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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mum wants me to collect her child from school

198 replies

justalittlelemondrizzle · 17/07/2016 02:35

A mum at school I'm quite friendly with has basically informed me that she will need me to pick up her dd every Thursday from next year. Her other child is at a local private school and due to finish times she won't be able to get from one school to the other in time. I think she will she will have 15 minutes between pickups.
We do each other favours if one of us is running late occasionally but I don't want to be tied down to picking her dd up every Thursday for the next 4 years.
I feel a bit mean for not wanting to help but there are after school clubs and she chooses to send her dd to the another school and although my were free for about an hour after school on Thursdays at the moment. We really dont know if our schedule will chabhe next year. I don't know how to get out of this.

OP posts:
Cheguevarahamster · 17/07/2016 07:07

Very cheeky. Have you texted her yet op?

Spandexpanties · 17/07/2016 07:07

Text 'Just getting back to you about next years pick ups. DD might be doing clubs on a Thursday but I won't know till early/mid September. If our timetables fit, Im happy to be a back up plan and help out occasionally when the childminder is sick or if after school club is cancelled'

SocksRock · 17/07/2016 07:08

I collect my friend's twins every monday and have them until about 5pm including giving them tea. Difference being, I offered, she pays me (not a huge amount but enough to be appreciated), she is one of my closest friends so we always sit and have a natter as well, all the kids get on fine and she genuinely doesn't have any other option as there is no afterschool club where we are.

Being informed that this would be happening would have got a resounding "fuck off, no chance" from me.

AddToBasket · 17/07/2016 07:09

'I've checked my diary and it won't be possible to collect X on Thursdays, we just have too much on. Justalittlexx'

No real excuses, no offers of one off help, no suggestions. You need to be clear this isn't your problem.

Footle · 17/07/2016 07:11

Spandex, that's a terrible reply - the child's mother will take that as a yes.

Spandexpanties · 17/07/2016 07:11

You already do bits of childcare for her and would prefer to carry on that way rather then commit to every Thursday.

Spandexpanties · 17/07/2016 07:14

Footle

A back up plan, if our time tables fit would be just that. Would possibly be one or two times in the academic year. Not weekly

Spandexpanties · 17/07/2016 07:15

Childminders are rarely ill and after school clubs rarely close

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 17/07/2016 07:17

I wouldn't even say sorry. Just say "I've had a careful think about whether I can help you out but won't be able to."

I wouldn't say anything g about childminders or after school clubs etc. It's not your problem to find a solution to.

ButteredToastAndStrawberryJam · 17/07/2016 07:21

Just cut her off, she's a user.

TheSolitaryBoojum · 17/07/2016 07:22

I find it a bit worrying that you needed to ask MN the question.
Do you usually have trouble stopping yourself and your family being exploited, because you want to please?

TheHiphopopotamus · 17/07/2016 07:24

No, I wouldn't text Spandex's reply either, sorry. Someone as pushy as that mother would see it as a yes. I wouldn't even offer to do it as back up, you'll end up doing it all the time.

You need to be firm and clear from the start.

StealthPolarBear · 17/07/2016 07:24

I am the least assertive person ever yet I could imagine both sending and receiving

"just letting you know I won't be able to do pick ups on Thursdays next year"

As a pp asked, what about the other days?

eddielizzard · 17/07/2016 07:37

're your dd's thursday collection, have you investigated after school clubs?'

and if she pushes, i'd say 'i absolutely can't commit to that. i have work.'

what a cheek.

665TheNeighbourOfTheBeast · 17/07/2016 07:39

You could tell her that .." I have a friend who was asked for similar, it destroyed her friendship with the other mother, and I value our relationship too much to do the same."

NavyandWhite · 17/07/2016 07:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DinosaursRoar · 17/07/2016 07:42

Don't offer to be back up in your message turning down her request that was really a demand. If message something like "just to get back to you re picking up your dd every Thursday next year, unfortunately given my work commitments and my Dds after school activities, I can't commit to regular pick ups. Best you sort a childminder or after school club for your dd."

Not your problem that she's got dcs in different schools.

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 17/07/2016 07:47

You could tell her that .." I have a friend who was asked for similar, it destroyed her friendship with the other mother, and I value our relationship too much to do the same

I guarantee she would say "no, no it won't affect our friendship. Thanks ever so much. I appreciate your help"

LyndaNotLinda · 17/07/2016 07:51

Just say no, you can't commit to that. If you start offering to be a back up, she'll find all kinds of reasons why after school club or whatever isn't working

Gazelda · 17/07/2016 07:55

Violet's reply is perfect.

listsandbudgets · 17/07/2016 07:56

Rubbish!

Most private schools give some lee way on pick up. DD's for example finishes at 3.30pm but does not even start charging for after school care until 4pm. DS goes (to a different school) in September and they have the same rule. Similar rules at most of the other local independents.

she can use after school club or take advantage of pick up flexibility which probably exists. Why should you commit to being an upaid taxi service? If you want to be helpful you can offer to do it once in a while but she can't instruct you

Twowrongsdontmakearight · 17/07/2016 07:56

Ha ha! Some people are SO cheeky. One of the mums here had another DD every week before ballet. Fed the DC and then took and collected. When her FIL was ill and she had to go away with DH, her mum agreed to look after her granddaughters and then take them to ballet. Sponge-friend wanted to know why friends mum wouldn't look after her DD and take her DD to ballet too!

Don't do it OP! It's a slippery slope.

Charmed18 · 17/07/2016 07:59

I've had this before, people think if you are doing a pick up anyway 'one more won't make a difference '. Er yes it does! Especially when the mum who asked me just couldn't be bothered to leave the house to pick up her own child. Only asked because she thought it made no difference to me as I was picking my other two up! Some people take the p**s. I like the picture message best lol

SuperFlyHigh · 17/07/2016 08:10

Just say no. And good god please don't get roped into minding her other child just because etc... I find if you do that then it sets a precedent for other advantage taking which it obviously has done.

If you want to be really obtuse and firm (just in case another favour pops up) just a small chat along lines of "I'm fine having Maisie over when Daisy does her shows but due to my busy schedule as a working mum I feel that's all I can commit to right now and in the future. Hope you don't mind. Smile [head tilt]

SuperFlyHigh · 17/07/2016 08:11

Also, if love, just love to know, what is she like whenever YOU ask HER for a favour??!!