Play scheme worker forced DS into her car

[Longlost10]

My 8 yo DS is in a holiday playscheme, there are two workers there I know. I employ the first one to drive DS home for me at the end of the day. The second one is her boss.

Two days ago, the first one was called away by a family emergency, and unable to drive DS home. The second one made him get into her car against his will, and she drove him home.

I rang her up that night, very very angry. I have taught DS never to get into anyone's car without my express permission, even if he knows them. He was very distressed, and said he had tried to resist and argue, but she had irresistibly over ruled him and forced him in.

When I spoke to the second worker on Friday, she got very offended, and said she thought she was doing a favour for a friend. I am however going to make a formal complaint. She probably was a friend, of sorts, we have been using that play scheme for years,and got to know each other well.

Even so, AIBU to think she should have rung me, and given me the option of leaving work early as a one off emergency, or giving DS permission to get in her car

I don't pretend to be a teacher either, but I can use the English language correctly.

I also pay for tutors to come and teach them after school. I have ambition for my children what you do with you're children is up to you.

I have ambition for my children what you do with you're children is up to you.

Do you really not know how to spell "your" or are you just doing it to make a point too subtle for anyone to understand?

Floggingmolly I don't want to agree with you so you want to call me thick.

"The lift thing is a matter of judgement, complicated by an unusual arrangement with worker1 and an emergency. Not having your DS's contact details to hand, no paper forms, no second member of staff to get a form from an office - they are are poor practise. You'd be well within your rights to mention to the owner that you were not happy that the staff member in charge seemed to have no access to the registration forms. That's a very fair thing to complain about. I'd hit the roof if registration forms weren't easily accessible at the playscheme I run - seriously so"

The entire arrangement appears to be beyond scope of the Playscheme. It was a private arrangement. I assume the Playscheme has Pick up/Drop off protocols in place. But in this instance Worker1 takes responsibility of the child. Totally bypassing the Playscheme. The second Worker was not acting at guardian of the child at this point, Merely a decent human being making sure the child got home safe.

"The lift thing is a matter of judgement, complicated by an unusual arrangement with worker1 and an emergency. Not having your DS's contact details to hand, no paper forms, no second member of staff to get a form from an office - they are are poor practise. You'd be well within your rights to mention to the owner that you were not happy that the staff member in charge seemed to have no access to the registration forms. That's a very fair thing to complain about. I'd hit the roof if registration forms weren't easily accessible at the playscheme I run - seriously so"

The entire arrangement appears to be beyond scope of the Playscheme. It was a private arrangement. I assume the Playscheme has Pick up/Drop off protocols in place. But in this instance Worker1 takes responsibility of the child. Totally bypassing the Playscheme. The second Worker was not acting at guardian of the child at this point, Merely a decent human being making sure the child got home safe.

Worker2 should have called the mother the child might have been in distress when she got home. I think its very poor judgment on worker 2 the child could have made allegation against her. Is it really worth losing her job she could called the mother it takes 2 minutes.

I think OP needs to rethink her own safeguarding policies judging by the more recent revelations in this thread.

Children from the age of 8 can go to school on their own and play out. I wouldn't do it I am very over protective over my children. I remember when my 2 older daughters went out for the first time I was waiting for them to come back. Looking out of the window and watching the time people think I'm mad.

But if they are playing out and injure themselves, They wouldn't let them be helped by a passer by?

If anyone knew she was leaving her child alone at home and informed the police she could end up losing her child to SS.

That's a bit melodramatic! There is no legal minimum age to leave a child at home. It is very much a judgement call according to maturity of child and any risks.

I was good samaritan once saw a young child after school I couldn't see the parents. I thought I would take him to the school so they could call the mother. It turns out that the mother was half way up the hill his brother came back looking for him. I said sorry to her for scaring her little boy. She gave me a lot of evil looks. If there was a hole in the ground I would have crawled into it. Its best to mind you're own business and don't get involved.

I remember reading in the newspaper a mother left her children at home alone. The neighbours contacted the police and she had to go to court. Luckily they didn't take away her children. Social workers and police have to protect themselves. Look at the Baby P case.

It is very much a judgement call according to maturity of child and any risks.

I don't think my children are mature enough at 12, 10 and 8 to play out on their own. I have to let them go at some point. I know where my children are going and they wont stray from there or else they wont go out again. If I lived on a main road I would probably think very differently.

Dadstheworld, yes you could help a child who hurt themselves - get them up, ask if they need a parent called, or an ambulance if they're injured. You certainly don't ask them to get in your car and go anywhere with you!! And if my child agreed to go with you they'd be getting a very serious talk about he risks and not allowed to play out alone for a good while.
If it's outside the scope of the play scheme then the play scheme have let the child leave with a person the parent hadn't agreed for them to leave with. That's desperately poor practice.

The OP said this.
sometimes, for 5-10 minutes, if the childminder needs to gt off fast, it has happened. I'm not saying it has NEVER happened, probably about 3 times this year, however in practice, I am normally home first, or CM stays for a natter.

She is not leaving him on his own. As she said above he is waiting with CM for 5-10 minutes until she returns home. People posting she leaves her child home alone is not true.

5-10 minutes on his own or with a childminder is not very long he sounds like a very mature young boy at 8 years old. It still doesn't excuse the worker dropping him home when she has no authority to do so.

Sunshine, that absolutely doesn't say the CM always stays if OP isn't home - she says it sometimes happens that the CM has to leave quickly and he is left on his own - around three times a year.

That is correct that is why I sent the second posting.

Its not against the law to leave you're 8 year old alone for 5-10 minutes unless someone makes a complaint. Someone who drives you're child home with out any authorisation from the parent could be seen as child neglect. The playscheme is allowing a child to go home with someone that the mother doesn't know very well. She could be a child abuser or a murderer you don't know. For a play centre to allow that to happen they have to be held accountable.

The playscheme is allowing a child to go home with someone that the mother doesn't know very well. She could be a child abuser or a murderer you don't know.

If the person running your play scheme is a murderer, you have bigger problems than her driving your child home. As a play scheme leader she will have DBS clearance, yes?

For a play centre to allow that to happen they have to be held accountable.

Accountable by whom and for what? "Child driven home by DBS cleared play scheme leader" doesn't sound like a problem to me.

You are every care worker's worst nightmare: she was only trying to help! Now you have made her and your son very upset. What a great shame. Maybe she shouted at your son because he was making her late for an appointment and she was at her wits end. Be glad she cares enough to force your son to be taken care of. Your post has made me sad: it wasn't an ideal situation, she did her best and now you are making a complaint against her. Get a grip.

No workers should be driving anyone home unless they are insured. All playschool workers should be Police checked.

You are definitely not out of order to be concerned although a formal complaint might be a bit ott.

I applaud your son for not wanting to get in the car. It's what we teach our children to understand , and you have taught him well. He knew he didn't have your permission to get in the car and he was understandably worried and didn't want to.

She was doing you a huge favour but in her professional capacity, should have rung you first to let you know.

Your son at the age of 8 can't and shouldn't be expected to make a judgement call like that. And it worries me the number of people on here who question your sons behaviour.

Explain why you were unhappy about it to her gently but don't formally complain.

It's also ok to tell your son, that although she thought she was helping him she didn't approach it in the right way. It's ok for kids to know that adults can be wrong too.