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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mum wants me to collect her child from school

198 replies

justalittlelemondrizzle · 17/07/2016 02:35

A mum at school I'm quite friendly with has basically informed me that she will need me to pick up her dd every Thursday from next year. Her other child is at a local private school and due to finish times she won't be able to get from one school to the other in time. I think she will she will have 15 minutes between pickups.
We do each other favours if one of us is running late occasionally but I don't want to be tied down to picking her dd up every Thursday for the next 4 years.
I feel a bit mean for not wanting to help but there are after school clubs and she chooses to send her dd to the another school and although my were free for about an hour after school on Thursdays at the moment. We really dont know if our schedule will chabhe next year. I don't know how to get out of this.

OP posts:
RepentAtLeisure · 17/07/2016 12:52

xpost

Original poster
justalittlelemondrizzle · 17/07/2016 12:55

Polarbear - on other days there are sports/music clubs that bridge the gap and on one of the days someone at the other child's school has the eldest one.
Tuesday has now suddenly become a problem because our dc's are moving into juniors so are finishing slightly later.

OP posts:
AdultingIsNotWhatIExpected · 17/07/2016 12:57

Saying no clearly and facually is not "rude"

but if she tries it on in September we will be rushing to fictional swimming/ballet/drama classes that start at 4pm!
That's great, till she says "oh fantastic, I was looking for a good swimming class, I'll sign X up and they can go together"

Why lie? why not be straight with people, it's much "nicer" and prevents problems/fall outs later..

You're just deferring the problem until another date TBH, and the longer you're unclear about it, the bigger a problem it will be

AdultingIsNotWhatIExpected · 17/07/2016 12:58

factually

PaulDacreCuntyMcCuntFace · 17/07/2016 12:59

Save your sympathy for someone who actually needs it! You've said that she is financially very well off. If this is the case then she should easily be able to afford an hour or so of after-school childcare to facilitate the different school pick-ups.

Be sympathetic to someone who is struggling to juggle pick-ups with their job that keeps a roof over their head. For someone who ended up with DC at different schools and not through choice (she's decided to send one private, so she knew that she would have this issue). For someone who is ill, or hard up or just trying to get on with their life without assuming that someone else will deal with their shit for them. Don't feel sorry for her; this is a problem of her own making.

RandomMess · 17/07/2016 13:15

I wouldn't lie come September either, I would just say "I told you that I'm not prepared to help out regularly" she does sound like a piss taker - you work, she doesn't return the favour, and think it's ok to expect you to sort her childcare out weekly.

Armi · 17/07/2016 13:19

I've been in a similar situation and dithered for a bit. We're so conditioned to be 'nice and helpful' I think it's easy to talk yourself into committing to things you don't want to do. I texted back saying I was sorry but didn't want to commit as we liked to be flexible with our arrangements on that day. When we saw each other again I think she felt awkward about it. I didn't, and just kept chatting away as normal. Things are fine between us now which they really would not have been had I agreed to her request.

GabsAlot · 17/07/2016 13:22

why are some people so rude

i wouldnt assume anyone would do anything like that for me and i prob wouldnt ask unless i was desprate

too rich this woman is and to stingy

BadLad · 17/07/2016 13:30

too rich this woman is

Mum wants me to collect her child from school
Lilaclily · 17/07/2016 13:31
Grin
AdultingIsNotWhatIExpected · 17/07/2016 13:37

Homework OP: go to your bathroom mirror, say 10 times: "that doesn't work for me"
Go!
Do it!

YouOKHun · 17/07/2016 13:39

There is a mother at my DCs' school who is 'the busiest person in the world; I've got four children and a part time job you know' and assumes others are available to assist her because 'what do they do all day with the one/two/three children??' She will ask 'could you just sweep up my DC and drop him back after school ... Every Wednesday?' If the answer is no she's not gracious about it because 'what can you possibly be doing with your time??'. She doesn't ask me because I've told her to manage her own shit and a definite answer is the only way to manage this. Others who have been unclear/apologetic seem to be running around after her. Her choice to have 4 DC. Your friend's choice to have DC in different schools. I'm all for helping people out with one-offs but a regular situation requires her to put something formal in place. Just say no!

paxillin · 17/07/2016 13:44

I am amazed how many school gate pisstakers exist. We had two of those families, one dumps their kid "for a few minutes after pickup" (read: you'll be begging them to get their ds at 7pm). The other drops ds off for endless sleepovers without invitation. Both completely ran out of mugs in year 3.

Topseyt · 17/07/2016 13:46

How entitled of her!!

Her child, her responsibility. Tell her you have enough on your plate juggling after school pickups for your own family and can commit to nothing else.

LoveMN · 17/07/2016 13:51

So she's sending one child to private and the other to state? Did I get that right? How odd!
If she has the money for private she has the money for school club then...

bloodyteenagers · 17/07/2016 14:05

So now she wants Tuesdays and Thursdays?

hotdiggedy · 17/07/2016 14:08

Yes, be careful about making up classes incase she decides she needs her daughter to join in with them too!

AdultingIsNotWhatIExpected · 17/07/2016 14:11

Yes, be careful about making up classes incase she decides she needs her daughter to join in with them too

Or worse: "oh that's okay, X can do her homework while you're waiting at swimming" - so now you're homework superviser too.. and wondering whether to hastily find a swim class so you can keep up the lie Grin

TrivialPursuit · 17/07/2016 14:15

Good choice to re-phrase her message for her.

Don't let yourself be backed into giving details of what you will be doing on Thursdays, because she'll catch you in the lie and then play the injured party/ make you squirm.

If it were me, i would not follow up. If she mentions childcare on Thursdays again, don't offer the after school club option as she'll doubtless find a reason to be insulted by this.

SuperFlyHigh · 17/07/2016 14:16

jaffa I was sort of joking about it being harsh but if you see Op's subsequent reply she's not been as firm as I would have been...

Mind you I will depending on the person myself be quite blunt especially if not close and don't need to see them whereas others if I'm friendlier or see more of, I'm a bit nicer, only to make life easier!

LoisWilkersonsLastNerve · 17/07/2016 14:16

Yes people like this tend to use salesperson techniques to twist things back on you. Just a clear, straight NO is what you need if she starts that patter.

RandomMess · 17/07/2016 14:23

If she dares to ask again I'd be tempted to say "Are you on glue???" to get it through to her that you think (rightly) that her request is completely unreasonable!

NervousRider · 17/07/2016 14:42

OP - what will you do when her "emergencies" crop up?

AdultingIsNotWhatIExpected · 17/07/2016 14:45

OP - what will you do when her "emergencies" crop up?
She sounds like the kinda woman who has childcare "emergencies" every week, or when she's booked herself into the hairdressers etc.

paxillin · 17/07/2016 14:46

We had a stealthy one. She asked "when is Minipax's cricket club" and I'd say Wednesday. Small talk small talk, what are you up to tomorrow (Tuesday)? Nothing much. Let's meet. Come Tuesday she's busy, but since we were meeting can I take pisstaker's child? Of course I can. Next week, can I take pisstaker's kid again please since my Tuesdays are free. I was working, someone else did pickup. I had no phone at work. Pisstaker was furious her child was left at school. She did it a lot. Her kid has no playdates now because every playdate can turn into a year's worth of babysitting.