Vegan. Aibu to refuse to make separate meals for her?

[Busybusybust]

This is my son's gf. She's lovely, if a little intense, she has been veggie as long as I have known her (3/4 years). Don't have a problem with veggie (was brought up as one myself), but last year she became vegan, and is evangelical about it! I am a really good cook (sorry to brag, but it's relevant), and she expects me to cook a separate meal for her every meal. (Talking cooking for six over 6 days at Chrisrmas, two meals per day - so that's 12 separate meals!).

I cook everything from scratch, it's the way I am, but I find this extra stuff just too much, plus I not like cooking food which I find not to my taste. (Cashew nut macaroni cheese anyone!)

I'm 65, and have had two hip replacements, so find standing for long periods difficult. It does seem to me to be inhospitable to me not to make meals guests will enjoy, but I find it exhausting.

Why I am asking this now is that my brother is coming to stay, so I asked eldest to come up and see him, and unbeknownst to me he is on leave and gf will be staying, so she is coming too. It will be lovely to see her............... Except for the bloody food!

So AIBU to ask her to bring her own food?

Your son should cook her food as she is basically his guest. Unless your allergic you should eat the food provided by your host. I hate lamb but have eaten it on manyb occasssions when round friends houses. If you have a stance on something fair enough but don't expect anyone els to ru n round after you. I would be offering one meal per sitting/eating out some days she can leave tge stuff she doesn't like. If she was coeliac or had other health issues I would provide for her.

tell her where the local mcdonalds is.....met a vegan the other day, didnt believe in shampoo either by the look of her!

Just give her salad sandwiches with fake vegan butter. She'll soon stop expecting meals.

I'm struggling to understand why all of the blame falls to the vegan
The OP has chosen to cook two meals a day, from scratch, for six days for a large group of people in spite of her health problems. Why not ask for help or explain because of your health problems you're not up to it anymore? Why can't the meat eaters help her out in the kitchen or God forbid go a couple of meals without meat. I promise you it's not a big deal!

The OP has already said in a previous post that the vegan HAS offered to cook but the kitchen is too small for two people and she won't go without meat for a couple of meals. The vegan is damned if she does and damned if she doesn't so what's she supposed to do exactly?

The people suggesting she's served non-vegan food without her knowledge have my first ever

Exactly marblefox. This thread has just identified the OP as a prejudiced martyr and several other posters as small-minded, prejudiced, nasty individuals. Seriously disappointing.

Just ask that she brings some vegan ready meals for days that a vegan version of a meal can't be easily made. Then remind them both to bring any of her own special milk etc. Does she really expect you to be rustling up all that food, or nervous about chipping in and stepping on your toes thinking that you
adore feeding people. The reality is probably somewhere in the middle, you have always done it and that's become the way it is.

All easily solved with a pleasant conversation.

Just read the bit about her being willing to cook but you feel the kitchen is too small. Well you can't want them to both visit for days but not cook for her, what's the plan? All sit down to roast lamb, mash with butter and cream, meat gravy, veg roasted in dripping but she has to sit there and watch

We often all pile around my parents house as it is central and big enough for us all. Lunches are always simple, someone may make a vat of soup, or put jacket spuds in the oven but that is as complicated as it gets. We all take a turn cooking because weall like cooking and have our own specials but taking into account the two vegetarians.

Before my husband has cooked a milder meat chilli or curry because a couple of the kids and an adult are sensitive to hot spice. I make a hot lentil & chickpea chilli or dahl. The meat eaters can dig into the veggie as a side dish and spice up their own food. My brother cooked roast lamb, put aside some of the potatoes to be roasted without meat juices. Nut loaf puoled out of the freezer, heated up the wild mushroom and maderia I made earlier. Not wasted effort as i have been told the rest was fantastic added to a beef stew.

Wild mushroom and maderia gravy that was.

Marble I get your post and of course AFAIC I wouldn't dream of cooking with ingredients that a vegan wouldn't eat. However, I do take issue with you saying ... it's just a case of going without meat a couple of times. It's not just that is it? I can and do cook vegetarian but I imagine (and correct me if I'm wrong) I would have to rethink all the ingredients in my recipes, veggie or not. I just think that cooking for a vegan isn't just dropping meat out of the diet for a couple of days!

I hope I'm not one of those nasty prejudiced individuals Miles posts about ... but for some what is a way of life (being vegan) is a bit intimidating for others to cater for to be frank. I imagine every ingredient in anything I cook would be scrutinised. Hmmm maybe I am prejudiced having said that but it's unintentional.

My ILs have a complicated series of food preferences - some vegetable haters, two vegetarians (one of them me), one hater of any spice that isn't salt/black pepper... What we do when we get together for a week or so is that everyone takes a turn to cook a meal, but they have to cater for everyone's preferences. Doing it for one dinner is no big deal (actually, in some ways a fun cooking challenge!) and it means no-one feels excluded.

I should have mentioned dairy and eggs along with meat, you're right. It isn't that simple. You definitely have a point Rousette. I'm not vegan (I am vegetarian) but I do use less dairy/eggs in my cooking than most as I believe it's much healthier to keep these things to a minimum. My food is still tasty and flavourful and filling! People imagine veggies abd vegans eat nothing but salad but it's really not the case, perhaps this is a good opportunity for you to be pleasantly surprised and informed?
Apologies if I came across as hostile but it's frustrating to read some of the posts in this thread. I still think that EVERYONE should be doing more to help you not just the vegan but it wouldn't be unreasonable of you to expect her to buy her own vegan ingredients.

That would be my preferred solution too, notinagreatplace. Everyone should take a turn to cook, and the op said she would do this at Christmas.

Roussette I certainly didn't mean you, turned out we agree on most things - we just have different levels of experience in catering for vegans I think!

Some of the references to "wallies", being smelly and other silly things were more the posts I was thinking of...

I'd cook a couple of vegan meals such as a curry some days
Do a meat Meat n veg meal and give her vegan sausages at that meal
Then get people to muck in another meal
Then do a buffet one day - easy cheeses for some hummus etc for others

Your really over thinking things. Keep it simple. I am vegN. Linda McCartney vegan sausages (tesco Iceland asda etc) bit of mash potatoes with soya milk (or mashed dry) and some lovely veggies.... r meat free mince spaghetti bolognese? Meat free mince shepherds pie? Roasted garlic vegetable pasta?

Meat free mince (tesco version is vegan) chilli con carne with rice

Miles we're on the same page yes, and you're right I have little experience of catering for vegans!

A buffet sounds a good idea!

Roussette I'm in !

YABU and very unkind and disrespectful