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AIBU?

AIBU to not let MIL

111 replies

Champagneformyrealfriends · 17/07/2016 21:34

Look after DD overnight? She asks constantly, has even "jokingly" told her other GC they can't stay over until DD has. She's 4 months old-I'm not ready to leave her, and even if I was ready I'd want it to be with my mum or sister first because DD sees them more often.
I get constant pressure to leave her and they tell me that i "need to do it soon before she gets too used" to being with me all the time. So AIBU?

OP posts:

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Champagneformyrealfriends · 17/07/2016 22:25

Essex I've already decided that DD will be at nursery rather than MIL's house when I do go back but it's mainly a logistical decision - however I'm all too aware that there would be more pressure to leave her overnight if she was already there and I had to travel a distance to collect her.

OP posts:

facebookrecruit · 17/07/2016 22:26

YADNBU
What a manipulative bitch I feel sorry for her other DGC that's an awful thing to do!

MilesHuntsWig · 17/07/2016 22:27

You don't need to give them reasons why not. "I'm not ready for that to happen", is all they need. Repeat as necessary when they next try to blindside you.

What a bunch of idiots. Stay stubborn!

IJustAteTheKidsFoodAgain · 17/07/2016 22:30

This sounds insane! Surely it just ensures you will be less willing to leave your child with her? She sounds very childish, I don't know that I'd trust someone like that with my child. My MIL loves having the DC to stay but while she always said she was happy to help, she never asked/ranted on social media I also breastfed for a really long time just in case anyone did try

Champagneformyrealfriends · 17/07/2016 22:34

I don't think she realises the social media rants make us less inclined to send her to stay-they were long rants, I'd copy and paste but it would seriously out me (not that I'm particularly secretive on here but I'd best be careful!)

OP posts:

ImperialBlether · 17/07/2016 22:35

Four months old? No way.

Ask your husband whether he spent nights with his grandparents when he was little. I bet the answer will be no.

trafalgargal · 17/07/2016 22:35

Is your SIL a bit dim that she doesn't understand the difference between day time child care as a necessary versus overnight because Granny wants a baby doll to play with.

Banning the other grand kids from staying til she gets her way is incredibly manipulative and would make me dig my heels in even more.

Heatherplant · 17/07/2016 22:38

YANBU, my DS has yet to stay overnight anywhere without me and he is well over 2 years old. Your baby you make the rules.

Champagneformyrealfriends · 17/07/2016 22:43

trafalgargal sil has 4 children and let's then stay over regularly, so much so that they beg to stay at their gp's house. They all stayed from being days old so I think perhaps my decision not to let DD sleep away makes her uncomfortable with her decision to let her dc stay so young (not that it should-each to their own).

Mil is manipulative-when we ignored her Fb rants she decided she was "very ill" and started posting cryptic statuses about visits to the dr until DH cracked and rang her. She had a virus .

OP posts:

SanityAssassin · 17/07/2016 22:44

Just don't understand this obsession with staying over at GPs when they are so local you could go home.

Champagneformyrealfriends · 17/07/2016 22:46

Sanity I've said that-DD sleeps well so it's not like we're so exhausted we need a break (though I know some parents are-we're just so far very lucky and awaiting the 4 month sleep regression!)

OP posts:

Mummyme1987 · 17/07/2016 22:46

My answer would be. Ask me again when she starts school. I agree anyone who fb rants isn't mature enough to babysit my child.

SanityAssassin · 17/07/2016 22:51

You are the parent - it's up to you where DC sleeps. if you are not happy and not in need don't do it. if you are happy with their care then do it when you are comfortable and there is some benefit for you as the DC will not gain anything from the experience at this age.

Mouseinahole · 17/07/2016 22:54

I was the opposite! Even though I looked after dgc three times a week from the age of 6 months I refused over nighters until they were old enough to talk to me. I felt 3 was about right and the first was me sleeping at their house and mum and dad home before lunch.
Now they are 7 and 9 and we all enjoy it. Two nights is my maximum though unless it's an emergency.

RupertPupkin · 17/07/2016 22:55

Why on earth would anyone want a 4mo baby to come stay? Do they not enjoy sleeping? As far as house guests go babies on their own are dismal. Sorry OP I am sure yours is very cute!

Ed1tY0urPr0f1le · 17/07/2016 22:57

I get constant pressure to leave her and they tell me that i "need to do it soon before she gets too used" to being with me all the time

That's complete bollocks! If anything, the opposite is true. Feeling secure in her needs being met is what she needs at her age!

I was bulldozed into letting DS1 stay in my parents room in a B&B one night when he was about 14 months old and it was a horrible night for me - my instincts were telling me to go and smash their door in and get him back - I just wasn't ready (he was fine!) By the time he was 2, they could have had him for a month (well not really but mums of toddlers will know what I mean!)

Everyone is different but just keep on repeating you are not ready to leave her yet and will let mil know when you are.

ThePinkOcelot · 17/07/2016 22:59

YADNBU!! My dds are 15 and 12 and they haven't stayed over at MILs. I really don't get why people go on like this. It's ridiculous.

GabsAlot · 17/07/2016 23:01

what a ridiculous thing to say to her grandson well u might not stay again because your cousin cant

shes pathetic-its up to u when u let your child stay away not her

SanityAssassin · 17/07/2016 23:05

I have 2 junior age DC and have been away from them 7 nights in total (between them) and for all but 2 of those DH was with them. I have no family within 200 miles. There is no need unless you want it.

Cheerybigbottom · 17/07/2016 23:08

What a ridiculous woman. My son didn't stay a night away from me until he was a month off 4 year old. My own MIL was delighted to have him, but never pushed.

My father demanded he & wife take son out in pram for grandparents walk at barely two weeks old and I still haven't forgiven him for his selfishness.

There is no way you should give in to this demand, I suspect it will get worse and lead to more. SIL should be taking up fight for her own children and asking why her kids can't stay as usual just because new grandchild hadn't, it's hurting them to spite the wrong people.

YeOldMa · 17/07/2016 23:10

I wouldn't let anybody who was that manipulative have my DC overnight...well, I did with my own DM and am still learning about my stupidity years down the line.
My DGD stayed with me from an early age because my DD was disabled by her birth but my DIL wouldn't allow my DGS stay with me because she isn't ready for that and he is 9 months old. That's ok by me, it is her child, her rules and when the moment comes that she is happy for him to stay, I will cherish the moment as it means I will have gained her trust.
I feel a great deal of pleasure when the DGD pleads to stay with me but it is always a decision I leave to her parents to decide amongst themselves because I remember how much I wanted my DD to come home with me at the end of the day (DM child minded her) but my DM had always said she could before I'd even got through the door. I felt rejected by DD and helpless before DM who just told me not to be so silly when I complained.
Stick to your guns and don't let yourself be bally ragged, YDNBU.

HarryPottersMagicWand · 17/07/2016 23:14

I'd probably never let her stay.

Isn't the pretending to be ill to get attention a FOG thing? I'm sure I've read that on here before. It's a well known tactic.

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Champagneformyrealfriends · 17/07/2016 23:25

What's FOG?
I'm not sure I will ever let her stay tbh after everything that's been said.

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April229 · 17/07/2016 23:28

Four months! I wouldn't let her out of my sight let alone away for the night! You stick to your guns, baby needs you, end of.

43percentburnt · 17/07/2016 23:31

Just ignore her, don't bother trying to justify - she won't change her mind about wanting baby overnight.

I find it strange that there are people like your MIL desperately wanting to treat their grandchildren as if they are their children. It makes me think of the really life like, very expensive, one off, handmade dolls people buy and treat like a baby - sorry if I have offended anyone who collects these.

I'm not a grandparent but I really think my priority would be ensuring my child or Dil/sil was happy and comfortable this would enable them to concentrate on baby. For example going to the supermarket for them or cooking them dinner, ensuring breastfeeding mum has snacks and water, paying for a spring clean if they wanted it, helping on a day out, I'd volunteer to watch baby if parents wanted to go for a nap or shower/bath undisturbed.

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