My dd is wetting herself again, no pain , no other signs of infections. Doctors appointment Monday. I only work two days a week but for those days we have a nanny who comes to look after the children.
Every time I go to the doctors he questions me on why I am so anxious - is anyone harming me at home.
Last time he said "why won't you let me help you?". I feel terrible when I leave.
AIBU to just get our nanny to take her - I feel terrible not being there but I'm not sure my mental state can take another 10 minutes of questioning.
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AIBU?
AIBU to get our nanny to take dd to the doctor because I can't face it?
227 replies
6timesthemess · 16/07/2016 22:58
OP posts:
6timesthehugs ·
17/07/2016 18:42
Thanks noone.
I'm not sure if talking about it here helps becaus I hVe no idea what I am talking about 
fatcathatmat ·
17/07/2016 20:54
Oh Op, 
for you. You've obviously had a really hard time of it and you're obviously trying to do the best possible for your kids. Sometimes it's easier for us not to see what's happening to us, because recognising the control and abuse might mean having to leave. You've been isolated from any possible support, you've got 6 little ones, and I imagine you've been made to feel like you can't survive on your own.
But you can. So many people are there to provide you help- your gp will be linked in with specialists who can help you, or you can speak to womens aid or loads of other people. Just because he didn't beat you up, doesn't mean that rapes don't count or won't be taken seriously. It's unlikely his behaviour has changed long-term, it's only a matter of time before he starts again. That's not your fault.
Women's aid are on 0800 2000 247. I know the women on the helpline, they are all stars, they will listen to you for as long as you need to tell your story.
MonicaLewinskisFlange ·
17/07/2016 22:18
6times I remember your other thread. And what was goimg on at home.Please God I hope he isn't doing that any more to you. From what you say, it has improved, but I'm so hoping it has stopped. I won't "out" you on this thread by mentioning details, but if you prefer me to explain for you to the rest of the posters, I can do, just say. If not, I'll keep schtum.
From what I recall you spoke to health professionals about what was going on, so that is probably why your gp always seems concerned, and rightly so.
The answer to your initial question is easy. You have DD with you and it would not be appropriate to discuss your health matters at her appointment and with her present. Bat back any awkward questions with just that. Then make yourself your own appointment later on.
for you 6times and hoping you really get to work on your happiness.
ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged ·
17/07/2016 22:52
Gosh op, this all sounds so tough. You've had wonderful advice here but I just wanted to add a couple of things - you mentioned a ten minute 'limit' for doctors appointments. It's not a limit; it's an appointment time. If you need more than that your doctor can and will give it to you (unscheduled if needed). If other people have to wait, tough. We all expect to wait at the gps. I've been the two minute "oh yes, definitely mastitis, here's a prescription, bye" two minute appointment and the "oh dear, you're really very sick, everyone else is just going to have to wait while we call an ambulance" patient. Any decent doctor will give you the time you need.
Secondly, you mentioned that you were referred for counselling for your anxiety, but couldn't open up. Maybe try a different counsellor? I was referred for cbt but didn't 'click' with my first therapist. It was tough, but I pulled up my big girl pants and asked to swap and I'm so glad I did. My second therapist was incredible. Your gp sounds great. I bet if you started a talking therapy, he would help ensure you had the right person.
Good luck with everything
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mathanxiety ·
17/07/2016 23:26
6timesthehugs Sun 17-Jul-16 12:47:39
Northern - it wasn't violent it's hard to explain without sounding like a total fool.
You are not a fool, OP.
It may feel excruciatingly humiliating to talk about what is going on or what used to happen, but that is human nature, not an indication that you are a fool. Even if you feel that somehow you let someone abuse you, that is not true either. We all do whatever we feel we need to in order to get through the next ten minutes, if circumstances warrant it. It doesn't mean you are complicit, or a fool, or in any way weak or deserving of contempt if you have done whatever it took, in your situation.
But please, please do not fall prey to the idea that by just sitting tight, not arguing, and seeking to manage situations as they arise you have control here.
Reach out, no matter how small your steps are. Write down what is going on and what was going on if it is too hard to address it verbally. You can hand your doctor a few sheets of paper to read instead of answering questions.
You have friends here.
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