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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to expect a thank you for teacher gifts?

399 replies

katydid2 · 22/07/2016 09:52

Today is my son's last day at the nursery school where he has spent the past three years. Last week, I gave his teacher what I thought was a very generous thank you gift: a silver-plated picture frame, a voucher for a manicure and pedicure at an expensive spa near the school, and a heartfelt written note with a picture my son drew. I also gave the head teacher an expensive bottle of champagne and a Diptyque candle.

As it's my son's last year, I wanted to give the other teachers and teaching assistants a little gift as well, so I gave them each a goody bag filled with good chocolates, nice hand cream, and a card my son signed. I realised that my gifts were perhaps not the most original or exciting, but I wanted to give each teacher a little something.

Out of the 10 people to whom I gave gifts, two thanked me. The others, including my son's teacher and head teacher, have said not one single word. I don't expect a parade or applause, but a simple thank you would be nice. I don't even expect a hand-written thank-you note (though I always write them), but again some sort of acknowledgement would be nice.

We do live in a very affluent area, but we are not rich. I am a SAHM, we are saving to buy a house, and we spend most of our disposable income on our children's education. Perhaps the teachers are accustomed to getting more expensive gifts and were disappointed with my gifts!? I am genuinely baffled, bemused befuddled, and if I'm honest, very hurt. Am I being too sensitive?

OP posts:
Beeziekn33ze · 22/07/2016 10:18

Did the child have to give all these presents to the right person?? Are you even sure the mani-pedi and champagne didn't end up being given to his favourite support staff??

NavyandWhite · 22/07/2016 10:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 22/07/2016 10:19

Surely the gift is from your son? So why are you expecting a thank you?! A bit needy if you ask me!

Of course she will have thanked him when he handed it over for goodness sake!

Coconutty · 22/07/2016 10:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Salmotrutta · 22/07/2016 10:20

Ah well OP - never mind. When your child goes to secondary it's very rare for teachers to get even a card, never mind a gift from a pupil so you'll be saved all the angst of awaiting a thank you!

On the occasions I have have received cards or gifts from pupils (secondary) I always thank the pupil because it's from them.

Discobabe · 22/07/2016 10:21

I always handed gifts over in person in at nursery so would be thanked there and then. It sounds like a lot of gifts to have been handed out correctly by your ds.

Mine all got a £1 mini bag of Thorntons this year, not to brag or anything.

ChambersOfSecrets · 22/07/2016 10:21

It think you're missing the point. you're saying thank you to THEM. They should graciously accept; nothing more.

Salmotrutta · 22/07/2016 10:22

Oh, and this is a newish thing.

I never gave out gifts to my teachers when I was at school and neither did my kids or their friends (90s).

LoreleiGilmoreIsMyBFF · 22/07/2016 10:23

They probably do get a lot of gifts at this time of year, and I imagine they get piled up in the staff room & then they all have a thoroughly enjoyable afternoon once the children have all finally left unwrapping them!

A thank you is always lovely, but hey, you did your bit and they were lovely pressies. The only reason you might not have had a 'thank-you' from me is because my jaw would probably have been somewhere on the floor when I saw what you'd bought me!

luckiestgirl · 22/07/2016 10:23

I think it's obvious that the teachers just have gifts coming at them from all directions in the last week of term, and they can't keep track of who got them what. So they thank the child when they receive the presents and can't do much more than that.

Don't worry, I'm sure they get home and say 'and one parent got me this amazing Diptique candle' etc.

In my opinion, you're overthinking this.

wornoutboots · 22/07/2016 10:24

well, I don't know. between my kids we gave cards to 2 teachers and 7 TAs, The head, the deputy head, and "to all the non-teaching staff", plus gifts to the nursery, and to my elder child's teacher and 2 TAs.

Every single one of them (including so far 4 non-teaching staff who came to find me specifically) has thanked my children directly and then me when they've seen me.

it's just politeness, isn't it?

molyholy · 22/07/2016 10:24

Thank for my gift katydid.

Oh thank you for thanking me for your gift.

Not at all. Thank you for thanking me, for thanking you

Yes and acknowledgement would have been nice, but surely you cannot expect teachers to personally thank every single parent of every single pupil in the class.

I take it as read that they will have said thank you, when the children gave them their gift. How expensive it is is irrelevant btw.

listsandbudgets · 22/07/2016 10:24

Give them a chance. DD's teachers have always sent her a note that arrives on her desk in September thankinng her for her gift. One teacher actually posted it to her over the summer :)

MiddleClassProblem · 22/07/2016 10:25

"I'm thanking you! Say thank you back" Grin

Honestly, I'm sure your son was thanked and even though you sourced and bought them, they are from him.

You're like an exec PA. You wouldn't expect a thank you from people your boss sent a gift to even if you did all the work...

BalloonSlayer · 22/07/2016 10:25

How can it be bum licking when it was his last bloody day?!

Hmm

All I can say OP is that maybe the teachers don't want to say "thank you for the wonderful present" in front of any other children or parents because then they would feel bad if they didn't get a present.

IME teachers often send out little thank yous at the beginning of the next term. If your DS isn't there any more though I am not sure how that will work.

HeteronormativeHaybales · 22/07/2016 10:27

Your gifts were lovely gestures, though tbh a bit OTT. I might have been a little embarrassed. (And my heart would have sunk at a manicure and pedicure voucher. I hate people messing around with my body, even and especially to beautify me, and the much-cited spa day is my idea of purgatory, if not hell). Of course the recipients should have thanked you. But this seems to have upset you a lot and the lack of acknowledgement seems to hurt in proportion to the size of your gift. What's going on there for you? Do you feel out of step somehow with the other (wealthy/flashy) mums?

OfficiallyUnofficial · 22/07/2016 10:27

THe teacher says thank you to the child when they hand them over. That's enough!

I hate the expectation of writing bloody thank you notes (personal life I'm not a teacher) id rather not be given the gift in the first place.

I just hope the teachers that have worked so hard to make my child feel safe and loved in a traumatic year know I appreciate them and enjoy kicking back with their prosecco!

YABU

mygrandchildrenrock · 22/07/2016 10:31

How did the gifts get to the teacher and Headteacher? If your child gave them directly to them, then surely they would have said thank you. I can't imagine anyone who has been given a gift not saying thank you to the gift bearer.
I came home with flowers and chocolates that had no tag/card on them and although I said thank you to everyone at the time I don't remember exactly who gave me what, which makes writing thank you notes difficult.
Each child got a thanks and hug at the time though, but not sure they'll tell their parents this!

Mooey89 · 22/07/2016 10:32

I've just googled those candles. You gave the headteacher of a NURSERY a £50 candle and a bottle of champagne?!

YABU!

Ragwort · 22/07/2016 10:32

Regardless of whether or not you were thanked, your gifts were extremely extravagant and I would imagine most teachers would be hideously embarrassed to receive such expensive presents. Most professional employees are just not allowed to accept gifts of any kind.

YesYABU · 22/07/2016 10:33

So hang on, you're thanking the staff (very generously) but feel miffed that you then don't get your personal thankyou back?

Don't buy stuff/ give gifts if you expect stuff in return. It's an incredibly busy time of year and as PP pointed out it's really awkward to gushingly thank 1 parent around everyone else. When I got gifts off children I always thanked them as they handed them to me, can't say I then sought out individual parents to return the thankyou unless they handed them to me themselves. Plus it's harder than you think to keep track of who bought what (no champers or candles here tho!)

lifeofdino · 22/07/2016 10:34

I hate the thought of my DCs teachers sitting writing thank you notes, they are knackered and I'd like for them to stop and rest!! A thank you to the child is enough.

LoreleiGilmoreIsMyBFF · 22/07/2016 10:34

Oh god, wish I hadn't followed this thread to be honest! I bought cards with individual messages and a big box of chicks which I'll be handing over at pick up. They've been amazing, and I wish I could do more but the truth is, I can't afford it. ( feels inferior)

Fatrascals · 22/07/2016 10:36

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Withdrawn at request of author

LoreleiGilmoreIsMyBFF · 22/07/2016 10:36

That would be 'chocs', not 'chicks'..... Though I'd like to see the response if it were the latter!

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