Vegan. Aibu to refuse to make separate meals for her?

[Busybusybust]

This is my son's gf. She's lovely, if a little intense, she has been veggie as long as I have known her (3/4 years). Don't have a problem with veggie (was brought up as one myself), but last year she became vegan, and is evangelical about it! I am a really good cook (sorry to brag, but it's relevant), and she expects me to cook a separate meal for her every meal. (Talking cooking for six over 6 days at Chrisrmas, two meals per day - so that's 12 separate meals!).

I cook everything from scratch, it's the way I am, but I find this extra stuff just too much, plus I not like cooking food which I find not to my taste. (Cashew nut macaroni cheese anyone!)

I'm 65, and have had two hip replacements, so find standing for long periods difficult. It does seem to me to be inhospitable to me not to make meals guests will enjoy, but I find it exhausting.

Why I am asking this now is that my brother is coming to stay, so I asked eldest to come up and see him, and unbeknownst to me he is on leave and gf will be staying, so she is coming too. It will be lovely to see her............... Except for the bloody food!

So AIBU to ask her to bring her own food?

Am veggie but was vegan for long time.

I just dont see why you dont have a conversation with person in question. I was always fine with veg would but would have been nice to have some gravy that didn't have meat juice mixed in. Also happy/expected to buy some vegan frozen food, its sooooooooooo easy.

Only comment: some people were actually offended you would offer to buy/bring frozen food. People who cook from scratch can be very temperamental about their food.

I'd cook some meals that are suitable for everyone - so vegan, tasty and you all eat the same.

Then, start from a common base and add things, so the veggies and omnivores have additional items. I think this is the key - plan meals from the common elements up. Don't start with ideas about a meat dish then think 'what alternative can I create for the vegan'.

I find people who are good cooks and interested in cooking are usually quite interested in a new challenge like this.

If cooking many meals over many days is too much for you (why not do cold lunches, or soup?), then involve other family members in helping, or leading on a meal each.

Your son is also host to his gf so is surely the person you'd turn to with any expectations that someone other than you should cook for the gf.

Sometimes it's easy to do something that is easy to adapt.

Last night I had meatballs in a tomato and pepper sauce baked with cheese on top, I actually thought it could easily be redone as vegi or vegan.

Going to put the recipe just so you can see how easy it would be to adapot.

OK so I cheated at the meatballs and used Cumberland sausage taken out of it's skin and rolled in to balls.

For the sauce

1 onion, 1 clove of garlic, one yellow pepper - all blitzed together in a blender.

Add a pack of passata - you now have a vegan sauce - put a small amount in an individual dish, add something to make it interesting - vegan dumplings, new potatoes, asparagus and pop in the oven (optional topping with breadcrumbs or crumbled up crisps)

Put the rest in a larger dish, add meatballs, top with cheese - put in the oven for 20-30 mins.

Nope I wouldn't be cooking for vegan wallies, pain in the arse

ODFOD

Nope... I have Coeliac disease and my son is allergic to nuts. I accept that we are total nightmares to invite to social occasions and when we are asked I always let the hosts know this and that I am more than happy to bring stuff that he and I can eat, and the rat of my family is fine with whatever else they're planning. Most people are relieved and either discuss at length what options are good for everyone or let me provide for my son and I. She should accept that she should sort herself out. It's not just a pain in the backside for you, it's also ridiculously expensive catering for someone like this.

Rest... Not rat. My family are not vermin!

Sounds like she's been around long enough to count as family. To me family are not guests and pitch in. No harm in asking her and your son to cook a couple of meals or at least help with the prep.

A practical question. Asking her and your son to bring food, especially for a six day stay, may be very tricky practically, for them to pack and transport, depending how far and how they're travelling.

How would you feel about someone else cooking in your kitchen? For two meals a day for six days, while you're also cooking?

Thing is, if you want someone to self-cater, you need to provide self-catering facilities. Then there's co-ordinating times so everything's ready at once, there's space in the oven or on the hob at the right point etc. all while working alongside someone who doesn't know their way around your kitchen, does things differently, asks lots of questions etc.

Mightn't it be easier to cook everything yourself?

I was a vegan for a long time and would generally offer to bring a main dish. Some people would accept, or with friends we sometimes did 'each couple brings a course'. Good but bemused cooks sometimes asked for recipes, as they'd rather cook themselves. Good and adventurous cooks relished the challenge.

I wouldn't have 'expected' to be catered for by anyone except paid caterers (and they got it wrong a lot of the time). I wonder, if you talked to the gf, whether you'd find her expectations are rather different? Perhaps she thinks you are a scary goddess of the kitchen, who would hate to have anyone interfering in your meal plans and cooking?

The only way she could 'expect' is if she's totally clueless about cooking and how much effort it is (won't last as a vegan in that case), or there's some other tension in your relationship.

it's also ridiculously expensive catering for someone like this.

Unless OP is living in an area with rubbish shops, includes macadamia nuts in everything or decides to stock up on luxuries like expensive vegan icecream, the cost of catering for a vegan is frequently significantly cheaper than buying meat - beans and lentils don't exactly cost a fortune!

Thanks all for your suggestions. Yes, she is prepared to cook, but my kitchen is tiny, so it would have to be a meal for the whole family - most of whom are total meaties!

She did say once how disappointed she was when she went to a dinner with about eight couples, the host was a chef and she was looking forward to a gourmet vegan meal - and she got something frozen from a supermarket!

I agree that being prepared is the key with main dishes, but eg mashed potato - is there anyone in the world who doesn't put milk and butter in? So,I have to take some out and mix it with soya milk! Mashed swede and carrot - the essential ingredient...... Loads of butter. So I take some out and mix it with vegan spread! It's just such and pain - and I hate myself for thinking this way!

Lunches are easier, soups with veggie stock pre-made Falafels, lentil wedges, fried tofu and salad.

Oh, well, I shall just have to suck it up. But I will make life easier for myself by pre-preparing all that I can. Also will ask her to bring her milk, etc. It's only for a couple of days this time.

Christmas will be longer, but I'm going to ask them all to cook one meal - send me a list of ingredients, which I will get. I rather think they will all enjoy that! And as they stay for a week, it will give me a break,

she was looking forward to a gourmet vegan meal - and she got something frozen from a supermarket!

The way you describe her on here makes her sound incredibly self-centred (though I have to say I'd also be if a professional chef served up a frozen supermarket dinner). Is she really as bad as you make out or do you just find her veganism annoying?

Not the point I know but mashed swede (also mashed cauliflower) taste great with a bit of olive oil rather than butter. Maybe try it and see if you like it? As for mashed potato, would it be possible to add some baked potatoes so she can eat that instead.

I must admit, it does sound as though she likes being entertained and fed but I wonder does she entertain? Perhaps she'd develop a new appreciation of all the work involved when cooking for groups of people and then having to make special separate dishes for individuals on top of that. Not that she likely has to do that, I assume she would just cook vegan food for everyone.

Sorry I think you are being unreasonable to say mixing potatoes with soya milk is hard especially as I am sure the guest would happily do it for you.

But more importantly you dont even have to mash the potatoes. Vegans would not be upset at having unmashed potatoes. Or make ALL the mashed potatoes with soya milk and an olive spread, its exactly the same.

When I was young butter was added separately at the table according to individual tastes.

www.veganwomble.co.uk/wordpress/?p=86
a huge list of stuff from Asda that is inadvertantly vegan

If it's so difficult for you to separate a portion of veg out before adding butter perhaps you could ask her to do that bit herself? I would be a bit cross if a chef invited me to dinner and gave me a ready meal, wouldn't you?

also theveganwomble.blogspot.co.uk/2015/04/morrisons-vegan-products.html

Yanbu but apart the whole food cooking due to your health issues. Cant everyone in the family have a day in the week cooking to share the burden. Is she living with you?

About not apart

just tell them in advance that your hips playing up with all the standing and tell your son that he is in charge of cooking all the vegan meals. It's a great life skill for him to develop

it's rather hilarious how people are posting meal ideas instead of coming up with realsolutions. The op is struggling with her hip yet everyones throwing easy vegan meal ideas at her

Not hilarious but then I haven't got a warped soh

Because that's what she was moaning about

Christmas will be longer, but I'm going to ask them all to cook one meal - send me a list of ingredients, which I will get. I rather think they will all enjoy that! And as they stay for a week, it will give me a break

Sounds like an excellent plan!

Or make ALL the mashed potatoes with soya milk and an olive spread, its exactly the same.

Umm, no it really is not. I'm lactose intolerant and tried soya milk in mash, once (before lactofree was launched, so all that was available was nasty UHT Lactolite, which wasn't nice enough to use generally). It was shit.