AIBU to expect a thank you for teacher gifts?

[katydid2]

Today is my son's last day at the nursery school where he has spent the past three years. Last week, I gave his teacher what I thought was a very generous thank you gift: a silver-plated picture frame, a voucher for a manicure and pedicure at an expensive spa near the school, and a heartfelt written note with a picture my son drew. I also gave the head teacher an expensive bottle of champagne and a Diptyque candle.

As it's my son's last year, I wanted to give the other teachers and teaching assistants a little gift as well, so I gave them each a goody bag filled with good chocolates, nice hand cream, and a card my son signed. I realised that my gifts were perhaps not the most original or exciting, but I wanted to give each teacher a little something.

Out of the 10 people to whom I gave gifts, two thanked me. The others, including my son's teacher and head teacher, have said not one single word. I don't expect a parade or applause, but a simple thank you would be nice. I don't even expect a hand-written thank-you note (though I always write them), but again some sort of acknowledgement would be nice.

We do live in a very affluent area, but we are not rich. I am a SAHM, we are saving to buy a house, and we spend most of our disposable income on our children's education. Perhaps the teachers are accustomed to getting more expensive gifts and were disappointed with my gifts!? I am genuinely baffled, bemused befuddled, and if I'm honest, very hurt. Am I being too sensitive?

IME teachers, being human respond quite differently to the influx of gifts at the end of term. I remember one teacher being over the moon about receiving a dress, I kid you not, from one of the fathers who owned a clothes shop and it was exactly her style and fit. Next door the teacher was really appreciative on the face of it, but once parents were out of sight couldn't stop sighing at the effort of getting it to the car and what was she supposed to do with it all anyway. I think there were 7 gifts! Another male teacher just instantly distributed all his gifts to any takers after holding them up saying things like is this any good to anyone? The final teacher I worked with was incredibly gracious but who knows if he did same thing once he was off the premises (he was new so still had an element of decorum in front of staff who were also parents).
I personally still buy despite these experiences and unfortunately still put a lot of thought in, however I really don't believe it leads to any favouritism; at the end of the year or just before Xmas a lot of teachers just want to go home. A card is better.

Walter Mitty, Irish people also give teachers presents. And would be very unlikely to buy their child's teacher a pint (teacher equally unlikely to buy parents a pint in return for an end of term gift!).

Er, I know that. I'm Irish.

I was talking about thank you notes and the likes, not giving teachers presents.

Hahaha!

That reminded me of StewieGriffinsMom and "I am Canadian" when a poster asked her if she'd ever been to Canada!

LOL

I'm Irish and I have bought teachers wine. Does that count?

I was a teacher for a long time and I still work in education. I think gifts and completely unnecessary and inappropriate and should be banned, because in some schools it leads to a parental and teacher arms race, for providing a service that either the parents or the taxpayer has already funded. If you like what the school is doing, much better to make a donation to school funds or its endowment. A thoughtful card should be enough to say thank you.

PS The worst present I ever got was from a rather sour faced parent who caused us a lot of extra work and bother by being very demanding for the wrong reasons (PFB type of thing). She proudly presented each of us with a mug with a photo of her children on at the end of the school year. Her children were, ahem, less than photogenic being as sour faced as their mother, and the last thing we all wanted to be reminded of whilst having our cuppa during morning break was that particular family. We were also all surprised as we all thought she absolutely hated us.

Maybe that's why she did it.

Some of these posts seem a bit unfair! The value of gifts is going to be so variable in different areas. Is it really SO terrible to buy a £50 gift for a great headteacher, when you'd probably spend that quite happily on an item of clothing for example? I personally wouldn't (because I couldn't afford it!) but think it's just personal choice. Some people would clearly love that candle, some wouldn't- it's a gift, you hope someone will like it but you never know. I do still think if you are going to get gifts of that value you shouldn't expect an effusive thank you, any more than you'd get from a £1 gift, but OP said very clearly in the original post she wasn't expecting thank you cards. It's this whole 'how vulgar/ott to buy such expensive presents' attitude that gets me, I think it says more about the commenters than the OP, I would just be really pleased to receive a lovely gift (and if it was a gift I didn't actually like- such as the poster saying they can't stand manicures etc- well, I'd still really appreciate the thought).

Boffin she did hate you that's why she bought you the mug

BoffinMum - that's hilarious

I have had several pupils whose image I most definitely wouldn't want to be staring at on a daily basis!!

In a time where many mnetters are using food banks, this may not be well received.

This sums it up for me , having had to use a food bank a few days ago I wish I had the money to waste on this kind of shit to hand over to someone else. Instead I'm struggling to provide for my two children on my own while my new job messes me about with a start date. This kind of post annoys me

The value and nature of the gifts shouldn't have been the point really, but I think the OP made it that way, although my short experience of Mumsnet lets me know everyone would have hassled her until she explained what she'd bought. OP you're not unreasonable to expect acknowledgement for presents but if other parents have done similar that's a lot of people for teachers to catch up with and speak to afterwards.

I find this type of gift giving to teachers a bit strange and impersonal. I've loved the stories of handmade gifts and cards with messages from the child, these seem like genuine thanks. And if I wanted to thank a teacher I would seek them out and speak to them properly or at least write a note explaining why it's meant so much. A gift to the teacher that the child has had nothing to do with, doesn't or can't give to the teacher themselves and can't accept thanks for because it's 'not sufficient' doesn't seem to be sincerely about the child or the teacher but more about the parent, even if thought has gone into it.

In OP's defence, she shouldn't be expected to not post whatever she wants on the off chance that she's going to upset someone who doesn't have the same amount of money, surely!

I am a teacher. Your gifts are very OTT but you are right in saying that any teacher who received them should thank you if they see you. But they may not have opened them. If I get a bottle of 10 euro wine I'm delighted. You might want to think again about the gifts for when kids are in school especially if you get no thanks for them. I find people are dog rude anyway and appreciate nothing these days.

Dead right. I'm irish too. Handwritten notes my eye!

waltermitty
I dont understand the need to list the expensive items she bought, as a few pp's have said, would she be feeling as put out had she just bought a box of Malteasers? It comes across as a boast in my opinion, a bit "look what I can afford" and I'm sorry but I do find that cringey and unnecessary especially when most people would kill for that extra 50.00 that she can waste on a candle, to buy food or pay a bill. By all means spend that if you like but why come on here and list all the wonder expensive things you can afford to gift others when a simple "I didn't get a thanks for my gifts" would suffice.

Wonderful, not wonder.

YABU to spend that kind of money on a teacher when you don't even own your own home. For goodness sake stop showing off and just save up for your deposit.

YABU to spend that kind of money on a teacher when you don't even own your own home. For goodness sake stop showing off and just save up for your deposit.

^^ this

She is being stupid and OTT But her owning her own home or not is neither here nor there. That is an equally stupid way to think.

...and OTT but...

I'm a SAHM but the nursery teachers got a small Next perfume and a pack of biscuits for the helpers (and the obligatory child written cards.) When I was a child no one gave presents. I am constantly gobsmacked at some of the gifts. BTW I got a personal thank you off each of them at the "graduation"....maybe the teachers were embarrassed by the lavish gifts???? At this rate by the time she leaves school the gifts will have escalated to Ferraris ROFLMAO

.....my child leaving school not hers. Oh, hang on, they'll both leave at the same time. Scrap that