Play scheme worker forced DS into her car

[Longlost10]

My 8 yo DS is in a holiday playscheme, there are two workers there I know. I employ the first one to drive DS home for me at the end of the day. The second one is her boss.

Two days ago, the first one was called away by a family emergency, and unable to drive DS home. The second one made him get into her car against his will, and she drove him home.

I rang her up that night, very very angry. I have taught DS never to get into anyone's car without my express permission, even if he knows them. He was very distressed, and said he had tried to resist and argue, but she had irresistibly over ruled him and forced him in.

When I spoke to the second worker on Friday, she got very offended, and said she thought she was doing a favour for a friend. I am however going to make a formal complaint. She probably was a friend, of sorts, we have been using that play scheme for years,and got to know each other well.

Even so, AIBU to think she should have rung me, and given me the option of leaving work early as a one off emergency, or giving DS permission to get in her car

Have you spoken to the CM at all, Op?

What's their take on it?

Why didn't they contact you?

Just as this seems the right thread for this question, the dcs' grandad, who is on the 'approved' list (at nursery , so a while ago) has an identical twin...I'd love to know the implications of him picking up! Not that it would ever be an issue but just curious.

A quick phone call to you would've saved a lot of hassle

Stealth - if he turned up, was on the list and 'recognised' by the staff (or had a password if hadn't collected before) the kids would be handed over.

Pearlman - I've never worked anywhere, school or nursery, that has needed a policy to say in writing 'if a child isn't collected/their childminder can't take them, don't put them in your car instead of calling their parents'. Surely you assume that is obvious?

So now we have to teach our children to be afraid of play scheme leaders (who presumably have had all the relevant checks done?). I assume if you trust one, and not the other, you've done your own background checks into her and have had them all cleared?

What if your son had an accident and play worker nr 2 decided to drive him to A&E, presumably that would be OK.

I think this is more about how you have taught your son, than the actions of the staff. If he is so rigid about not getting into the "wrong cars" then he hasn't been taught how to properly risk assess. That would be far more worrying to me than a member of staff thinking she was doing you a favour. I'm still not sure that what she did counts a "forcing" but of course " play worker took my child home after convincing him to get into my her car" is less catchy.

If your son was distressed and crying, my main worry would be his relationships with the adults he is supposed to trust to look after him.

If I was the "boss" of the playscheme; I'd refuse to have your child on the premises ever again. Purely to avoid ever having to deal with you.

Original - I guess no nursery nurses, teachers, school staff, anyone with a CRB check has ever hurt a child then?

Alternate universe.

The setting should ensure they have parents' contact details and the ability to phone them. I can't believe that's considered optional by some on here. Ofsted would beg to differ - I know of a couple of holiday club settings that have been graded 'requires improvement' for exactly this. There should be a file with all contact details and medical info accessible.

Also any well meaning adult should understand why a child would decline to get in a car with them, and not continue to insist.

What is the difference between the two workers? . One of them op is happy to pay to drive her child home; but she says if she'd been informed the other one was doing it instead she'd have taken time off work to do it herself??
Surely that's bollocks, op? What if worker 1 was ill; would you consider your child safe in the care of worker 2? Or would you take leave from work so he could stay home instead? Why would you leave your child in a place at all where one of the staff posed such a threat?

Just curious-

If she'd phoned you first, why wouldn't you have let her bring him home this time?

The difference is one is a childminder employed by the OP to take her child home, and the other is a playworker?

My children go to school and a childminder. I am happy for the childminder to drive them around, I have a contract with her, she is insured and has proper carseats, and the children are expecting to go in her car.
I wouldn't be happy with a teaching assistant giving them a lift home if their childminder couldn't collect without calling me.
Even if their childminder got a TA job at the school and still looked after them after school, I still wouldn't become happy with another TA taking them home without asking me.

Personally I'd be complaining to Ofsted about - the lack of contact details/ability to contact parents, failing to contact you, driving a child home without permission from parents and leaving an 8 year old home alone without informing anyone where they were.

If all that is as fine and reasonable as previous posters suggest, Ofsted won't have a problem.

I just cannot see the logic in 'I trust person X to care for my child in a building, but not in a car'.

No it isn't Pearlman - the OP said quite clearly that the childminder calls her, and isn't leaving him at the moment as the house is unsafe.

Her arrangement with her childminder doesn't affect whether a playscheme can choose to leave a child somewhere without parental permission and without informing anyone.

I work in the nursery (one of the gov one, with high security), and one of the rules, especially in emergency, is to NOT drive children in private vehicles. In emergency ambulance is called to a child, not child driven to hospital.

Ian Huntley and Maxine Carr were also known to Holly and Jessica. And oh so friendly

We all want to keep our children 100% safe, so we all have to make calls about the risks involved.

Personally I did not want my child growing up thinking everyone was out to get her, so I only taught her about not getting into cars with strangers, for example. Someone cited a teacher who killed two boys, horrible, horrible, but how likely is it for something like that to happen again?

There was a thread about a mother not letting her dd have a sleep-over in a house where only the father would be minding them and most people thought she was OTT, but surely that was a much more risky situation?

More likely for children to be abused or killed by someone they know than a stranger though Atenco? Mostly because children are more likely to get in cars of go into houses without telling anyone if they know the person.

Loona13 Re nurseries - an emergency ambulance is called OR the child is taken to hospital by the nursery but by 2 members of staff, 1 to drive and 1 to look after the child. That's what I have read (having had cause to check up on that, unfortunately). Not that nursery staff can't take a child to hospital under any circumstance, but there must be someone other than the driver to be taking care of the child.

Does anyone actually know if the workers contacted or tried to contact the OP to discuss change of arrangements? Have I missed that bit?

You should have been called.