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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mum wants me to collect her child from school

198 replies

justalittlelemondrizzle · 17/07/2016 02:35

A mum at school I'm quite friendly with has basically informed me that she will need me to pick up her dd every Thursday from next year. Her other child is at a local private school and due to finish times she won't be able to get from one school to the other in time. I think she will she will have 15 minutes between pickups.
We do each other favours if one of us is running late occasionally but I don't want to be tied down to picking her dd up every Thursday for the next 4 years.
I feel a bit mean for not wanting to help but there are after school clubs and she chooses to send her dd to the another school and although my were free for about an hour after school on Thursdays at the moment. We really dont know if our schedule will chabhe next year. I don't know how to get out of this.

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 17/07/2016 09:34

why should you say "sorry"?

Sorry is not just an apology. Personally I would say it to convey the fact that I had sympathy for their predicament but I can't help out. It would disappear from any communication should they push it.

MeAndMy3LovelyBoys · 17/07/2016 09:37

If she's got that much money tell the cheeky cow to put her hand in her pocket and pay for a CM to pick her kid up or pay for after school club.
Some people.

Roussette · 17/07/2016 09:38

True Super, my text isn't strong enough! "I will not be able to pick "Name" up every thursday. Good luck with sorting it" might be better!

That's true Soup but sometimes with entitleders they think... ahhh she's sorry, I can work on this mug person Grin

maddiesparks · 17/07/2016 09:44

She clearly sees the child that is in private school as her main priority which is why she is so concerned with picking that one up herself and leaving the other one as an after thought. For that reason alone I'd tell her to do one. Someone here as already said most private schools don't kick the kids out as soon as school finishes and if said child is a bit older surely there must be a homework club or something she can go to? Anyway, not your concern OP. Just say you can't do it - your DD may have play dates or clubs etc to attend and so you can't commit.

ohnoppp · 17/07/2016 09:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

UnGoogleable · 17/07/2016 09:51

'That's not going to work for me' is perfectly fine in this scenario.

Good luck OP, and please update us on the entitled cow's response

Jaffacake09 · 17/07/2016 09:52

Nice and simple - copy/paste the below to her today so that she's off your back and simply do not respond to her calls/texts thereafter for the rest of today so she gets the hint you cant be manipulated:

You'll have to sort something out yourself - I cant and wont commit to picking up your child who is your responsibility, not mine.

End of.

And as I said above, totally IGNORE her texts/calls/rantings - otherwise she will guilt trip you into doing her job for her and you will be the one feeling sorry for yourself - not her.

NorbertDentressangle · 17/07/2016 09:52

I bet her priority is to pick up the private school child because they're paying for a "short" day (ie. normal school hours) rather than a "whole" day and she doesn't want to incur extra costs - cheeky mare!

Lottielou7 · 17/07/2016 09:54

I'm going against the grain here but I think maybe you are being a bit mean. If a good friend asked me to do this, I would without hesitation. If she is going to pick up her dd from yours right after is it really a big issue?

If your plans change at any time you can always say 'I'm sorry but we now have to do X on Thursday so I won't be able to collect your dd any more'

I think people are allowing their views about private schools to cloud their judgment. I have three children in different schools so we have to juggle. Luckily I have my parents to help but not everyone does.

Lottielou7 · 17/07/2016 09:55

Norbert FYI most private schools don't charge for after school club. The ones I'm familiar with don't.

Roussette · 17/07/2016 09:58

It's absolutely nothing to do with private school AFAIC. I'd forgotten that bit when I typed my post. OP said this would go on for the next four years. Would you honestly commit to that? I certainly wouldn't, I'd always help out in an emergency but not do something like this week in week out for years.

AyeAmarok · 17/07/2016 09:59

Widdlin's message is brilliant.

NorbertDentressangle · 17/07/2016 10:01

LottieLou - I'm just going by our local one which has different options for Early Years and Pre-prep (and possibly Prep too?)

NavyandWhite · 17/07/2016 10:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lottielou7 · 17/07/2016 10:07

Well it happens a lot at my dd's primary school - parents always help each other out every week, they even take each other's kids to clubs etc. If my good friend at school asked me to do this I would without hesitation. It's not like you are signing a contract to do it for ever and ever.

If the mum is going to immediately collect her from yours, OP I would have no problem with that at all.

Mycatsabastard · 17/07/2016 10:11

I'm very sorry but that really doesn't work for me. This is the phone number for the after school club.

Lottielou7 · 17/07/2016 10:16

I think the wider context is also important here. Perhaps this person is generally a piss taker in which case they are not a real friend. If it's a balanced friendship then I dont think it's unreasonable request. However, she should have asked nicely.

MachiKoro · 17/07/2016 10:18

I would want to know why she has one in state and one in private (unless it's a sen issue)?

NavyandWhite · 17/07/2016 10:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SoupDragon · 17/07/2016 10:23

I would want to know why she has one in state and one in private

I would think that is no ones business but the parents!

Lasagna · 17/07/2016 10:25

Informing rather than asking is very rude.

Can't you just do it and If anything comes up or things change next next you tell her you can't?

My DD, was picked up every Thursday and Friday from school by her best friends parents who still worked full time and they just spent the evening in the shop they owned. This went on from reception until end of year 6 and wouldve continued probably until year 8 when they walked home from school alone but they went to different schools.

Aeroflotgirl · 17/07/2016 10:26

How rude is she, this is not a one off, but quite a burden on you. No no no. I can do it as a one off favour, but no, no all the time sorry. She can get a childminder or pay for afterschool club.

MrsJoeyMaynard · 17/07/2016 10:27

I agree, text her and say that you can't pick her DD up from school. Emergencies or occasional favours are one thing, but I certainly wouldn't want to be tied into picking up someone else's child for the next 4 years.

I would find it difficult to believe that she really had no alternatives to press ganging other mums to do pick ups. The private schools near me all have really flexible wrap around care, most of the local state primaries also do a range of after school clubs. And I also know nurseries and childminders who will pick up children from primary school.

Lndnmummy · 17/07/2016 10:28

"Hi xxx, I have now had a chance to reflect on picking up xx and I am afraid it doesn't work with my other commitments. Thought you would want to know asap so you can arrange something else that suits you. See you Monday, enjoy your weekend!"

A) shows you have reflected and tried to makenit work, but "unfortunately" it doesn't.

b) you are not apologising

C) you are doing her a favour by letting her know early.

SuburbanRhonda · 17/07/2016 10:28

lottie

But the OP isn't talking about a group of mums who generally help each other out with their DCs in a reciprocal arrangement.

She's talking about picking up someone else's child from school every Thursday for the next four years.

The two scenarios simply aren't comparable.