Mum wants me to collect her child from school

[justalittlelemondrizzle]

A mum at school I'm quite friendly with has basically informed me that she will need me to pick up her dd every Thursday from next year. Her other child is at a local private school and due to finish times she won't be able to get from one school to the other in time. I think she will she will have 15 minutes between pickups.
We do each other favours if one of us is running late occasionally but I don't want to be tied down to picking her dd up every Thursday for the next 4 years.
I feel a bit mean for not wanting to help but there are after school clubs and she chooses to send her dd to the another school and although my were free for about an hour after school on Thursdays at the moment. We really dont know if our schedule will chabhe next year. I don't know how to get out of this.

Ooh just saw that she wants once a week. So obviously once a week is to frequent.

Yes just tell her it's not practical and its best that she makes other arrangements. I got sucked into doing somebody's pick ups and drop offs due to illness and its a real bind. People who expect it don't appreciate it imo, totally not worth it.

These people are common because it works. Our 2 pisstaker families took YR, Y1 and Y2 to run out of mugs. Imagine the savings in childcare costs!

They now pay for it in lack of friendships and playdates because everybody is so wary of meeting up at all lest they get landed with the kid every week until half term.

I feel your pain! I was 'befriended' by a mum at school (who has a part-time career, several children and full-time paid help) who lives halfway between school and my house. She often asks me to drop off one of her children, but cannot/will not reciprocate. I already share the school run with 2 other families but she is not deterred by my constant weak excuses, and keeps asking. The requests are often proceeded by 'We must do coffee!'.

Don't be weak like me. Man up and tell her now!

They now pay for it in lack of friendships and playdates because everybody is so wary of meeting up at all lest they get landed with the kid every week until half term

Who gets the children from school now-have they finally given in and actually sorted paid childcare??

No, they pick up themselves mostly. But people still don't trust it and run if they come with a cheery "hi, what you're up to?".

I'm always FULL of good advice for threads like this and yet I fall for these people too!

A woman from my youngest's school texted me yesterday evening

"Hi! Would MiniVi like a play tomorrow...is she free?"

So I said "Yes, she'd love that"

And got this back

"Great, I;ll drop mine off at 9.30am"

I was too embarrassed to say anything! I've got work to do! I'm in Oz and the kids are off school and now I'm stuck with an extra kid and can't work properly!

Canyouforgiveher, but surely when Xmas came and went and there were no thanks or reciprocal arrangements you told her to find an alternative?

I know but I didn't. It really wasn't much skin off my nose to drop the child. And dh and I got a bit of a kick out of complaining about them to each other. If she asked me for anything now, I would just smile and say no.

But it really struck me how some people who are ostensibly nice etc are just pure rude and self centered. the child involved was an extremely gifted violinist - really good. Also very academic. (And pretty). at the end of the year I just thought that despite all her gifts, she didn't know how to say thank you to someone doing her a favour - and that was because her parents didn't seem to understand basic manners or how to get along with other people. I felt sorry for her actually. Her giftedness may dilute as she gets older and violin playing matters less etc. Manners stay with you forever.

Violet, reply quickly"that doesn't work for me but she's welcome after 4pm till 8 pm. Otherwise, we'll have to do it another time."

Come on violet, take your own advice, don't get used.

She's already here Decaff. I couldn't do it...I just agreed immediately.

I like the phrase "That doesn't work for me" though for future reference.

Do you think that the parent deliberately phrased it in a way that would make me think there was an invitation?

Yes, that was phrased deliberately. Don't fall for it again!!

Ahh Violet, I would definitely have interpreted that as an invitation as well and I'm quite sensitive to someone trying to get free care. How rude! I don't see why the OP's friend can't just do two pickups and let the private school know she'll be there within the half hour.

Amazes me how people don't ask they tell. We have a woman at work like this, she's not in our team and orders people about, bad enough as its work, but for a mother to order another mother about that would make me seriously that she didn't ask and in a very polite way and make it clear it was only if convenient.

Coco I know! Child has gone now...DH took her home an hour ago and I am fuming!

They were QUITE good but it's still a liberty! I won't be falling for THAT woman's shite again!

violetbam, yes she did word it specifically to make you think it was an invitation. bloody cheek of it.

do it back to her. gowon! then update us all.

Violet, that is OUTRAGEOUS. Even more cunning in that if you replied 'oh, sorry, I thought you were inviting her' it makes YOU look entitled. URGH.

Yes, Violet - she tricked you good'n'proper! Next time (I know) just check - "will you be collecting my DD, or do you want me to drop her off at yours?" so she knows which way it's going!

Violet: It's usually not about the kids - most of the time they are okay, even embarrassed about it. It's the parents who take liberties. She probably was stuck for care because school holidays have ended but OOSHC doesn't start until kids go back (teachers have one or two inset days at start of term here in Oz) but if she'd just been straight with you, chances are you might have agreed to have her daughter over anyway. Now she's blown her chances of you providing backup care again.

I've had EXACTLY that! "Does minishakey want to play with minicheekyasfuck?" "Yep, he's free" "Great, I'll send him round..."

I was too to say anything.

You needed to have said "Crossed wires. Thought you were asking DD over to yours. Sorry no can do, I'm working from home"

I've had exactly that, too. I now always say "can't have kids over, poor minipax is super bored". If they really meant for him to come, they say it at that point. Another common trick it seems.

Violetbam

"Oh mini violet is free, but unfortunately I am not as working! I could drop her off at your place at 9.30am and then I can have yours another day when I'm not working"

Do it asap. Put her on the spot instead, see how she likes it. Then report back!