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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that this is just normal life and DH should stop complaining?

202 replies

ironrooster · 18/07/2016 20:29

DH is very bitter that he doesn't get to relax all evening. He works full time and gets home about 5:30. I work part time and am home with DD5 after school.

The routine that we have is that I make tea every day and he washes up. He tends not to wash up straight after tea as DD wants to play before bed so it gets left until later.

We take turns in putting DD to bed alternate nights and bedtime is usually fraught - she won't go to sleep unless we sit in the room which is usually 30 mins or so.

DH also does his ironing in the evening and makes his lunch for the next day. He doesn't do any other housework as I get it done during the day. I don't have much stuff to do after DD is in bed so am less busy than him - usually have a shower or watch TV.

He feels that all these things take up his whole evening and he never gets to relax.
I think that a) they don't actually take him the whole evening (he forgets the time spent inbetween watching eastenders, or looking at his phone for 15 mins here and there) and b) it's just normal family life putting kids to bed and doing a few chores.

He goes out once or twice a week but apparently that doesn't count as he's not say at home relaxing Hmm

AIBU to feel really irritated by him?

OP posts:
swelchphr · 19/07/2016 18:26

YANBU

hastheworldgonemad · 19/07/2016 18:29

Only read the op but he's a bloody knob.

If my dh left work st 5.30 he and I would go down on our knees in ecstasy.

He has one child. What a bloody moaner. Feel sorry for you op.

WorldsBiggestGrotbag · 19/07/2016 18:33

YANBU. That's life.

I would do his ironing when I ironed my and the dc's clothes, that would give him extra time.

My poor, hard done by DH works full time and does his and the DC's ironing (and mine sometimes!). It's not the 1950's.

Newbrummie · 19/07/2016 18:33

Gee i'm glad i'm single.

AldrinJustice · 19/07/2016 18:35

YANBU...he seems very lazy and not willing to get stuck in. Bit of a princess (or prince) mentality?

C8H10N4O2 · 19/07/2016 18:37

Julietn1 possibly because the OP doesn't live in Stepford? Seriously how is she not working 'full time' - she works part time paid around school hours then does all the household chores and management except for the dinnertime washing up. She is doing the bulk of the childcare/homework except for alternating bed times. All he has to do is iron his shirts and make is own lunch. For someone getting home at 5.30? What century are we living in that non paid work is considered 'not work'? And why is it ok to expect her to do these minimal tasks just because she is more efficient in getting her own done?

Janey50 · 19/07/2016 18:39

2 nights out a week? Home by 5.30pm? Doesn't sound like he has much to complain about IMO. When still married to my ex-h,he was out of the house by 7.20am 6 days a week to be at work by 8am,was never home before 6pm, except on Wednesday and Saturday when he did half-day and got home at about quarter to 2. As for nights out,we were lucky to get one a fortnight.

JudyCoolibar · 19/07/2016 18:41

You could make yourself a packed lunch to eat when you get home thus saving time.

How would it save time? She has lunch when she gets home, what would be the point of a packed lunch? It wouldn't save her any time.

If he wants to iron his own shirts suggest he does 5 on a Sunday.

RTFT. She has, he said he couldn't be arsed.

Maybebabybee · 19/07/2016 18:42

burning my mum got rid of a useless bloke at 50, you are not too old!!!

jelliebelly · 19/07/2016 18:48

YANBU in that family life eats into evenings! I am jealous at you not having to do stuff in the evenings. My dcs are 10 and 7 and both dh and I seem to spend our evenings helping with/supervising homework or taking to sport fixtures/training, catching up with household admin/work, it's gone 9pm before either of us sits down usually. (I am watching ds play cricket as we speak).

mrsvilliers · 19/07/2016 18:59

No. In fact I would be taking issue with the alternate bedtimes as well given you do all school drop and pickups and homework bet dh is really glad he got me Ironing shirts and making sandwiches shouldn't take that long.

I sympathise with the 30 minutes sitting beside dd though. We had the same issue here and I didn't think it made that much difference until we stopped. It was AMAZING the amount of time we suddenly had.

Goingtobeawesome · 19/07/2016 19:11

Burning - make today the last time he expire treats you like shit again.

I've been a SAHM for 16 years. Fuck. DH got in half an hour ago. He put dinner together (cold) and then put the clean laundry I'd washed, padded out and folded into the right person piles when I asked him too. He'll bring me drinks all night, any other food I want, will sort out the animals and is going to take photos of clothes I want to try and sell once he's done child care stuff.

Don't let these men make you feel like they are in charge.

londonmummy1966 · 19/07/2016 19:15

Can't he do all his ironing whilst watching Eastenders - that can't be too much multitasking even for a bloke can it?

DailyFailAteMyFish · 19/07/2016 19:26

Buy a dishwasher.
One by one replace his shirts with non iron shirts: "Happy birthday, I have bought you 2 lovely shirts".
Ta-dah
Mind you some people just whine. He may just find a new thing to whine about. If so, LTB but make sure you get the dishwasher in the divorce.

FeliciaJollygoodfellow · 19/07/2016 19:50

DH is a SAHD and I work full time. After dinner and bed (8pm for three boys) we have 3-4 hours. We regularly watch telly, play Xbox, read etc.

We get stuff done but we have loads of down time. Maybe our standards are lower.

(YANBU by the way, he's being a fucking idiot).

whois · 19/07/2016 19:59

Everything C8H10N4O2 said. A million times over.

BabooshkaKate · 19/07/2016 20:02

Hmm at these helpful suggestions for DP to get out of basic chores. Send out the ironing, get s dishwasher and buy lunch from Pret at work. Suddenly DP has no chores and 2 days off whilst OP is doing the school run, childcare and housework and cooking. And he sits around on his arse.

If anything OP he should be doing more. Christ on a bike.

GetAHaircutCarl · 19/07/2016 20:04

The bloke is back by 5.30pm.

That's virtually part time Grin.

leccybill · 19/07/2016 20:14

This is mine:
5pm Get home
6pm Cook and eat dinner
7pm Play with DD
8pm Put DD to bed
8.15pm until 11ish Mark books and plan lessons
11.30 Quickly make packed lunches

DH does washing up and ironing- takes 1/2 hour maybe.

Your DH doesn't know he's born! Where does he go out btw?

IfNotNowThenWhenever · 19/07/2016 20:19

Only got to page 2 but...I feel like I have wandered into a parallel universe...So many posters saying aw, you could do a shirt for him, and couldn't you make his lunch? Wtf??!!
Let me get this straight. Husband comes home at a nice early hour. Never cooks. Does no housework. He gets fed, then washes the dishes. Every other night he gets a 5 year old ready for bed. He irons a few shirts. Er...that's it.
And somehow this is a giant burden and OP should help him out?
Because she finishes work earlier?
I'm assuming op goes straight from work to school, does all the after school stuff (mine had homework at 5 ) cleans, does whatever housework needs doing, laundry, preps and cooks dinner, does her ironing and lunches, puts dd to bed every other night.
I'm sorry but OP doesn't need to help her husband. If he lived alone he would have to do cooking AND dishes, AND all the other housework, as well as the ironing. He has tons of time. I'm a lone parent and I do the lot, and still have plenty of time to do stuff/do nowt.
Off to read the thread to see if the Bodysnatchers have won. ..

Marysunshine · 19/07/2016 20:27

buy a dishwasher
Iron while watching TV
Reduce evenings out to 1 a week

ILoveMyMonkeys1404 · 19/07/2016 20:27

I had the same with my partner he work til 5:30 would come home have a coffee and his tea possibly have a nap!! (This drove me mad as i was pregnant at the time), help put 2 children to bed, then go to the gym for 2 hours. I understood he worked and i stayed at home but I did everything, from cooking all 3 of his meals a day, all of the washing. It was only was i became unable to do all of these things that he realised how much i was doing and just how hard it really is. I would sit him down and tell him that he is lucky to get his two nights a week. Unfortunately this is the real world and if you have children then your life does become more stressful.!

ILoveMyMonkeys1404 · 19/07/2016 20:29

Obviously when i couldn't do it all he had to so them all!! Very quick reality check!

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 19/07/2016 20:32

Did.The.Fuck.Dums.

IfNotNowThenWhenever · 19/07/2016 20:40

Oh, ok not all Stepford wives then, phew!
I am also wondering (along with someone up thread ) what you all do for jobs that you and or husbands don't get home til after 7! Shock are you all London types? Most people I know work either roughly 8-4 (trades or office based ) or they work freelance/contracting which I guess can mean long hours, but not all the time. Just nosy!