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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Play scheme worker forced DS into her car

638 replies

Longlost10 · 24/07/2016 23:42

My 8 yo DS is in a holiday playscheme, there are two workers there I know. I employ the first one to drive DS home for me at the end of the day. The second one is her boss.

Two days ago, the first one was called away by a family emergency, and unable to drive DS home. The second one made him get into her car against his will, and she drove him home.

I rang her up that night, very very angry. I have taught DS never to get into anyone's car without my express permission, even if he knows them. He was very distressed, and said he had tried to resist and argue, but she had irresistibly over ruled him and forced him in.

When I spoke to the second worker on Friday, she got very offended, and said she thought she was doing a favour for a friend. I am however going to make a formal complaint. She probably was a friend, of sorts, we have been using that play scheme for years,and got to know each other well.

Even so, AIBU to think she should have rung me, and given me the option of leaving work early as a one off emergency, or giving DS permission to get in her car

OP posts:
BoneyBackJefferson · 25/07/2016 13:41

Fairuza
"Some who has so little common sense and such a poor grasp of safeguarding doesn't sound like a suitable person to be running a playscheme, regardless of how long I'd known them."

the same should be said for the CM.

Fairuza · 25/07/2016 13:41

The OP was right not to have faith in her given that she distressed the child and then left them home alone in a building site without informing anyone where they were!

Pearlman · 25/07/2016 13:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Fairuza · 25/07/2016 13:46

Boney, when a nursery closes at say 5pm, sometimes children haven't been picked up. The nursery staff don't get to say 'well technically nursery has finished so I don't have any duty to these children'. You don't get to clock off and leave them.

Since it doesn't seem like the CM made an arrangement with the playworker, they can't suddenly decide they are no longer running a playscheme but now acting as an agent for someone else.

Even if the childminder had asked for a favour, the playworker's behaviour was pretty stupid - she should know you always, always contact parents first, gain permission, and don't leave children in your care alone.

sashh · 25/07/2016 13:47

I employ the first one to drive DS home for me at the end of the day.
^^
This is your problem.

I assume the woman is not a licensed cab driver. She is therefore not insured to drive your son home, more importantly if she has an accident and your son is hurt there will be no insurance payout to him.

I also assume you pay her cash and don't pay her NI, tax and holiday pay.

You are quite happy to let your child travel in an unlicensed cab with no insurance and no second person but you are unhappy when someone does you a favour and brings your child home. The irony being that for this journey, as it is a favour, means that the woman is insured.

If your son needs your permission then maybe it is time he has a mobile phone with your number in it so he could call and get permission.

It might be worth talking about decision making.

I once went to pick up a friend's children from primary, the teacher I approached brought me in to the classroom and asked the child

"Do you know this person?" and "would your mum be happy to let you go home with this person?"

There are other situations when it might be useful for him to choose. If the person you employ burst a tyre on the way home and calls the AA to tow her home, should your son get in the AA van?

What about an ambulance?

Pearlman · 25/07/2016 13:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Fairuza · 25/07/2016 13:51

The playworker absolutely should know she shouldn't be putting children in her car without permission, or leaving them at home alone without informing anyone where they are.

And as I say, if she is confused about this, then Ofsted urgently need to speak to her.

BoGrainger · 25/07/2016 13:55

But until we know word for word what was said between the playworkers we can't assume that no2 did this unthinkingly. No1 might have assured her that she was contacting mum and that just drop him off at the house even if no one was there. I think that no2 was probably caught off kilter when he refused to get in the car.

BoneyBackJefferson · 25/07/2016 14:00

Fairuza

Yes, the play workers actions were "pretty stupid", but it doesn't absolve the CM of her duty of care or safeguarding responsibilities to the child or the OP to blame the play-worker completely is, I feel, crass and overlooks the person who is to blame for all of this coming about.

That the OP feels so unhappy that she is finding alternative care is fine, that is her choice, but that she isn't changing CMs is fairly stupid.

Pearlman · 25/07/2016 14:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Aeroflotgirl · 25/07/2016 14:06

I am not seeing where the childminding bit is from? These were two playscheme employees, one she employs to drive her child from playscheme to home, the other is her boss, the one who gives her child a lift could not do it, so her boss did, what is the problem. I have to do this, as I don't drive and there are no public transport to the specialist playscheme I need for my dd with ASD. The playscheme is part of the specialist care company which provides care for dd, so I pay for a carer to collect her and take her home. Some times it is different carers. they are fully ensured to carry dd, as they have to drive children with ASD as part of their job to different activities or places.

I am sure that the playscheme workers in op case have business insurance, so that they can carry children. If they don't then surely its up to the discretion of the parents to make that decision.

Fairuza · 25/07/2016 14:07

Pearlman, are you honestly saying it is fine for childcare workers to drive children around and leave them alone without gaining permission or informing anyone, so long as there isn't a written policy against it?
Does that mean that so long as there isn't a written policy about taking photos of children with personal mobile phones then it's fine to do so too?
I guess if that's the case then Ofsted won't have a problem with it?

BoneyBackJefferson · 25/07/2016 14:09

Aeroflotgirl

Playworker 1 is also the childminder, who also has a private arrangement to transport the child home from the play scheme.

Aeroflotgirl · 25/07/2016 14:10

DD is at playscheme today, dd is under a social work team, her social worker said that A would be driving her, but B who is his boss turned up. Of course I let her go, I trust B is insured as part of her job to carry dd, I know that it will be anyone of our social worker team who will be transporting her to holiday scheme.

Floggingmolly · 25/07/2016 14:11

Me neither, Aero Confused. The entire thread is full of answers based on the driver being a childminder totally separate from the playscheme; but op explicitly states that they are both play leaders at the scheme, and one is the other's boss...
She refuses to explain why one is perfectly trustworthy and the other is not, however.

NewtoCornland · 25/07/2016 14:11

Blimmin' 'eck my head is hurting trying to figure this out....please could somebody clarify?

Was ds at the playscheme with the CM, as a child that she was minding? Or did one of the workers just happen to be someone that OP uses as her CM?

Was worker 2 (who drove the ds home) the person who ran the playscheme? Or is the CM the person who runs the playscheme?

Is worker 2 a 'friend' of some years to the OP? Or did I read that wrong?

Does ds get a bus home from school on his own? Is it a school bus or a public bus? And, when he gets home from school, is he left on his own for 5-10 minutes, until OP arrives home? But doesn't get left at the moment by CM because there are builders at the house (I read that as before and after the builders it's fine for him to be left alone)

And did OP explain why, all of a sudden, after this incident, the playscheme is now run slap-dash and unsafely when it's been perfectly fine for the past near 8 months?

Sorry, that's a lot that needs clarification, but I've just read 17 pages and couldn't make sense of it at all!

Aeroflotgirl · 25/07/2016 14:12

Op then next time tell her that if she is not available to take your child, then you want her to contact you so that you can pick him up instead then!

Aeroflotgirl · 25/07/2016 14:13

Yes can someone highlight where op has said that this playworker is the childminder, because I am not seeing it in the op.

Pearlman · 25/07/2016 14:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BoneyBackJefferson · 25/07/2016 14:16

"Longlost10 Mon 25-Jul-16 06:59:12"

"Just to answer some questions, the first worker is a registered childminder, and the contract for her care of DS is formal and legal, she sometimes has him after school too. She is also insured to drive him. She had left in the morning as her grandfather was admitted to hospital. She is very close to him"

Fairuza · 25/07/2016 14:17

Areoflot - you can highlight the OPs posts in a thread in your settings and then just scroll through and read them.

Fairuza · 25/07/2016 14:19

Pearlman - the appropriate response is crystal clear, if there is a problem you call a parent.
If you need to be told in writing how to keep a child safe, how to phone a parent, and how to not leave children alone without informing anyone where they are, then you are not a suitable person to be in a management position. That's the kind of handholding you might expect a teenage apprentice to need.

BoneyBackJefferson · 25/07/2016 14:19

sorry incorrect bolding
Areo

Longlost10 Mon 25-Jul-16 06:59:12

Just to answer some questions, the first worker is a registered childminder, and the contract for her care of DS is formal and legal, she sometimes has him after school too. She is also insured to drive him. She had left in the morning as her grandfather was admitted to hospital. She is very close to him

Aeroflotgirl · 25/07/2016 14:19

I don't see where the childminding bit is, or is it something that has been misconstrued later on.

Fairuza · 25/07/2016 14:21

Floggingmolly - the playscheme manager has proved herself not to be trusted to drive a child home. It seems she can't even be trusted to work a phone.