Play scheme worker forced DS into her car

[Longlost10]

My 8 yo DS is in a holiday playscheme, there are two workers there I know. I employ the first one to drive DS home for me at the end of the day. The second one is her boss.

Two days ago, the first one was called away by a family emergency, and unable to drive DS home. The second one made him get into her car against his will, and she drove him home.

I rang her up that night, very very angry. I have taught DS never to get into anyone's car without my express permission, even if he knows them. He was very distressed, and said he had tried to resist and argue, but she had irresistibly over ruled him and forced him in.

When I spoke to the second worker on Friday, she got very offended, and said she thought she was doing a favour for a friend. I am however going to make a formal complaint. She probably was a friend, of sorts, we have been using that play scheme for years,and got to know each other well.

Even so, AIBU to think she should have rung me, and given me the option of leaving work early as a one off emergency, or giving DS permission to get in her car

Of course it is her fault! She's an adult isn't she? Grown-ups don't get to use the 'but someone told me too' excuse.

The childminder should've contacted you to tell you that she wouldn't be bringing your ds home. It wasn't the second playworkers responsibility to contact you to tell you that your contracted childminder wouldn't be able to bring your ds home. It probably got to the end of the day and she had realised that you hadn't been contacted and so rather than wait for you to come and get him it would be easier and help you out to drop him home. It wasn't her responsibility until that point (I.e when the childminder had to leave) to inform you as it wasn't related directly to the playscheme as it's not the playscheme who is contracted to to take your ds home. She probably did think she was doing you and your childminder a favour. It was well intentioned and I wouldn't be complaining at her but would be looking at what the childminder has in place in these circumstances. The fact that the childminder also works at the playscheme is a red herring. I'm surprised you don't have something in your contract with the childminder that says she can ask some else to drive your ds in emergencies - I thought that was standard.

Daisy Thanks for pointing it out, I will check it, especially that in the last staff meeting we had conversation about it, but it might be only this particular nursery.

I don't think you are being unreasonable op. I could understand the 2nd worker had good intentions, up until she forced him into the car
Who does that sort of thing?

I'm a beaver leader and no way would we drop a child home without speaking to the parents first. Even when my friend's son wasn't picked up by his usual grandparent, I would not have given him a lift without her permission. I called her and offered a lift and she accepted. But if her DS had been unwilling, I would have stayed at our premises until she arrived.

As others have said, children are taught that 'safe' adults will never force them to do something they are uncomfortable with, or have been told by their parents not to do.

Why on earth she didn't call you when he got distressed ( although a call 6 hours before would have been the right thing to do) is beyond me. I certainly would have called the police if I saw a child being forced into a car.

The person that the OP should be enraged at is her childminder.

They are the ones that changed the rules about pick up by asking someone else to do it. It is their safe guarding procedures that should be looked at.

That that work at a play scheme and that this happened with play scheme workers is irrelevant as the play scheme hours had ended and the private arrangement had kicked in.

I realise that this post will be overlooked but none of this is the fault of the play scheme or worker 2.

Sorry YAbVU these are not strangers but play scheme workers employed by you to look after your child. His else would you get him home. I assume you don't drive so pay extra like I do for my child to be taken home. Unless they assaulted him, which I very doubt, then yabvvvvvu. Next time you collect him!

Did the childminder change the pick up? I thought the OP said her childminder was surprised the other playworker had taken it upon herself to drive the DC home and had assumed she would call the OP?

Of course it is connected to the playscheme. The child was still in the playscheme's care. Schools and nurseries can't just do whatever they like with children not collected at 5pm because their official opening hours are finished.

Her childminder is definitely the one who needs to answer sone questions and an ill grandparent (unless the person is that grandparents next of kin/main carer) is highly unlikely to be a serious enough emergency that you drop all responsibilities without a thought.
Rushing another child to hospital wih a very serious injury or being rushed to hospital yourself are possibly the only scenarios in which I'd expect all 'rules' ro be out of the window.

Castle: So in an emergency, what would you expect your child to do? Refuse to go with someone they know well, exactly as you have told them? It's your prerogative, but if I knew that was the instruction a parent had given, I wouldn't look after your child at all. Just as you are entitled to make that choice, so am I as the career.

In an emergency, I would expect my children to follow the instructions of the person responsible for them. I think they would do so. I would expect it to be made clear that the responsibility for them was being handed over to someone else but that DH or I were being contacted.

However, I think the problem arises when people have different views of what an 'emergency' situation is. Car crash/responsible person taken ill, fire etc- clearly the children need to obey instructions immediately. I think they'd be too scared to do anything else.

Someone late to collect- that's not an emergency situation, there is time to contact the parents, make alternative arrangements and so on. In those circumstances, I would expect my children to stay with the person responsible for them until DH or I, or a family member was able to get yo them.

I don't think you are being unreasonable.
You employ someone to drive your son home. She should have rang you to tell you that she won't be able to do it due to an emergency and check with you that it was ok for someone else to drive him or if you would prefer to collect. That would have given you an opportunity to talk to your son and prepare him for the fact that he will be taken home by someone else.

The fact that she overpowered him to force him into the car is not acceptable, even if she perceived him as being "noughty" for not wanting to get in the car.

The amount of people that say that what she did was ok baffles me! I am due my first child, so no real mum experience yet but I do work with children with and without special needs and I think that what she did was unacceptable.

Pearlman - the playworker took it upon herself to drive the child home and leave him alone without the permission or knowledge of either the parent or childminder.

The OP says the childminder "was under the impression I was going to be rung 6 hours before the actual pick up time."

Fairuza

Of course it is connected to the playscheme. The child was still in the playscheme's care.

The child wasn't still in the play-scheme's care, it had passed on to the private arrangement between the CM and the OP, the CM had made other arrangements. ("favour for a friend"), It is the CM that is wrong, irrespective of the circumstances it is her that had 6 hours to call the OP

Where does it say the CM made any arrangement? From what the OP has said (the childminder assumed the parent would be called) it doesn't sound like the CM asked the playworker to do anything.

I take "favour for a friend" to mean that the CM asked her friend to take the child home. You read it another way.

But it still doesn't absolve the CM from not contacting the OP about the change of arrangements.

The favour could be either to the CM or the OP - she said the playworker " said she thought she was doing a favour for a friend...She probably was a friend, of sorts, we have been using that play scheme for years,and got to know each other well."

However kind you think you are being doing a favour, if it's not wanted and you haven't informed anyone or gained permission, and you distress a child and leave them alone without telling anyone where they are, then it's not a very good favour.

It's particularly stupid to do it in your capacity as a playworker without informing or gaining permission from the parent, and shows very poor judgement.

I would inform Ofsted and let them deal with it.

The CM should have informed the OP, but if she had to rush off in an emergency then I can understand her assuming the playscheme would do it.

The playworker has no excuse at all for not calling the OP. Phoning parents will absolutely be standard procedure, and if the playscheme doesn't bother keeping contact details and informing parents before leaving their children home alone then I imagine Ofsted would be even more interested in investigating. They have closed settings for less when it comes to safeguarding.

If I was worker 2 the minute the child started to get upset she should have said, don't worry let's call your mum and check it with her. It's no problem. Even if it was just to protect herself. Their is no way in hell I would want to give a child a lift home that wasn't happy to get in my car. I drive the school run. We sometimes see dd friends ( who I don't know very well and have not met parents ) dd asks me to stop to offer a lift, I won't do this. I'd worry if I was in an accident with them in the car and the implications that caused. A few times iv been at the school and dd has come out with friends who's parents I know and asked for a lift. We call them first, and off course there's never a problem but just feel in the society we live in that's how it's got to be.

Some who has so little common sense and such a poor grasp of safeguarding doesn't sound like a suitable person to be running a playscheme, regardless of how long I'd known them.

Failing to make a phone call is a very minor fault compared to a playscheme manager:
Failing to inform parents
Failing to have contact details accessible
Putting a child in their car without permission
Insisting on a child getting in the car when they object
Leaving a child home alone without informing anyone where they are

Fairuza
"It's particularly stupid to do it in your capacity as a playworker without informing or gaining permission from the parent,"

As worker 2 is the manager of the play scheme, it must have ended otherwise she wouldn't have been taking the child home.

"The playworker has no excuse at all for not calling the OP. Phoning parents will absolutely be standard procedure,"

Only if she is acting as a playworker and not as a private arrangement between herself and the CM.