2beesornot2beesthatisthehoney ·
23/07/2016 10:50
Been a lurker for a while ,but first post. Please be nice to me!
My DS21lives with his GF in the same town as us. He works hard but has a hand to mouth existence on MW . They don't have children. She doesn't work . She was ill for some time - mentally but would not seek help and so couldn't claim any support as ESA needed medical evidence. Last year after a row , GF was not speaking to me and has not since , despite me apologising for my part. She is selfish, with things she does together eg in their home . He has told me stuff which makes me feel it's not a balanced relationship , despite him working all hours, she doesn't keep house , arranges stuff to suit her not both of them. I have discussed with my DS him moving out to his own place- said I would help him do so ,but he worries for her health if he did.
We don't have a lot of contact with DS , just when they have crises it seems, which is getting wearing , but even more so because of her as I feel her lifestyle makes crises more likely eg this time it was a vet bill for her rodents and unexpected bank charge.
So last contact was for more money yesterday . Reluctantly I agreed to give them some money after pointing out to him that I was essentially funding her lifestyle . I contacted them this am to arrange to meet to give it to them. I texted GF as DS does not have phone they share hers. "I have some money for DS how can he get it? " The answer arrived a few seconds later. " put it in an envelope and pop through the front door" ( of the shared house they live in) . No thanks , no consideration of risk of losing money and I now know she suggested that way so that she did not have to see me.
Email conversation ensued, clear she doesn't want any face to face contact with me - just my money it seems. Very depressed about her attitude and that DS is with her despite this. It seems I am blaming everything on her , I am not he is part of this , an adult , making his choices and as I said seems to come only when he needs something.
I feel for my son and don't want to think of him hungry going to work but really do not feel like supporting her any more, and can't support him through a crisis of their making without supporting her. AIBU thinking this way? Would it BU to just stop after this having agreed to give him some cash (£80) which I don't think despite the horrid email train this am would BR . Frankly I just wish to relationship would end , can't see it surviving long term.