To make family members delete pictures of DD when she was born?

[thumb3lina]

When DD was born I was under general anaesthetic and didn't wake up well so I didn't see her for a few hours. A few family members met DD and took pictures of her in her cot before I had met her and I'm now seeing these pictures a lot, printed and digitally. Would IBU to make people delete them or at least remove them from display?

My reasoning is that DH and I should have been first to meet her and I don't like that they met my own daughter before I did, also because I don't like to see these pictures as they remind me of the time I missed with her. Purely selfish reasons.

CoteD did you even reas the post?
You shouldn't have let them into the hospital room, then. You should have told everyone "No visits the first day".

She was in no position to tell people that was she considering the birth she experienced?? If she was in the room to tell them she'd have met dd first! Honestly, how hard is it to follow a thread!!

you met your baby first, you grew her, you talked to her and sang to her and carried her with you for 9 months - you need to let this go, it's two hours.

When my DD was born, me and DH were in theatre and the midwife put the baby straight in my mum's arms, she was waiting in the delivery suite.... my mum's loves that she was the first to hold DD, I love that she
was there for us, or DD would have lying in the arms of a midwife or a stressed out DH.... and as it was, she laid in my mum's arms and I can't think of anything better... try and maybe focus on the positives, she wasn't alone, she was with family and they were worried for both of you and were there for you.

OP I was in the same situation as you, I asked for no Pictures. They were still taken and whenever they pop up I want to weep. They remind me of a time I would like to deal with in my own way.

OP, if you're still around - there are lots of us who have empathy and do not think you are being unreasonable. Your birth experience was clearly traumatic and you do not seem to have reconcilled yourself to what happened.

I agree with pp's that some therapy mighy help. Nothing can change what happened and in time you may come to treasure thpse photos. I look at mine now of my lb when he was on all those machines and marvel at how far he has come. However if you're not there yet that's ok

I don't think you can expect to ask people to delete pictures which are precious to them and expect them to agree. You could perhaps ask for them to be removed from places you see them i.e their house but it's impossible to make them. Obvs on FB you can try reporting the photo and getting it removed. Whatever the photo is of, if its your child and and oh have the right to veto publoc sharing.

I really hope you can ignore all the insensitive and stupid comments on this thread. It's not a first world problem. It's not insignificant cos someone has been tbeough something worse. Its not ridiculous cos someone else feels differently about it.

Give your beautiful girl a kiss and praise yourself for all you do for her every day sonce you know she was inside you xx

My Nephew was born via GA c-section and none of knew he was born until he was a few hours old. This was 34 week into the pregnancy and the hospital told us to go home as nothing was likely to happen.

It was lucky my sister was in hospital as she started to haemorrhage and as such the baby need to be born to save her life, in which thankfully they managed to save her and stop the bleeding as I would of resulted in a hysterectomy.

As nephew was in sbcu the dad give permission for us to meet the baby. I took a few pictures has them printed and gave them to my sister. I still have those pics on a saved file backed up. These are not my picture they are my sisters.

Your mum need to learn some empathy and support you.

You may look at those pictures in years to come and be thankful but at this time your mum should put the pictures in a safe place until you have come to terms of how your baby was born.

Btw OP as they were running out the labour room with me for the operation I was begging my DH (shouting back to him, he couldn't come!) not to let anyone meet our baby before me (we were told he'd be going to scbu) I knew, even then, how awful it would be.

As it happened DH then I met him after all the medial staff but it saddens me to think of his first hour or so without any parents.

Then family turned up and I said no photos. ILs still took them. I look like a dead person, which I hadn't been far off being. No one wants to see that in picture form!

No I'm not controlling at all, my mum is though and she fucking loves that she met DD first.

No she didn't. You met your dd first. You had 9 months together when it was just the 2 of you and the moment she was born it was your body she was coming out of, your body she was connected to.

If you mother ever ever says to you "I met her before you" laugh and say "yes it is lovely you met her so soon but you do realise she came out of my body don't you - doesn't get much more acquainted than that"

I had a traumatic first birth (had a few minutes with him on me and then emergencies all around - didn't see him again till the next day - and even then I could barely function). It takes its toll and this is obviously a toll it has taken on you, OP. It is a pity your mother isn't nicer or more sensitive to your feelings. But don't take any of that "I met her first" shit. She didn't. You are the most important woman in this baby's life.

"She was in no position to tell people that was she considering the birth she experienced?? If she was in the room to tell them she'd have met dd first!

Oooh you're clever!

Obviously what I meant was that OP & her DH could have told the hospital & their relatives beforehand that they did not want visits the 1st day. OP then clarified why hospital let them in.

Conversation has moved on a bit. We are now urging OP to seek help for dealing for her birth trauma, especially since her DD is now 7 months old. Do try to keep up.

Clearly have as i reiterated the point
But telling her its basically her own fault for not knowing she wouldn't get to meet lo first really isn't helping thatvtrauma!

Cote sarcasm is aggressive not assertive.

Being assertive on opinion is good, but there's no need for aggression.

"telling her its basically her own fault for not knowing she wouldn't get to meet lo first really isn't helping thatvtrauma!"

FFS get off your high horse and learn to write.

Welcome to MN, by the way. You'll get a feel for the place soon enough.

Cote - who would think to brief the hospital before admission about what to do if mother and baby are separated after birth? It's not something most people Think about.

As for where OP is, probably sobbing her heart out at the nasty treatment she's had from Vicious cunts on here when she posted for help. You should be ashamed of yourselves.

Slightly worrying CoteD how smug you are over how bitchy and unempathetic many of you are. Oh haha welcome to MN where we're proud to be total bitches!!

I delivered at 35 weeks ECS. It never occured to me in my shock that he might be critically ill when he came out and that he would be taken straight away from me. I didn't consider whether i would bleed out and need GA or further surgery thus keeping me away from my child. So it certainly wouldn't have occured to me as they were pulling my non-breathing baby out of me to yell and make sure no one see's him before me, let alone when they came in and suddenly announced baby was coming out now or when i was in my bed timing contractions and wondering how long til i could hold him

Ah op yanbu she's your baby you should of met her first. I would of been gutted if it had happened to me even though I love my mum to bits. But try to move past it you will have a lot of firsts with your baby that no one can take away from you.

Yabu.. You cannot change history by deleting photos. What do you hope to achieve?

I think some people are being alittle harsh. I can see why this bothers you that there are photos etc before you met your baby.... To mention it to your mother Re taking the photos down would possibly be considered (by them) an odd request.
Having had a traumatic birth myself I know I began to focus on things that others would consider silly but were v upsetting for me. Long story but I had to go to hospital when I hadn't expected to and was v disorganised.... For months after I'd beat myself up about the fact that we didnt have a "receiving blanket" to take dd home in.... something so silly but left me frequently in tears.
I think you need to focus your energies into seeking some counselling to come to terms with the events surrounding the birth. It was no surprise to me that I had PND and PTSD.

OP your feelings are legitimate and I can't believe how many responses on here are completely lacking empathy. I wonder how many of those commenters have actually experienced what you have experienced, but nevertheless, you have a right to your feelings about this. I still feel odd about not getting to hold and see my daughter first for a few hours too and she's now four. I don't think that I'm being very rational about that, but for me it's associated with how terrible I felt having lost 2litres of blood and been in labour for days and all that goes along with an emergency c-section. I think you are associating some of your sadness that you felt during those hours with those photos, and your mother's attitude has compounded that.
I think that constant shutting down of feelings associated with birth trauma by people saying: "well, at least you have a healthy baby" is really unhelpful to processing those traumatic experiences. As soon as I was conscious and for a good few weeks after, all the midwives and everyone else kept telling me: "well, at least you have a healthy baby," even before I properly understood what had happened. It just made me feel guilty for being upset about my experience.

Wow to you. That's what you're trying to make it into.

Can you identify the post I said or insinuated that in?

That makes no sense. So I didn't say it or anything like it. You're grasping at straws to try and guilt trip me. Very immature