Play scheme worker forced DS into her car

[Longlost10]

My 8 yo DS is in a holiday playscheme, there are two workers there I know. I employ the first one to drive DS home for me at the end of the day. The second one is her boss.

Two days ago, the first one was called away by a family emergency, and unable to drive DS home. The second one made him get into her car against his will, and she drove him home.

I rang her up that night, very very angry. I have taught DS never to get into anyone's car without my express permission, even if he knows them. He was very distressed, and said he had tried to resist and argue, but she had irresistibly over ruled him and forced him in.

When I spoke to the second worker on Friday, she got very offended, and said she thought she was doing a favour for a friend. I am however going to make a formal complaint. She probably was a friend, of sorts, we have been using that play scheme for years,and got to know each other well.

Even so, AIBU to think she should have rung me, and given me the option of leaving work early as a one off emergency, or giving DS permission to get in her car

Was your ds really left alone in an unsafe house, op? That little nugget was drip fed much later in the thread, and appears to have raised no particular concerns with you.
It certainly came a poor second to your ds getting a lift with a play scheme leader you admit to knowing well.

Fairuza

I agree with most of what you are saying but the whole situation could have been prevented if playworked1/CM/taxi service had done her job properly in the first place.

It's like if a parent or CM forgets to pick up their DC from school - it's the parent's/CM's mistake, but the child is in the care of the school and the school is responsible for ensuring the child goes home with an appropriate person at the end of the day. If they send them off with a random person, however well known, it's the school's safeguarding breach, not the parent's.

It's all very well saying "Report the playscheme" but to whom?

The child is 8 years old. Is this playscheme a professional childcare facility registered and inspected with Ofsted? Or is it a more casual arrangement? If all the children are 8 years and over, it's possible they are not registered at all.

The fact that they not only drove the child home but then left them alone in an empty house without informing anyone raises another pretty big flag!

Not really, given that OP is happy for him to be left in an empty house by the original childminder.

Why is it only an issue that the OP's 8 year old son was left on his own since the playworker dropped him off? The OP herself says she regularly leaves him alone after the normal childminder drops him off.
Why is it ok for childminder but not playworker boss? (I don't think he should be left alone at all tbh but thats the mothers prerogative)

Yes op she should have just pissed off and left him behind when her colleague was called away, it wasnt her problem after all. Yabu, with bells on.

Through this whole thread I just cannot get my head around why it is ok for the playworker boss to care for son during the day but not ok for her to drive him home! why on earth would that person not be a 'trusted' person but childminder (who if employed by playworker boss, probably has less experience and less training) is a trusted person? And what makes childminder less likely to abduct the child than playworker boss?

George, the second person is not in a one to one situation, she manages the playscheme and is only slightly known to the family. Cm is a hitherto trusted childcarer for the Ds (although why she leaves him alone for sake of a few minutes is questionable).

No she isn't Judy - OP has clearly said childminder has left him on a handful of occasions when the OP knows he is there and has ok'd it, and builders haven't been in the house. Totally different to someone making the decision and not letting the parent know.

Fairuza, OP said "The playscheme is actually in my son's school, from where he catches the bus home alone every school day at the end of the day". So she's happy with him being in a bus with a load of strangers, and so far as I can see there is no guarantee that she's at home when he gets off the bus.

George, 1:1 carries much more risk than a group situation. Even non-safe adults will behave apparently normally in a group situation, the first sign of an issue is often that they will try to get kids 1:1. That's why safeguarding is normally really careful about when it is allowed and who it is allowed with. I'm DBS checked and allowed to "look after" kids in school, I do 1:1 reading, but I stay in a public area. I would not be allowed to take a kid into a room on my own. I would certainly never be allowed to take them out of school on my own.

If I need to fetch a friend's child, that is only allowed if she sends a note or calls to okay it. Even if I've collected them 10 times before and know the family really well.

It's about protecting the adults against potential false allegations as well. What if OP's son had said that the careworker did physically hurt him to get in the car? Even if it wasn't true, she'd have been in really hot water, and had no witnesses to protect her.

The fact is the OP expects her child to travel to and from school alone by bus in termtime and the only reason the child has to have an escort in holiday time is because the playsheme insists an adult must collect the child-the OP has said that if they didn't have this policy she'd be fine with her child travelling alone and potentially to an empty house in the holidays too- which makes her stance frankly odd.

It appears the second playworker was unaware that the childminder had not bothered to let the OP know what was happening and the OP is blaming the wrong person. Frankly I'd be sacking the childminder as there's little excuse for not doing this at some point in the six hours or at the very least letting the playleader know she hadn't contacted the parent .

In England you have to tell the teacher or childminder if someone else is picking them up. If no one is around to pick up my dc then the school or nurseries would inform me. If someone I knew from the school or nursery took my child home without my knowledge do you think I am going to pussy foot around and not make a complaint. Know matter how well I know the person don't touch my child or force my child into you're car without me knowing. The play worker is very lucky the OP didn't complain as she should not be working with children if thats her attitude.

I think the OP has done the right thing and removed her child from the situation.

A few times iv been at the school and dd has come out with friends who's parents I know and asked for a lift. We call them first, and off course there's never a problem but just feel in the society we live in that's how it's got to be.

I've been giving lifts in a similar fashion for years and I've never called a parent to check it's ok and neither have the children I've given lifts to. These children know when it's appropriate to get in someone's car or not because they've been equipped with the skills to make these decisions as have my children.

DD3 is 9 and even she is capable of judging whether to get in a car with someone or not. If my lovely neighbour asked DD3 if she wanted to go to the park with her to walk the dog she would come and ask me (or the person in charge) but yesterday she got in my friend's car without checking I'd given permission. She was able to look at the situation and determine that it was ok. And it was!

Oh dear, if this were me I would be taking in a box of chocolates and/or flowers and thanking them for getting my child home safely, rather than making a formal complaint. But that's just me.

Me too leopardgecko.

Surprised anyone thinks what happened is OK, and that the OP is BU.

Trying to imagine myself yelling at an anxious and worried child to get into my car...and nope. I think that woman is possibly in the wrong job.

Procedures were woeful, and it could all have easily been avoided.

I think you all want to be controversial and say YABU and you would allow you're child to get into anybody's car. I used to watch pregnant and 16 and when you saw the family's you think OMG no wonder the children has no direction. You have to protect you're children and instil in them ambition to work hard and do something with their lives.

I used to watch pregnant and 16 and when you saw the family's you think OMG no wonder the children has no direction. You have to protect you're children and instil in them ambition to work hard and do something with their lives.

Like working hard at GCSE English, for example.

Wtf has 'instilling ambition' got to do with anything on this thread?

You're child and their behaviour is a reflection on you. Her child not wanting to get into a car with someone who they know or don't know shows good parenting. If from what she says he travels home by himself in term time then as his mother she would tell him don't talk to strangers and don't get into anyones car. A lot of the children play out but none of them would get into a neighbours car or a friend of mummy's car it sounds very weird. Most of the posts on here sound weird.

CuboidalSlipshoddy I am not a teacher thats why I send my children to school. I don't pretend to be something I'm not.