To think that this is just normal life and DH should stop complaining?

[ironrooster]

DH is very bitter that he doesn't get to relax all evening. He works full time and gets home about 5:30. I work part time and am home with DD5 after school.

The routine that we have is that I make tea every day and he washes up. He tends not to wash up straight after tea as DD wants to play before bed so it gets left until later.

We take turns in putting DD to bed alternate nights and bedtime is usually fraught - she won't go to sleep unless we sit in the room which is usually 30 mins or so.

DH also does his ironing in the evening and makes his lunch for the next day. He doesn't do any other housework as I get it done during the day. I don't have much stuff to do after DD is in bed so am less busy than him - usually have a shower or watch TV.

He feels that all these things take up his whole evening and he never gets to relax.
I think that a) they don't actually take him the whole evening (he forgets the time spent inbetween watching eastenders, or looking at his phone for 15 mins here and there) and b) it's just normal family life putting kids to bed and doing a few chores.

He goes out once or twice a week but apparently that doesn't count as he's not say at home relaxing

AIBU to feel really irritated by him?

If he cba ironing 5 shirts on a Sunday couldn't he at least do two at a time a couple of nights a week, meaning he's not ironing every single night? It sounds like he prefers moaning to actually doing anything constructive.

I wish I could iron five shirts in 20 minutes
My ironing board is almost always up so it takes no longer to iron one shirt five times a week than five shirts once a week.
However, YANBU. Your time from waking up to 5.30 seems fairly equal. So just write out two lists - one of all the things you do from 5.30 and the other of all the things he does from 5.30. If they're fairly equal he has nothing to complain about and if yours is longer than his then suggest he takes a few extra chores on to make it equal.

TBH it sounds as if this is about so much more than division of labour between you. Why are you doing everything separately and keeping score on who is doing the most.
I think your DH is being very unreasonable and doesn't appreciate what you do when he is not at home but you have both turned the care of your DD into a chore rather than a pleasure. How can her desire to play prevent a few dishes from being washed up? Sorting out the bedtime routine will help.
You need to talk to each other about why all the resentment is building up. Have time to yourself to go out and have fun. Put her in after school club one day a week which she will enjoy and your DH can collect her on the way home giving you a bit of extra time.
It just sounds like you both need a bit of perspective.

My DH gets in at 7 at the earliest. Bedtime for kids takes up at least the next hour and yes there isn't a huge amount of evening after eating and tidying but yes that is life with kids.

If he is getting 2 nights out a week he is a lucky man.

Having small children means your evenings are busy...but one day they will be older and won't want you involved in their bedtime routine so just try to think of it fondly !

Navyandwhite you did read part time. I guess it depends on what part time means. How many hours.

Doesn't sound like either of you have much to do, if you're at home every day doing housework surely you could do the shirts on one of the days. It would take 30 minutes.

I say that as you get home at lunch time. That's loads of time to get everything done.

My heavens, you have a saint there! He makes his own sandwiches, does his own ironing, puts child to bed. You don't know you are born!

And your DH sounds ridiculous complaining about what he does as he gets in at 5.30. Sorry.

I work till 2.30. My DP gets home after 6. I do everything except getting washing in and he helps put the children to bed. Seems fair as I work part time I'm less tired. Sometimes he helps with washing up / tidying up, but hardly ever. More if I'm fed up and need a break.

Your routine sounds similar to my and my dp doesn't seem to mind. He gets home between 6-7. I give dd her tea then he will do her bath while I do washing up. Then one of us will start putting her to bed and the other comes up towards the end of a story. This is around 7.30. DP irons his work stuff on a Sunday but not a full week's worth so may do a bit later in the week. He then makes his lunch either before he has a chill out or the next morning. When I was at work he did mine too and dd's when she's at preschool. Then I might put away the washing and have a tidy and he will help a bit. We are both usually ready to sit down and watch to/play computer etc by 8.30.

"Has he been a grown up for very long? He doesn't seem used to it."

^ This. TheUnsullied wins.

I find men want prizes for all of their domestic endeavours. Suggest a sticker chart. Maybe turn it into a race - I bet you can't make your sandwiches in the break in Coronation Street! I bet you can't iron a shirt before Silent Witness starts!

Yes. Manchild.

Why are you people keeping score? Surely as long as the jobs get done it doesnt actually matter who does them? Just saying

I have never knowingly ironed a man's shirt.
You know, I think my non live-in lovair does more round my house than your hubby mums the word
Sometimes he rocks up from a late shift at half nine and we have a late dinner together, but he always washes up! He also makes me a full breakfast whenever he stays, and he does stuff with drills. I think i might keep him. Especially after reading this thread..

Definitely keep him IfNotNow

I bet he can find solutions to similar "problems" at work.

I bet he doesn't say CBA there, either.

Surely as long as the jobs get done it doesn't actually matter who does them

Eh? Becuase in partnerships like the OP's (and a fair few others on MN), this would mean that she ends up doing everything, instead of just most of it, while he sits on his arse. People like her dp rely on the good nature of those around them not keeping score, to take advantage. Not fair.

No she gets home 1 hour before school pick up. Having not had a lunch break.

My DP irons his own shirts I should have said as I don't have time for that as well as everything else. I also have after school activities to take the DC to twice a week from which we don't get home till 6.30-7 and if he wanted to take a packed lunch he'd need to make it. It would be nice if DP made our dinner those nights, but he doesn't so I have to try and be organised!

He would still have to wash up, iron and get his food ready if he lived alone so I don't get why he's moaning. Yeah I get fed up of cooking for myself 365 days a year and doing all the cleaning and house shit but that's adulting (I think?)

I don't think you at being unreasonable at all. Getting home at 5.30 really isn't bad! If he's ironing a shirt and making lunch he could have that done by 6 surely? Which gives 4 hours til bed time (for me!) And yes then he has to wash up (after you've cooked) and sometimes put DD to bed- that's just being a normal parent- still leaves best part of 3 hours free! Presuming all the other jobs- cleaning toilets, hoovering, washing kitchen floor, changing beds etc etc- are being done by you when you get home a bit early? Which I think is fair, but he definitely doesn't have reason to complain! A bit of ironing, making a sandwich and washing up is not back breaking work!

Why doesn't he buy non-iron shirts?

If you hang them up straight after washing, non-iron shirts do not need ironing.

Just takes a bit of straightening on the hanger and let them dry straight.

He prob doesn't realise that after your PT job you're still doing chores, so effectively working whilst he is also working. So, you both work all day but then you seem to finish first which why he's peeved - perhaps he's just slow. Get an ironing lady/man.