]

Anyway, on Monday morning the play scheme will issue a flat ban on staff being paid to give lifts as a sideline, on fairly obvious grounds. It'd be interesting for the OP to tell us what insurance she thinks the person she is employing has to cover the journeys with her son in the car, but let that pass.

[AndNowItsSeven]

Fairuza you post is very insensitive unless you are very young?

[coolaschmoola]

Make sure you consider all possible outcomes and their potential impact...

There is a chance that a complaint could lead to:

1. Staff being told they are not allowed to transport children home from the scheme, which would impact you - could you leave early every day?
   
   
2. No availability for your ds next time you want to book the playscheme.
   
   I would speak to the boss and tell her that you are not happy, but I wouldn't make a formal complaint unless you are prepared to lose your transport or ds place.

[Permanentlyexhausted]

Is it worth her possibly (probably) losing her (paid?) role for? Do you think it was that serious? If you make an official complaint, it will be investigated. She might well be suspended from her job/role whilst the investigation takes place. If she has any other job/role involving children, she'll likely be suspended or will lose that role too. Even if it is decided that she did nothing wrong, her reputation will have been tarnished, and her current employers may decide to save their reputation by ditching her. She may lose her livelihood and any future opportunities to work with children and other vulnerable adults. Is that what you want? I'm not saying what she did was right but please do consider the consequences of an official complaint versus a strong word not to do it again. Probably saying you considered an official complaint will be enough to make sure she never does it again, for anyone.

[squiggleirl]

I don't understand some people's responses here at all.

I would be furious with both workers.

By the sounds of it, the arrangement that the first person drops the boy home, is a private arrangement, not a service offered by the playscheme.

The first worker, rather than contacting the OP, decided to re-arrange the dropoff. She also never advised the child about this.

The second worker, without any permission to take the child in her car proceeded to shout at him, and make him get into her car even though his parents had wisely told him never to do that without permission, and to drop him home.

That is shockingly dangerous behaviour from both workers.

35 years ago I was taught never to get into somebody's car without my Mum or Dad's permission, no matter how well I knew them. I was told if arrangements changed my Mum would tell them to tell me all about a necklace of hers I loved. It was only if they could tell me what the necklace was and where my Mum got it that I was allowed get in their car. I was told if anyone tried to make me, I was to kick and scream as loud as I could.

What I was taught 35 years ago was not unusual. I teach my kids the same thing now.

Why the playscheme didn't just contact the OP is beyond me. My kids have been minded by the same group of people for 10 years. I don't trust any of them to drive my kids home. I don't know if they are good or bad drivers. They could have penalty points or convictions. Their cars could be dangerous. The could be driving without insurance. I don't know any of this, because I never expect any of them to drive my kids home, and whilst I know them, if they ever did drive one of mine anywhere without my permission, I would report them without hesitation.

The situation the OP described is worryingly dangerous.

[hotdiggedy]

He was given a lift home by someone working at the place. You would be very unreasonable to report her. How odd. Poor lady, I bet she wishes she had just left him to walk home now which would have been much safer. Hmm.

[Fairuza]

Don't know what you're talking about Seven.

[HoneyDragon]

I've told my children not to go with anyone even if they know them too. Some key names are fine. Other than that they are instructed to say I need to speak to my parent/teacher first.

They then are expected to call me, (or hopefully the adult will call me), or get to the safety of school.

In this case I think it was remiss of either the first or the second carer to call you. It would've taken minutes and saved shouting and intimidation tactics.

Also what if the second carer didn't have all your details and something happened. The carer was doing a favour for her friend, not the op.

[Fairuza]

hotdiggedy - yep, the totally normal reaction for a playscheme would be just to kick a child out to walk home alone, not call the parents.

[coolaschmoola]

Here's something else to consider really your rule for your ds...

You or someone close to you has an emergency situation which means that you CAN'T tell ds it's acceptable to get into a teacher's car/friend's car but he is somewhere that he MUST be collected from. Would what transpired today really be a good situation to put him in again?

Sometimes emergencies happen and plans change. Such rigidity in rules could result in your ds being put through this again should an emergency occur.

[AndNowItsSeven]

Fairuza well hopefully you are just to young to remember the two young girls that were killed when their school staff member invited them in whilst they were walking past.

[Fairuza]

Sounds like a good example then. I guess that means nothing bad has ever happened to a child who has got into a car with someone they know without telling their parents?

[antiqueroadhoe]

I cannot believe you are considering complaining. It was an emergency situation and the other worker was giving your child a lift home.

I really hope they refuse to take him from now on.

[Permanentlyexhausted]

BTW, none of the staff should be taking your son home in their car, certainly not without another child or adult present. It's inappropriate and could lead to trouble for both parties. And if you employing woman number 1, then I hope she's informed her insurance company of the arrangement.

[squiggleirl]

I also would have a huge issue with anyone involved in childcare telling a child to go against what a parent has said, particularly when it was very obvious that what the parent had said was in the interests of keeping the child safe.

[antiqueroadhoe]

It's totally different to someone inviting children into their home. The worker who was allowed to drive him home delegated the job to another member of staff due to an emergency. It wasn't a random person popping along out of the blue.