Mum wants me to collect her child from school

[justalittlelemondrizzle]

A mum at school I'm quite friendly with has basically informed me that she will need me to pick up her dd every Thursday from next year. Her other child is at a local private school and due to finish times she won't be able to get from one school to the other in time. I think she will she will have 15 minutes between pickups.
We do each other favours if one of us is running late occasionally but I don't want to be tied down to picking her dd up every Thursday for the next 4 years.
I feel a bit mean for not wanting to help but there are after school clubs and she chooses to send her dd to the another school and although my were free for about an hour after school on Thursdays at the moment. We really dont know if our schedule will chabhe next year. I don't know how to get out of this.

Yes and surely she has two schools that potentially offer after school clubs. So much flexibility

For the love of God, please say no. Do you want to keep being friendly? If yes, Violet 's reply is good.

A mother I know from my DS's school tried to do this a few years ago.
It requires me gaming around for up to 15 minutes with my children and hers, as she had taken a job meaning she would run late.
She actually didn't even ask me, she assumed I would do and started telling other people that I would be doing it, I found out through another mother and I set her straight, I have my own children, my own work commitments etc. There are probably many times I am there anyway, while the children play etc, but I didn't want any commitment, I have my own commitments and didn't want to be tied down everyday.
Also you are right, it would be until year 6, you would never get out of it.
Funnily enough she started befriending mums she had never given the time of day to once I said no, fishing for another. Everyone knew what she was up to.
I have great friends who I help out and who help me out in return, we never ever take liberties and only call on one another in emergencies.
Don't get sucked in, I wouldn't even offer back up help. You will end up doing it all the time X
Good luck.

Gaming, hanging that was meant to say.

Bloody cheek

Don't respond by text at all.
If she mentions it again:
'Are you asking me or telling me?'
'Asking'
'Then the answer is no, I can't commit to childminding every thursday because I am not a registered childminder nor do I wish to be.'
'Telling'
'I was not aware that you were my boss.'

If you agree to do it as a one off, then it will be a one off every week. Just say no. And stop taking up the slack on other days.

Isn't this an opportunity for " that won't work for me" ! You have other commitments don't you. She has other options.

I would text back:

I'm thinking about the logistics of how this is going to work. If you want me to collect every Thursday, could you let me know which day you'll be doing the pickup for so that we can make sure that the responsibility is equally shared? Thanks.

I bet you'll get a msg back blustering that she wasn't expecting to do any reciprocal pick-up at all. At which point you can sweetly reply:

Oh gosh, no I'm not doing weekly childcare for the next X years if you aren't going to return the favour! Hope you manage to sort something out.

With people like this it is important not to apologise, not offer any excuses and not offer any suggestions of what alternatives they can use.

If you do this it gives them an in that you may feel bad/weak, your reasons could be altered or negotiated with ('oh well when can you do?' Or 'can you do it till you do have something else on?' etc) and if you offer suggestions it is saying to them that you are now helping them in some way, and it is giving you some responsibility in this, like it's a problem for you both now to solve.

'I just wanted to let you know i wont be able to pick up x from school on Thursdays, see you next week, Just'. And then just broken record it all the way.

I would respond by text as well (but be prepared for another request at school)

"I've considered your request for my to have x every Thursday but that doesn't work for us, I've heard the after school club is excellent" when she brings it up again "I'm not prepared to commit to anything regular" if she has the brass necked cheek to respond to your text and need help to work it come back here. Ultimately you can just reply with "I work I get exhausted, I value the journey home with just my DC so my answer is no."

"No can do".

Is it worth adding "you must make other arrangements"?

Please say no, I've been there too. Looking after a family members baby when she went back to work. It was ok occasionally but then turned into everyday from 7am until about 3. It drained the life out of me.

how was her text worded?

Why are people offering excuses? Sometimes an excuse might be required but this is not one of those times

"Hi Mary, got side tracjes the other day when the kids came out from school and never got to finished out conversation, so just to let you know that picks up after school don't work for me, you could try after school club, sure you'll sort it, see you soon "

Your reply to her is in your op:

Hi, happy to do the odd favour, like, but I don't want to be tied down to picking your dd up for the next 4 years.

Didddl has it. No explanations. No excuses. And no use of the word sorry!!

What Doreen said.
I would have asked if she's on glue!

Can't you just say no!

I would just send "sorry but I can't pick your DD up"

The sorry isn't an apology really, it's just good manners. Which the mother seems to be lacking but I don't see that as an excuse to be rude.

Although "fuck off cunty chops" would be what I was thinking.

Oh I see, she asked you outright? Wow!

Just text her, today, so it's done. If she says anything repeat, I can't commit to that, i don't mind the odd occasion, but I'm not going to take on childcare responsibilities for anyone, I have a hard enough time managing my own life and children.

Yes, why should you say "sorry"? I think that the minute you say sorry it gives "entitleders" I've just invented that word! a lever in, because they will play on your niceness.

You are quite friendly with her so I appreciate it is awkward. I would text..

"I cannot commit to picking up "Name" every Thursday. Good luck with sorting it"

Lunar I'm in agreement just say no and no whys or wherefores etc about it.

If this "friend" mother then asks why then OP can wheel out her excuses but even then... OP doesn't need to explain herself to her! apart from asking her to arrange for after school club etc or extra paid childcare

You get out of it by saying 'no, I can't do it, you'll need to make alternative arrangements'. Send a text today and it's done. The longer you take to do anything about it the more likely she assumes she has you.

Roussette you see if you text your text then it may mean to grabby cow that maybe OP "could" commit in some other way or somehow...

So just "no, can't do this, you'll have to make alternative arrangements".

See no excuse for misinterpretation there??