AIBU to expect a thank you for teacher gifts?

[katydid2]

Today is my son's last day at the nursery school where he has spent the past three years. Last week, I gave his teacher what I thought was a very generous thank you gift: a silver-plated picture frame, a voucher for a manicure and pedicure at an expensive spa near the school, and a heartfelt written note with a picture my son drew. I also gave the head teacher an expensive bottle of champagne and a Diptyque candle.

As it's my son's last year, I wanted to give the other teachers and teaching assistants a little gift as well, so I gave them each a goody bag filled with good chocolates, nice hand cream, and a card my son signed. I realised that my gifts were perhaps not the most original or exciting, but I wanted to give each teacher a little something.

Out of the 10 people to whom I gave gifts, two thanked me. The others, including my son's teacher and head teacher, have said not one single word. I don't expect a parade or applause, but a simple thank you would be nice. I don't even expect a hand-written thank-you note (though I always write them), but again some sort of acknowledgement would be nice.

We do live in a very affluent area, but we are not rich. I am a SAHM, we are saving to buy a house, and we spend most of our disposable income on our children's education. Perhaps the teachers are accustomed to getting more expensive gifts and were disappointed with my gifts!? I am genuinely baffled, bemused befuddled, and if I'm honest, very hurt. Am I being too sensitive?

I would say they are pretty extravagant gifts; maybe they were a bit embarrassed and didn't know how to thZnk u.

My best gift was a handmade card from a child with a genuine message - 'I rily like it when your ner me because you help me but you wont be ner me eny mor but I hope I see you agen'.

Some private schools the gifts are crazy so maybe some state schools in those kinds of areas are similar?

Lorelei, if you don't like the teacher, you can always buy her a cockerel!

OP: AIBU for expecting a thank you for thanking someone with an extravagant gift
PP's: Yes YABU
OP: No I'm not, you're all snarky

Sorry the majority don't agree with you OP. Not the response you were after hey?

Did you give the gifts to them or did your DS give them? Did they thank you/him when they got the present or just snatch it away rudely?

It is difficult to find a time to say a thank you at the end of term - and sometimes difficult to find a way to express thanks without in any way embarrassing those children who have brought nothing but a hug and a verbal 'thanks for teaching me' or 'bye'.

I never open presents until I have brought them home, because to do otherwise is embarrassing to other children. I do write thank you cards, but those won't have reached home by today, because they have to be addressed and posted.

What the children will have perceived so far is that i say 'Oh, thank you so much' when the gift is given to me, but as that has typically been right at the beginning of the morning, I then have to do registers etc. At the end of the day I give out my small gifts to them, say a general 'thank you again for any gifts and cards, I really appreciate them', and deliver hugs to those who want to give me one.

Those gifts were lovely. But honestly, a parent coming up and saying a heartfelt thanks in person for teaching their child and a personalised comment, like "they are really enjoying x, y and z now" or "they really understand x, y or z now" or "they will really miss you when they have gone", that means far more than presents. It goes both ways.

Actually if I really honest, at the end of term after all the reports, exams, sorting stuff out for next year, I am lucky if I can remember my own name let alone manage to remember a thank you note.

Another point, I am a senior school teacher - we only get the odd present once in a blue moon. My sister as a primary teacher is swimming in scented candles and bottles of wine and thank you notes at the end of the year. The presents seem to die out in proportion to the age of the child. Bitter moi? Not at all, seeing as I work every bit as hard to ensure that kids learn. Although I have admittedly not got the bed-side manner needed for primary school kids. Believe me, I am running around photocopying, marking and organising from 7.30-4.30 to be making chit chat with parents. We don't get presents, but rather complaints regarding exam results. No complaints is the equivalent of our presents. Again bitter? Not at all.

silver-plated picture frame
Voucher for a manicure and pedicure at an expensive spa
expensive bottle of champagne
Diptyque candle
good chocolates
nice hand cream

we are not rich

Ahahahahahaahahahahaha!

I'm sure you really are a mum and really did give these presents.

Sure you did.

I still cannot imagine any teacher/Headteacher taking a gift and not saying thank you. The OP has been asked several times who actually handed the gifts over and is ignoring this question. I wondered if they were delivered by a company/courier/postperson and that is why the OP is expecting a personal thank you. Just a thought!

At our primary school, an email from the head teacher is usually sent out after the last day of term and after the school's break up for Christmas (another time that gifts are take in for teachers), thanking parents on behalf of all staff for all the gifts and cards. I suspect that teachers may be discouraged for saying individual thank yous to parents because this would be visible to everyone, and not everyone buys a gift or sends a card, and it could cause some people to feel uncomfortable. I once got a sort of hidden thumbs up from a teacher from inside the classroom which made me think that it was perhaps some sort of unofficial policy to leave it to the head teacher to send an email on behalf of everyone. I think this makes sense. It also means that teachers don't have to concern themselves with having thanked some parents and not others and risk causing offence. Personally, i am happy that my child has had the fun of doing the card and sometimes present and giving it to their teacher and my children always tell me that their teachers give them a big hug, which is the point of doing it IMO.

This is a wind-up surely? If not, the OP is so far up her own butt she must be struggling to breathe.

The poster (sorry forgotten who) who suggested she could spend her money as she liked; that's true, but lots of public sector organisations have policies that cap the value of gifts that members of staff are allowed to receive. In my last NHS organisation we had to declare anything over the value of £15.

I realise this might not be a public sector organisation though.

You're annoyed because you've spent hundreds of pounds on ridiculous over the top gifts. I bet you wouldn't feel the same if you had given them all boxes of generic chocolates.

Who gave the gifts to the Teachers though?
You when you saw them at pick up or drop off?
Your son? Though surely he couldn't carry it all.
I can't believe they just silently took gifts from you.

Perhaps they have sent you a card in the post or are writing you an email.
Perhaps they didn't realise thanking your son wasn't enough for you.

I don't know why you would expect sympathy for not getting a thank you. I think you are reading way too much into it and seem a bit hung up on the cost of the gifts and your own financial situation.

I get my kids to write something nice and personal in a card. The teachers just want that. If they've been particularly ace teachers, I write a little note as well.

In DS2's card this year I wrote:

Dear batshitcrazyinagood way NQT Miss So-and-So,

Thank you for teaching DS2 this year with such high expectations met with enthusiasm and encouragement: he's really flourished and you've inspired him to play the trumpet and love stories. And I just want to say - honestly - how much I've appreciated your vibrant personality. Please don't let the structure knock it out of you! You'll be a real loss to this school but good luck in your new job.

And then we sling em all some cheap but good wine from Aldi to drink themselves comatose in their gardens.

Can't say I really care about them thanking me: managing to corral 32 of those little beast, including my nutters and actually teach them something is enough to be honest.

OP

More fool you for spending that much money!!

I give nice quality gifts . I spend ages finding inexpensive things however.
It was kind of you to think of them.

I'm also a TA. So have seen the reactions from teachers too.

Like most people , some have good manners & unfortunately some have become a little too spoiled for their own good!

I hope they send a card, in my experience -that is what normally happens.

Don't go overboard next year. Save your pennies for you .

And as far as I know they have not thanked my son (though admittedly it is often difficult to get much information out of him), nor frankly, do I think that would have been sufficient.
So you do not know that they did not thank your son. What you really wanted was effusive thanks to you for your wonderful expensive presents.
Get over it - as an ex teacher the best presents are when a parent comes to you and says thank you for all you have done for my child.
I certainly did not expect champagne and OTT expensive candles and Spa treatments.

I think your gifts were over the top and a bit cringy tbh. I seems like you were trying to impress!! If i were a teacher or a TA i would be embarrassed.

Next time scale down the present buying, and you won't be so invested in receiving a personal thank you

Beauty. I do like her - but I've made a note for when he starts primary. How would you wrap it, though?

Who handed them the gift?

Did you hand them to them and they really said nothing at all?

Or did your child hand them over and they said thank you to the child? That's enough.

Do you really expect the teachers to come out of school at pick up time and thank ever parent and then ring the ones they miss?

Katydid2

I think said teacher, head and TA are all VERY RUDE - it doesn't take 2 seconds to jot down childs name and gift and say a quick thank you to the parent when they pick them up OR a quick note!

Ignore the snarky/moody comments from the few on here!

Manners cost nothing I don't care how tired and fed up the teachers are!

I think you should move here; where there was a publicised piece in the newspapers last year (along with smiley face photos) where the student gave their teacher a car (well her parents' did) at the end of Y6.

There are also cases of thousand dollar watches and diamonds to the point that some schools are saying no gifts at all.

DD when we left the UK, gave her teacher a plant that she'd potted herself. It's probably dead on a windowsill somewhere.