Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not let MIL

111 replies

Champagneformyrealfriends · 17/07/2016 21:34

Look after DD overnight? She asks constantly, has even "jokingly" told her other GC they can't stay over until DD has. She's 4 months old-I'm not ready to leave her, and even if I was ready I'd want it to be with my mum or sister first because DD sees them more often.
I get constant pressure to leave her and they tell me that i "need to do it soon before she gets too used" to being with me all the time. So AIBU?

OP posts:
MammyHester9116 · 17/07/2016 22:01

Yanbu
My lb is 6 months and still wakes regularly for bf during the night! I don't think he will have a sleepover for a few years yet.

Purplebluebird · 17/07/2016 22:03

Yanbu! My son is 2,5 and I still refuse to leave him overnight Grin nothing wrong with it. At 4 months you need to nurture attachment, not let her feel abandoned, as she would at that age!

Original poster
Champagneformyrealfriends · 17/07/2016 22:04

Dailymail I wish you were my mil-my mum is like you. She just says we'll ask her when we're ready and she'd be happy to whenever that is.

Harry I'm getting more and more stubborn every time she brings it up Blush

OP posts:
JudyCoolibar · 17/07/2016 22:05

Tell her the more she rants on FB the longer it will be before you DD stays any length of time with her.

ToadsforJustice · 17/07/2016 22:06

Good grief, I wouldn't want my DGC staying over until they are at least school age! I like my wine and sleep too much. Grin

Original poster
Champagneformyrealfriends · 17/07/2016 22:06

Marcie they stay all the time but when they were asking yesterday when they could come again they were told not until DD had stayed over. Dnephew commented that would be ages away and mil said "well you can't stay again into dgd has".

OP posts:
TheWeeBabySeamus1 · 17/07/2016 22:06

Different people different rules. My mum watched my son overnight when he was 2 weeks old. He's stayed a few times, but the last time was about 7 months ago and he was really unsettled so it won't happen again until he's older (if he wants to go that is), and my mum respects that as she only cares about DS being happy - not herself.

You're the parent and it's your choice, she's a baby not a toy that everyone gets turns with. If she asks again just tell her that it's not something you're comfortable with just yet, but in a few months/years when the baby (and you) are ready then that's fine.

Original poster
Champagneformyrealfriends · 17/07/2016 22:06

Until not into

OP posts:
AlwaysWashing · 17/07/2016 22:06

What AllChangeLife said.

Original poster
Champagneformyrealfriends · 17/07/2016 22:07

Toads that made me smile! Enjoy the wine!

OP posts:
Shizzlestix · 17/07/2016 22:08

Getting more and more annoyed on your behalf. Have you sat with her, done serious face and told her straight that it won't be happening until you're happy with it, which may actually be never? Might be the only way to shut her up.

paxillin · 17/07/2016 22:09

People might not tell her on fb, but every rant will bring out a few more WTF reactions among her friends. Baby for a fun sleepover.

Why not invite mum when 8 month pregnant to sleep between granny and gramps so they can talk to the belly and bond with the grandfoetus from the off.

DoreenLethal · 17/07/2016 22:09

Tell her the more she rants on FB the longer it will be before you DD stays any length of time with her.

'MIL - every time you ask I am adding on another week. HTH.'

Marcipex · 17/07/2016 22:09

Okay, then as well as a loon, she's an absolute cow.

I'd say, tell her plainly, that it won't be for years and years, and may be never.

Okkitokkiunga · 17/07/2016 22:09

Your Mil would love me then. DD is 9 yrs and DS almost 7. They will be staying with my MiL for one night these hols for the first time ever. It is the first time DH and I will be leaving them overnight.

Her posting stuff on FB is ridiculous. That's made me cross for you. I'd reply "this isn't working in your favour". But then I'm a mardy cow anyway.

Enjoy your baby.

Original poster
Champagneformyrealfriends · 17/07/2016 22:10

No "Shizzle* and I really ought to. I tell myself that the next time and brings it up I'll say something but it's always around lots of people and I'm too bloody timid to say anything. I tried explain I didn't want to leave DD when we saw them yesterday but sil started saying "What are you going to do when you go back to work then?" And I was blindsided.

OP posts:
MeLittleDuckie · 17/07/2016 22:14

Absolutely with you on this one OP. DS is 13 months and I wouldn't leave him overnight with DH, never mind MIL. I'm aware lots of people would at this stage but that's them, and I'm me. It's totally up to you. Let her know it's not going to happen for a long time, and you don't know how long that time will be, it depends on how well she sleeps, how she is with other people as she grows etc. I think parents today often get a lot of stick for nurturing our children (I definitely do), but my brain has learned to reject comments along the lines of 'you're spoiling him'/he's clingy isn't he'. On the brighter side, it's nice your MIL wants to be so involved Smile

Original poster
Champagneformyrealfriends · 17/07/2016 22:14

explaining
I'd love to blame my crappy grammar and spelling on my phone but it's really just my inability to proof read Blush

OP posts:
Airandmungbeans · 17/07/2016 22:16

DS1, now four, didn't stay over night until he was 3 1/2 and that was only because DS2 was going through a really bad sleep patch. Poor DS1 was exhausted and needed a full nights sleep! DS2, just turned two has never stayed anywhere else and wont for a while, he still relies on his bedtime breastfeed and usually sometimes still in the night. Are you breastfeeding? It's a handy get out clause at times!

Petal40 · 17/07/2016 22:18

Oh I remember those days....so stressful...why do they think they have any sort of claim on yr child...bizarre ...I just ignor compleatly

Alibobbob · 17/07/2016 22:19

How old are her other GC? Have they ever stayed overnight with her? Emotional blackmail from her/unfair on the other GC not to let any of hem stay until after your daughter has stayed. Next time she jokes joke back that she's going to have a long wait!

rollonthesummer · 17/07/2016 22:20

What an awful way to behave to her older grandchildren. What do their parents think about her attitude towards them?!

Marcipex · 17/07/2016 22:20

Anyway, if you have to leave your dd for work, all the more reason to not leave her at night.

EssexMummy1234 · 17/07/2016 22:20

When or if you go back to work then get the best nursery or nanny that you can, do not agree one or two days a week with MIL.

Original poster
Champagneformyrealfriends · 17/07/2016 22:22

Air I'm not anymore no. It would be a great get out clause you're right! DD is very attached to me though-she won't take a bottle from anybody other than me and DH (it took a lot of effort to get her to take one from him-he spent weeks wearing my old t shirts to feed her) so I could tell her that but I'd just get told it was all the more reason to get her used to not being with me Sad

OP posts: