Husbands secret stash

[pitsandpeaks]

I don't know if I should laugh, scream or roll my eyes....

Few months ago I found a huge stash of socks under mine and DHs bed, thought I'd finally solved the weird odd sock problem I seem to have. A month later and it was back but this time I noticed the socks were crisp and solid at the end, didn't take me long to figure out Dh has obviously been using these.......you get the picture anyway I mentioned to him that I'd found them and I wasn't happy to be cleaning up after him in general but that this was taking it to another level and thought that would be the last of it.

It's not-there is always some there and I've had to scream at him about it recently, I'm not comfortable with ignoring it because they are under the bed we both sleep on and it's just really unsanitary, today I've come home and there is a used condom in its wrapper and 3 socks nearby.

I'm aware it's perfectly healthy and normal to masterbate, but surely cleaning up after yourself is part and parcel of this? I feel like this is a problem moms with teenagers have to deal with not their husbands, but maybe I'm just being unreasonable and I should just bin/ put in wash and move on with the next gazillion household chores I seem to be lumbered with? I have fury right now but maybe it's misplaced.

I really wanted to title this secret spunky sock stash but I chickened out!

That cat story is one of the funniest things I have read, I am crying with laughter!!! I was feeling a bit down tonight but this thread has made my evening.

You could build him a shed. No need to talk about it, just leave a stash of porn, primark socks and a bin. He'll know what to do. Maybe a deck chair for comfort

Is his name Spunkticus

Spunkticus
^ I'm dead.
Tears of laughter,
After condom cat that just tipped me over the edge into hysteria!

He needs these Op😄

I never thought I'd feel so proud of my DH for wanking on to his belly then cleaning himself up with tissues and disposing said tissues in to the bathroom bin. like normal men

Clearly I have found myself a Grade A catch!!

It's almost worth buying the Daily Mail tomorrow. They're going to have an absolute field day!

PaintedDrivesAndPolishedGrass

Excellent find!!

Well, that's his Xmas 'stocking' sorted www.amazon.co.uk/Joules-Eat-Feet-Character-Socks/dp/B01AL8T0S8/ref=sr_1_9?ie=UTF8&qid=1469138163&sr=8-9&keywords=shark+socks

How about some personalised socks?

www.bagsoflove.co.uk/personalised-socks.aspx?gclid=CJCYnezGhc4CFU46GwodguwA7A

You could have them printed with a helpful message (such as 'fuck off with the sock wanks, you dirty bastard'), or a nice picture of his mum.

semi normals cat looking rather bewankered

You can buy itching powder on Amazon for under £1.50.

Maybe he just cares for the environment so prefers reusable cloth receptacles rather than using up tissues (dead trees and landfill)

Or maybe he's like that norwegian(?) girl who collects used condoms and keeps them on her wall, except for him it's spunk socks and the bed? He could set up a museum and label each sock with its particular wank memory.

As for animals and condoms I had a dog who'd eat my stepdad's and I was always left having to pull it out her bum. I was raging as my mum would never admit it was theirs and I thought it was really manky that they left it lying around for the puppy to eat.

Feeling a bit gloomy this evening and this thread has really cheered me up, especially the cat that ate the condom.

Latenight Mumsnet Gold as per.

If you ever DO LTB at any point. I would outline it in your Grounds For Divorce - Unreasonable Behaviour statement.

Unless he is physically incapable of cleaning this up, he is rank, and Mummy obviously used to do it for him without commenting.

PortiaCastis OMFG that picture!! - thankfully it wasn't inflated, it was however covered in shit and looked even mankier than a regular used condom (No, I didn't think it was possible either). Thank fuck that I didn't have anyone in the house at the time!!

Euw.

Ha at least your cat wasn't windy. I donate the pic to you semi for making us laugh.

You really have to drop sock puns into every.single.conversation you have with your inlaws and friends, in front of him. If it's nothing to be ashamed of, then he shouldn't have a problem with it. Nearly wrote want instead of wink, there. Mind like the gutter.

Ewww I was just eating a turkey sandwich feel sick now

Choking the turkey then?

Sorry for missing the point entirely, but how do you use both a sock AND a condom? I can use one, and the other, but how can you make a mess in both?
I hope someone can answer me!

Op, yanbu, whatever dp does in his own time is his own business but I would be disgusted, and indeed disCusted to have to clear up his jizz.

Rose

Why does your DH scratch his arse with toilet paper? Does he do it in bed? And why put the paper in the drawer? What does he keep it for?

Why not just have a shower and get his bum clean, then it wouldn't itch.

I think - and this is meant truly as a compliment - that is the weirdest (but believable) thing I have ever read on MN :)

Kudos!

When I first read the post I thought for a minute the OP meant her husband kept a stash of unwashed socks under the bed to WEAR not WANK into. I thought he was trying to save her washing or something. I am clearly far too innocent. Do married men really still wank into socks?