AIBU to get our nanny to take dd to the doctor because I can't face it?

[6timesthemess]

My dd is wetting herself again, no pain , no other signs of infections. Doctors appointment Monday. I only work two days a week but for those days we have a nanny who comes to look after the children.

Every time I go to the doctors he questions me on why I am so anxious - is anyone harming me at home.

Last time he said "why won't you let me help you?". I feel terrible when I leave.

AIBU to just get our nanny to take her - I feel terrible not being there but I'm not sure my mental state can take another 10 minutes of questioning.

[6timesthemess]

Worra she's 5.
Maybe he is a drama queen - I can't imagine why he would see anything worrying . I barely see him the only thing I can think is that there is something written in my records that makes him ask this! Because he seriously doesn't see me often so he must be going on what's in there to remember who I am if that makes sense.

[6timesthemess]

Calliegh my husband tried to force me to abort the baby I was pregnant with, he was emotionally and sexually abusive. However, he was treated and is now ok. He has never harmed me and so bruises seriously are just accidental!.
There is no way my gp wpuld know any of this. And that's why he can't help- there is no longer anything to help with!

[Wolfiefan]

Ok. Trying for the third time to post. Blasted phone!
Let nanny take DD.
Book a separate appt for you. It's not about things at home. If you seem visibly anxious then you need extra help.

[maisiejones]

"He was emotionally and sexually abusive." "He never harmed me." Bit of a contradiction going on there.

[YWurri]

So you're on medication for anxiety, which your GP will know about, and are quite nervy around him. He might know about your dh having the depression, and is genuinely concerned for you. He probably just wants to help you...maybe you should go? Good luck.

[Casmama]

Have you always been anxious op or did t start after your DH started abusing you?
You must now that anxiety in children can contribute to bed wetting so I don't think it is surprising that your GP considers your dd maybe picking up on your anxiety - do you think she is?

[ExasperatedAlmostAlways]

Did you post after the last appointment and you have/had pnd, or am I getting you mixed up?

You must just be coming across anxious (my sister is like that for any kind of gp/dental appointment) and he is picking up on it and not realising it's because of ye appointment you are feeling it?

[Blondeshavemorefun]

if your dd is happy for your nanny to take to doctor then fine

dd may be picking up on your anxiety

she may be tired from school hence bed wetting

many 5yr wet the bed tho unusual if was dry then starts wetting so yes could be an infection so dd needs to be checked out

you need to make an app to see someone about your anxiety, if need be take time off work/get early/late one and see another gp

[GabsAlot]

sorry op how do u mean hes never hurt you but say he used to abuse you

[Chippednailvarnishing]

I think your GP is as sharp as a tack and knows that you need help. Avoiding taking your own child to the doctor because you can't face questions is very telling.

[mathanxiety]

Something is making DD wet herself. It could be something at home or at school. If DD is ok with the idea of the nanny taking her to the doctor, and if the nanny knows her well enough to be able to inform the doctor of anything that is pertinent, then that would be fine imo. The bottom line here is that DD needs a checkup for the wetting.

Book an appointment for yourself - see if you can book two time slots or even three - and if you don't feel you can say what is going on, write it all down.

my husband tried to force me to abort the baby I was pregnant with, he was emotionally and sexually abusive. However, he was treated and is now ok. He has never harmed me and so bruises seriously are just accidental!... And that's why he can't help- there is no longer anything to help with!

All of this is contradictory.

The references you have given are all horrific.
Just because something happened in the past doesn't mean you can or should draw a line under it and get on with life.

Did you ever get screened for PTSD?

There is no shame in seeking help. Don't look on it as an admission of failure.

[CiaoVerona]

Something is making DD wet herself. It could be something at home or at school.
Um, I'm no expert at all, I was under the impression that bed wetting is not unusual she's not that old.

I'm a bit lost about the rest. Did your husband do some type of therapy to address the abuse. The little I know suggests working with abusers takes an awful long time ,with very low success rates.

[6timesthehugs]

Gabs - I mean he has not hit me or caused any bruises etc.

[6timesthehugs]

Ciao - he is a lot better than he was with the depression . He has said that he knows he has been unreasonable with his behaviour and he has tried to be far less demanding .

[Kmoggy]

Does your gp know something we don't? I just mean have you or your DH disclosed anything in the past that could lead him to think this? He is just looking out for your welfare and they are required to ask such questions esp re domestic abuse. I work for a domestic abuse service and feel that he might be linking some dots perhaps from previous visits or something he has picked up on.

[Kmoggy]

Also just because he doesn't physically harm you doesn't mean he isn't abusing you. To be emotionally and sexually abused by your DH is serious op. Does he continue to emotionally abuse you? This can cause more harm than physical stuff tbhbamd maybwell be adding to your anxiety, the fact you are now trying to avoid professionals is alarming for me. It sounds to me that you do need help or some kind of support even if it is someone just to listen to you!

[anotherBadAvatar]

TBH I think it would be a serious red flag to your GP if you're now sending your nanny to appointments instead of going yourself. Your GP will wonder why you're avoiding him/her. I think it's perfectly OK if your nanny takes your child as an emergency, but for a routine appointment like this, I think questions might be asked.

I say this not to scare you more, but if you've gotten to the point where you feel like you need to avoid the GP because they are concerned about you (and it sounds like they have reason to be), then you do need help IMO.

Take care of yourself

[Hereforthebeer]

I confused as this should be alot more simple than it is.

Go an see another doctor. Your daughter is clearly distressed about something and you need to resolve it.
Nannys can take children to doctors for ear infections etc. But mental/anxiety issues are probably best with the parent taking the lead?

You also need to book an appointment for yourself and you may have post traumatic stress or anxiety etc, just because its stopped on his side, doesn't mean you've recovered from it. For your daughters sake do this.

[blueturtle6]

Does doctor know DH was on meds, he probably really does want to help. Tell him the bruises are accidental but you cruise easily, he may check iron levels. Tell him it makes you anxious about dd bed wetting, they are here to help you.

[mathanxiety]

6times, what do you mean by this: 'He has said that he knows he has been unreasonable with his behaviour and he has tried to be far less demanding'?

Far less demanding than what? Can you give some examples?

Did he say this in the course of therapy or in nprivate at home?

What sort of treatment did he get for his depression and was the topic of his abuse of you addressed specifically in separate treatment or in the course of therapy for depression?

[mathanxiety]

I also think that if the nanny only sees DD two days per week, she wouldn't know her health situation (physical or emotional) well enough to be useful at the doctor's office.

So I think you should go.

[6timesthehugs]

I will take her. Dh hasn't been on mess he didn't go to the doctors so the gp will know nothing about the issues.

He spoke to a friend of ours who helped him and he is much better. He still has moods but is a million times better.

I will take dd to the doctors . I don't want to talk about what happened with him it's too embarrassing and it's over now . Also I don't want to ruin our little family by bringing outside people into it.

Life is pretty good at the moment and I just need to focus on that I think.

[mathanxiety]

This does not sound very promising, 6times.

Essentially you are saying your DH was not treated by a medical doctor for depression, or by a qualified therapist for abuse.

I don't want to talk about what happened with him it's too embarrassing and it's over now . Also I don't want to ruin our little family by bringing outside people into it.
This is terribly sad, and I am very worried about you.
Please do not fall into the trap of believing you are in any way in control of the outcome for your family under these circumstances.

You are in a situation where you seem to think you have no options except to stay exactly where you are, hoping things won't get worse. The aim of abuse is to make the victim believe she has no options.

[6timesthehugs]

Math I know that it's not perfect to have had this happen by dh and I have been together a long time (15+ years) and it was only the depression that caused issues. He just changed into a different person. He is not that person anymore.

[carabos]

It's not the people on the outside who are ruining your little family OP...