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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that this is just normal life and DH should stop complaining?

202 replies

ironrooster · 18/07/2016 20:29

DH is very bitter that he doesn't get to relax all evening. He works full time and gets home about 5:30. I work part time and am home with DD5 after school.

The routine that we have is that I make tea every day and he washes up. He tends not to wash up straight after tea as DD wants to play before bed so it gets left until later.

We take turns in putting DD to bed alternate nights and bedtime is usually fraught - she won't go to sleep unless we sit in the room which is usually 30 mins or so.

DH also does his ironing in the evening and makes his lunch for the next day. He doesn't do any other housework as I get it done during the day. I don't have much stuff to do after DD is in bed so am less busy than him - usually have a shower or watch TV.

He feels that all these things take up his whole evening and he never gets to relax.
I think that a) they don't actually take him the whole evening (he forgets the time spent inbetween watching eastenders, or looking at his phone for 15 mins here and there) and b) it's just normal family life putting kids to bed and doing a few chores.

He goes out once or twice a week but apparently that doesn't count as he's not say at home relaxing Hmm

AIBU to feel really irritated by him?

OP posts:
HermioneJeanGranger · 18/07/2016 20:44

YANBU. It's not your fault he's disorganised.

Why does he iron every night? And why is he moaning about making packed lunch? I take lunch to work and it takes 5 minutes to make a sandwich, grab some fruit/veg and some crisps from the cupboard and shove it in a bag.

Sounds like he just likes to complain!

Original poster
ironrooster · 18/07/2016 20:45

No, I did say that! It just fits around school hours luckily.

OP posts:
NavyandWhite · 18/07/2016 20:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BackforGood · 18/07/2016 20:48

What kf you look at it from the lther way round - are you both getting equal time to relax?
If I've read it right, because you finish work earlier, you get to do your 'jobs' while he is still at work, and then he gets to do 'his jobs' whilst you relax?
In which case - he's got a point.

I mean, in our house we rarely iron, but if either of us does some, they do whatever is in the basket, not pick out their own items.

NickiFury · 18/07/2016 20:48

Get a dishwasher so no one has to wash up. I am not being flippant either, getting one improved my life immeasurably. I wouldn't iron a shirt for him though, I despise ironing shirts.

To be honest though, I don't really understand why everything is taking you both so long. I am a lone parent of two and do it all myself, if I get myself in gear I am done and sat down for 8 pm if I want to be. My kids are older admittedly but was always like this right from when they were small.

NickiFury · 18/07/2016 20:49

Also do you do a packed lunch for your dd? Would it be so hard to sort one out for him really?

gottachangethename1 · 18/07/2016 20:50

Couldn't you take turns to do the bedtime routine with your dc, one does bedtime, while the other irons a shirt and vice versa. In addition, dc gets the chance to get a bit of 1-2-1 time with each of you.

Believeitornot · 18/07/2016 20:51

He's just moaning.

He goes out twice a week?!
Pisses about in front of the tv and on his phone?

What exactly is he after?

Marmalade85 · 18/07/2016 20:52

I would love to get in at 17.30 . Me and DP manage 7pm earliest every night and have a 7m old.

WanderingTrolley1 · 18/07/2016 20:52

Him going out once/twice a week tipped me into yanbu territory.

Lucked · 18/07/2016 20:54

Actually all he is doing is dishes, ironing his own clothes and making his lunches. We both work full time and dh does almost all of the cooking, sorts the dishes, tidies the kitchen (after a fashion) and he also does his own ironing. I do laundry and housework.

We have two dc 4 and 2. We mostly feed, bathe and play with them together (need to see them after working all day) And we alternate which one we put to bed. Dh then goes makes our dinner.

We both listen to podcasts or watch stuff on iPads whilst getting on with stuff.

lottiegarbanzo · 18/07/2016 20:56

He can't be ironing every night? That would be madly inefficient. Once a week, surely?

Making lunch is 10 mins.

What time it dd asleep, 8pm, 8.30pm? So you're both free from then on?

I can see that if you're cooking before he's in, or he's entertaining dd while you do it, then he does pre-bedtime playing with dd and washing up after she's in bed every night, both while you're free, that's more time out of his evening than yours. Perhaps he's not free until 9pm. Fairness is key.

But really, all very normal and humdrum. Life, innit.

What if you had another - or two other - dcs? You'd both be flat out until everyone was asleep and then some.

Sounds to me (by the wisdom of remote inference) that he's a faffer, who takes far too long doing mundane things, flits between tasks so nothing's ever finished quickly and could organise his time far better -to have long enough to watch a film, read books, study... whatever - each evening, were he motivated to do so. Thereby, YANBU.

BalloonSlayer · 18/07/2016 20:58

You have an hour child-free time at home, which he doesn't.

I suppose it makes sense for him to do his own ironing, but it seems a bit cold. Do you never iron each other's stuff?

He could buy a packed lunch I suppose.

It all makes slightly sad reading to me. You've done your jobs in the 2.5 hours you had before he gets home and now he's got to do his while you sit down . . . ?

I have no sympathy re the lunch though, I'd hate anyone else to make my lunch for me - I want what I fancy on that day!

hotdiggedy · 18/07/2016 21:06

Wash up straight away then play for a bit? Take leftovers rather than making something new for his dinner every day ( I would hate to have to make any kind of packed lunch on a daily basis). Ironing every night??? Why? Perhaps make it that one person washes up and the other does the bed time stuff?

MaddyHatter · 18/07/2016 21:08

Surely you should be aiming to sit down at the same time?

In that 30 mins one of you has to sit in DD's bedroom, couldn't the other be doing the lunches, washing up and ironing?

fiorentina · 18/07/2016 21:09

Christ he's got to get real. I work full time and share housework with DH, but still we do washing, cleaning up, water the garden, do life admin etc and then sit down. That's normal life. And I don't get in until 7pm each night not 5.30!

NotYoda · 18/07/2016 21:12

He gets home at 5.30??? That's unheard of in our house

He doesn't have to iron. At all, let alone every day

He's not being unreasonable to be a bit fed up with the routine of it. It is a bit relentless having small children

PhoebeGeebee · 18/07/2016 21:12

Of the three things he does (washing up, ironing and making a packed lunch) two directly benefit him, whilst your jobs are for the benefit of the whole family.

Plus, those three things can't realistically take any longer than 30 mins tops!

madamginger · 18/07/2016 21:13

Yanbu, I never iron DH shirts. I hate ironing and I'm not his skivvy.

NotYoda · 18/07/2016 21:16

Agree with Phoebe

He may be fed up but it's not fair to make it into a competition with you.

228agreenend · 18/07/2016 21:17

IT is normal life putting kids to bed and doing a few chores.

However, I can understand why he would be peeved if you are relaxing after your chores, and he is still doing them. As someone else has said, why don't you both aim to finish at the same time.

UmbongoUnchained · 18/07/2016 21:21

He sounds like a faffer. My husband doesn't get home till about 10pm. I work full time and still have everything done and toddler in bed by 7pm. Between the two of you there's no reason why you both can't be sat down at the same time with an entire evening to yourselves.

EverythingWillBeFine · 18/07/2016 21:29

I hope he is a bit more efficient at work TBH!

He needs to learn to
1- do all the ironing all in one go
2- be much more efficient in preparing his lunch. It doesn't take hours.
All in all this should be done within 30mins max (even with the ironing).
If he takes longer than that, then that's his loss really.

I suspect though that he is trying very hard to give you more responsibilities (eg his ironing and his lunch).

Are you getting two night out every week too btw?

Hereforthebeer · 18/07/2016 21:31

I don't understand why its takes so long either. Getting to the heart of that could help solve the problem.

I would want to sit down at more or less the same time as my OH, I'd feel i couldn't relax if he had loads to do, so i'd be tempted to take on something to enable that (or work out why he takes so long).

I don't see a problem with going out two nights a week, do you also go out too? If i was him i probably would too, as it doesn't sound that much fun at home.

SideOfFoot · 18/07/2016 21:32

Does he really need to iron? No one ever irons in this house, it all comes out the tumble dryer ready to be worn.

Why don't you make him something for the following days lunch while you are making the tea, you'd be quicker than him and it'd be done in a couple of minutes while you were in the kitchen anyway.