AIBU to expect a thank you for teacher gifts?

[katydid2]

Today is my son's last day at the nursery school where he has spent the past three years. Last week, I gave his teacher what I thought was a very generous thank you gift: a silver-plated picture frame, a voucher for a manicure and pedicure at an expensive spa near the school, and a heartfelt written note with a picture my son drew. I also gave the head teacher an expensive bottle of champagne and a Diptyque candle.

As it's my son's last year, I wanted to give the other teachers and teaching assistants a little gift as well, so I gave them each a goody bag filled with good chocolates, nice hand cream, and a card my son signed. I realised that my gifts were perhaps not the most original or exciting, but I wanted to give each teacher a little something.

Out of the 10 people to whom I gave gifts, two thanked me. The others, including my son's teacher and head teacher, have said not one single word. I don't expect a parade or applause, but a simple thank you would be nice. I don't even expect a hand-written thank-you note (though I always write them), but again some sort of acknowledgement would be nice.

We do live in a very affluent area, but we are not rich. I am a SAHM, we are saving to buy a house, and we spend most of our disposable income on our children's education. Perhaps the teachers are accustomed to getting more expensive gifts and were disappointed with my gifts!? I am genuinely baffled, bemused befuddled, and if I'm honest, very hurt. Am I being too sensitive?

I think if the teacher is surrounded by lots of other parents, it's difficult to say thank you to you, especially others haven't given them the gift.

I'm sure they thanked your son. YABU.

Lorelai I just assumed your kids went to some sort of farm school.

Bum licking because you bought your child's teacher a nice present... Riiiight ok.

I think someone is a little bit of a misery guts.

kayakinggirl86. Personally I'd be mortified if you'd felt the need to do that, the LAST thing I'd want you doing on your holiday would be writing thank you notes & popping into school for addresses! I'd feel so bad I'd made you feel you had to do something extra. It was MY thank you to our lovely teacher, no need for a thank you back! (I don't think you're our teacher though, but if you are I'll be chasing you up next term!).

ginghamstarfish

Yes, it's 'their job' and if I felt all she had done was 'her job' then I wouldn't have bothered with a gift as I did with a pretty awful teacher two years ago, who barely did her job (and was replaced). But when someone is very caring, easy to communicate with, always going the extra mile for both children & parents & is just generally a brilliant teacher & lovely person, why would I not want to thank them?

'Not allowed?' Seriously? Who do you think actually has the right to tell me how I can spend my money?

'Favouritism'. Hmm - end of year present - what's the teacher going to do, favour which past pupil she gives a fleeting though to over the holidays? 😁

katydid2. I really don't understand why you want a thank you, for your thank you. Do you then thank then for thanking you for your thank you? Where does it end? If they see you and aren't thinking about 50 billion other things then fine, but expecting them to make it a priority when they they're doing the job you're thanking them for doing so well (being very busy and making sure the children are ok and have everything they need etc) does make a bit of a mockery of the gift supposedly thanking them for a job well done.

I damn well hope our teacher is ENJOYING her time off, not giving one moments thought to school, pupils, parents or gifts, because I'm pretty damn sure she doesn't get to do that for the rest of the year!

You could not pay me enough to be a teacher these days. I am SO relieved I opted for another profession despite having wanted to be a teacher.💐 To all the GOOD teachers hanging in there.

Bloody hell posts like this make me feel even shitter about my heartfelt thank you to dds teachers. Couldn't afford a present or even a card. It was that or not having enough money to put on the electric meter this week. I felt awful but dd3s teacher pulled me to one side and said a simpleappreciative thank you meant more to them than all the gifts put together.

The ops gifts would have fed my family for a week.. sorry I know this isn't the point of the thread and yes a thank u would have been nice but still.

the lack of acknowledgement seems to hurt in proportion to the size of your gift.

This is a perceptive point, OP, and worth reflecting on.

If she's anything like ds's teachers in the past she might write a note and post it in the holidays.

and a big box of chicks

Very cheep cheep of you, Lorelei

My son got thanks from all his teachers and TAs who he gave gifts too. Id be shocked if they came and personally thanked me as the gift was from DS.

Id also not expect them to trawl round the playground thanking 30 different adults or spend the time writing 30 notes. It's their bloody holiday now, they've done a year of hard work.

Note to self: don't buy expensive gifts any more, and don't expect any sympathy from snarky mums-netters.

I wrote multiple times that I didn't expect a written note or pat on the back: just an acknowledgement.

As for the 'what do you expect, a thank you for saying thank you for saying thank you for saying thank you….' Give me a break. A one-time, two-second thank-you is simple good manners.

Clearly I am too sensitive.

Doggidy and Beauty - fnar, fnar! I'm actually thinking the chicks would have been far more impressive! Beat that, manicure-lady! I've got just under an hour to find a fatted calf....

I would say thank you when I was given the gift - so would have thanked either you or your DC, depending on who handed it over.

Though in any school I have ever worked in staff would not have been able to accept such expensive gifts - anything over a 'token' gift (box of choices/ordinary bottle of wine) would have to be declared or refused - not that I have ever been in that position!

I would prefer a chick over chocs for future reference.

What makes a candle worth £50? Are they really nice smells or something?

In other news, I'm setting up a shop that specialises in "thank you for the thank you" and "no, thank yoooou"

You werent bit OTT - you were completely OTT. Teachers don't expect gifts - you are giving something to say thank you to them if you do chose to. I made my sons teachers some cupcakes and that was it. Spa vouchers? Way over the top and not necessary.

I'd not relish this if I were a teacher.

And again, my mother, siblings, cousins and several close friends all are teachers. My mother, who has taught for more than 40 years, was shocked that no one said, 'thank you for the gift.'

katydid - did the teacher not say thank you when you handed them the gift? Did they just take it without any acknowledgement?

You went way, way over the top gift wise. Did they not say thank you when you handed them over ...if so nothing more needed.

Your gifts were way over the top, no idea why you would spend that much money but up to you I guess.

I'm a learning assistant and got about 5 gifts from a class of 18, the teacher got about 15, we thanked the child when the gift was presented to us. Our schools broke up 3 weeks ago, I couldn't tell you who gave me what and I very much doubt the teacher would be able to either. Sometimes it's not possible to catch the parent and thank them and where do you expect the "thanks" to end?

I would be embarrassed and confused by gifts of that monetary value. It's not appropriate.

I feel a little like you might be someone who gives gifts for a gushy thank you rather than for the person to receive. It's just how it comes across.