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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not let MIL

111 replies

Champagneformyrealfriends · 17/07/2016 21:34

Look after DD overnight? She asks constantly, has even "jokingly" told her other GC they can't stay over until DD has. She's 4 months old-I'm not ready to leave her, and even if I was ready I'd want it to be with my mum or sister first because DD sees them more often.
I get constant pressure to leave her and they tell me that i "need to do it soon before she gets too used" to being with me all the time. So AIBU?

OP posts:
AllChangeLife · 17/07/2016 21:36

Ignore.

Ignore.

Ignore.

Or, better still say something like "you will be waiting a long time, because I'm not ready to leave her yet. She is meant to be used to being with me all the time, I'm her Mum."

TerribleTwentyTwos · 17/07/2016 21:37

No YANBU. My MIL used to say "oh you must let us take her for a walk around the block!" I finally let her and the second the door closed, I was a mess. DP couldn't console me. They then proceeded to be gone for an hour and a half when they said they would be 10 minutes. I was fuming and it has never happened since.

Original poster
Champagneformyrealfriends · 17/07/2016 21:39

Thank you-I thought maybe I was being overprotective or clingy. They've made me feel as if I'm stupid for not wanting to leave her Sad

OP posts:
TerribleTwentyTwos · 17/07/2016 21:39

Oh and I finally left DD overnight when she was 2.5 and it was with DP. Do not let her pressure you into doing something you aren't comfortable with.

HavenforHaggis · 17/07/2016 21:39

Your child, your rules. Anyone who tries to pressure you to leave your child for their own benefit is wrong. You're not wrong or selfish to not leave your child. Set MIL straight and tell her you're not ready to leave your DD and you don't see why that should implement other GC staying.

MilesHuntsWig · 17/07/2016 21:39

Not at all. Do what you feel comfortable with. It's different for every mother and child. If you or your DD aren't ready then don't.

It doesn't matter if she gets used to being around you, you're her mum. She's only 4mo!! She will learn soon enough to be comfortable around her grandmother, there's no rush! She's got her whole lifetime to spend the night there.

I would calmly explain (or get your DH to preferably) that you're not ready for this to happen yet and you'll let her know when you are.

DramaAlpaca · 17/07/2016 21:40

YANBU. Four months is much too young & she needs to be with you. Stick to your guns & say no.

Beanzmeanzcoffee · 17/07/2016 21:41

Fuck. That.

4 months? That's nothing and YANBU to feel this way. I haven't left either of mine (2.5 and 6mo) overnight with anyone other than my husband (I work some nights) other than when I went into labour. I love my in laws but I love my children more!

Junosmum · 17/07/2016 21:41

yanbu

Wolfiefan · 17/07/2016 21:41

Gets used to being with you all the time? FFS she's still a tiny baby.
Does she smoke? Have inappropriate pets? Blame that! Or invent a ridiculous bedtime routine that no one else could possibly remember or do!
Tell he when you feel ready to have her babysit you will ask but it may be years until you want her to sleepover. She's your child not MILs!

Original poster
Champagneformyrealfriends · 17/07/2016 21:42

Terrible that's the sort of thing mil would do. She's already been ranting on fb because we don't let her "have" DD. If I let her take her for a walk I think she'd bugger off for the day Hmm

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littlejeopardy · 17/07/2016 21:42

YANBU at all. Why give yourself the stress of being apart when neither of you are ready yet. MIL needs to do one.

Foolscapped · 17/07/2016 21:43

My son is four and I've never left him with DH's parents overnight. Mind you, it would be their idea of hell, especially as the only time they babysat for him while we went out for the evening about a year and a half ago, he woke up roaring and they phoned us in a panic.

Your baby is supposed to be 'used' to you - you're her mother!

gonetoseeamanaboutadog · 17/07/2016 21:44

Gosh, anyone who rants about family matters on facebook doesn't have the maturity to look after my children.

Original poster
Champagneformyrealfriends · 17/07/2016 21:44

You've all made me feel so much better. Honestly I thought I was going to be told I was BU. Thank you.

OP posts:
MilesHuntsWig · 17/07/2016 21:50

She rants on FB? Can you get your DH onside to help put a stop to this. This is extra pressure you do not need as a new mum. She needs to grow up.

RoystonVaseySmegHead · 17/07/2016 21:54

I'd be tempted to say that your DD won't be staying overnight with anyone away from home until you're comfortable with it or she's stopped having night feeds/ sleeping through... Whichever happens sooner.. I have an awful memory of my cousins first sleepover at my grandmas house when he was maybe 10/11 months old, he was inconsolable and we had to stay up most of the night rocking him and telling him mummy and daddy were coming in the morning and it was heartbreaking Sad I darent let DS sleep anywhere that isn't mine or his dad's house by himself or even with me because I always remember it and get upset :( I'm a sensitive soul

Shizzlestix · 17/07/2016 21:57

Ranting on Facebook?! What is she, 15? Silly cow, tell her no, tell her the Facebook ranting is making you even more annoyed. What a stupid thing for her to do. Your child is 4 months old, no way would I leave my baby with anyone else.

LagunaBubbles · 17/07/2016 21:58

No it's up to you, your baby is very young. But I don't get all the angst sometimes about leaving older babies with their Grandparents - I grew up staying lots weekends with my Gran and I loved it. And my boys stayed with their Grans when they were young to.

paxillin · 17/07/2016 21:59

Unless you need it for babysitting I wouldn't let her stay until it is for your dd's benefit. Fun sleepovers start at 4 or 5. Years that is, not months.

Original poster
Champagneformyrealfriends · 17/07/2016 21:59

DH tries to take the higher ground and ignore her rants (this isn't the first time-not always aimed at us but she tends to be a DN "warrior"). She does them for attention so it seems counter productive to confront her over them. He would do though if I asked him to-If it happens again I will.

DD is (for now) a good sleeper but I worry that that could change any day and Sod's law dictates it would be the first night away.

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dailymaillazyjournos · 17/07/2016 22:00

Not on to nag you about it one bit. You will leave DD when you feel ready and with the person you feel most comfortable leaving her with.

I looked after DGD overnight when she was 3 months and dd couldn't get back home from the wedding she'd gone to, quick enough. She did manage and dgd was fine and slept well but no way would I ever demand/expect to look after her. DD knows I will have her overnight or look after her any time she wants, and all she has to do is ask. As a GM, I have never felt I have a 'right' to do so though. Our GC's are not OUR children and it's unreasonable to be laying the law down about what you expect imo. She needs to be told to stop with the constant carps and demands.

HarryPottersMagicWand · 17/07/2016 22:01

YANBU. She is being given utterly ridiculous. A baby should be used to its mum ffs, what a stupid comment.

The more she moans about it, the longer I'd even consider it, but I'm pretty petulant like that. Mine didn't start sleeping out at a relatives until they were about 3/4. No need for it to be any earlier. A baby will just be confused and wonder where the fuck it's mum has gone and why are they in a strange place.

Original poster
Champagneformyrealfriends · 17/07/2016 22:01

Paxillin they keep telling me how much she'll love staying over and I keep trying to explain that 4 month old babies love milk, sleep and their parents and that about it!

OP posts:
Marcipex · 17/07/2016 22:01

And the other grandchildren have never stayed over?
How old are they? And they have to wait until your dd has been?
She sounds like a loon.

4 years is more like the age to begin sleepovers.

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