AIBU to get our nanny to take dd to the doctor because I can't face it?

[6timesthemess]

My dd is wetting herself again, no pain , no other signs of infections. Doctors appointment Monday. I only work two days a week but for those days we have a nanny who comes to look after the children.

Every time I go to the doctors he questions me on why I am so anxious - is anyone harming me at home.

Last time he said "why won't you let me help you?". I feel terrible when I leave.

AIBU to just get our nanny to take her - I feel terrible not being there but I'm not sure my mental state can take another 10 minutes of questioning.

[lifesalongsong]

Bed wetting at 5 isn't unusual and certainly isn't a sign that your DD has any emotional problems. I think it's going to make you more anxious to listen to people who are saying that.

I don't have any experience to comment on your husbands problems but it does sound a bit odd. Was the person he talked to from a church or other religious organisation?

[FeckinCrutches]

OP I remember your post previously about the doctor.
Is it possible your husband told him things when he was being treated?

[RestlessTraveller]

How did your friend 'treat' your DH's depression?

[6timesthehugs]

Life- no our friend is some kind of therapist (sorry not sure exactly what kind ).

He didn't go to the doctor for the depression he HAS been for another problem but I really can't imagine he would have mentioned it because I just can't see how that conversation would go...

[mathanxiety]

Do you know if your DH mentioned his abusive treatment of you to the 'therapist'?

How do you know DH had depression if it wasn't diagnosed by a doctor?

Have you talked to DH at all about any of this and if not why not?

[Noonesfool]

OP I would echo what math said. It is highly unusual for depression (although as he saw no doctor, I don't know how this was diagnosed?) so severe that he emotionally and sexually abused you, would be "cured" with no intervention other than your friend.

It's also pretty unethical for your friend to be treating someone s/he has a personal relationship with, if that are an actual therapist.

[Noonesfool]

Cross post there math

[6timesthehugs]

I just said he had depression because he was very depressed and upset no wanting to do things etc.

I have no idea if mentioned it I think they talked more as friends rather than as a therapy type thing but whatever they talked about he has slowly got better since then

[memyselfandaye]

If never went to the doctor who diagnosed him with depression?

How did he get so much better without seeing a GP and presumably without meds?

Your posts are setting off little alarm bells everywhere tbh.

I'm not suprised your daughter is wetting herself, her Father is an abuser who quite frankly should be on the sex offenders register and her Mum is so anxious she is on medication and can't even take her to the GP.

She will be picking up on the tension at home, and there must be tension, he sexually abused you, even if you think you can move on and live with him, there will be signs that something isn't right.

I also don't think you can excuse what he did to you by saying he was depressed, thousands of people live with depression, thats no excuse for sexual abuse.

[6timesthehugs]

We have talked a lot about it and he has said he knows how awful he was etc and he is pretty understanding about me being nervous about sex etc

[insancerre]

I'm thinking the GP knows more than you think
Its possible your DH has consulted with him and not told you

[JellyAnyDots]

Your GP is right to be concerned.

What are you scared of OP?

[Noonesfool]

When did your anxiety start, OP


This thread may not have gone where you wanted it to - we are all doing what you said you hate your GP doing. But can you see why?

[blueskyinmarch]

You may not have ever been physically harm but i am willing to bet the emotional scars are very obvious and this is what the doctor is picking up. He seems to be a very intuitive doctor and is only looking out for you and you DD's best interests.

I suspect your DD’s bed wetting might have something to do with your anxiety and your DH’s mood plus the emotional\sexual abuse that happened. Children pick up on tensions with the home. I think you need to take DD to the doctor and listen to what he says.

[RosaBee]

Regarding the bed wetting. It is still totally normal at that age and in my experience with my son, no doctor will do anything until 7 when it is classed as an issue so that isn't an issue In itself.
The bed wetting along with the abuse history, your attitude and general way you are describing your situation makes me very worried for you and your children. The gp has also clearly picked up on what everyone here has also. If and when you are ready to deal with things it sounds like your gp could be a good starting point for you. Best of luck.

[6timesthehugs]

I suppose it is possible that dh has spoken to the doctor but I really can't imagine that he would have walked in and said "yeah things are fine apart from the fact I keep raping my wife" . I hope he hasn't tbh .

[Noonesfool]

You need to leave him, OP

[6timesthehugs]

Even if I told the gp which I think would just make me cry then I don't see what he could do about. It really is over now!

[Noonesfool]

He raped you, repeatedly.

You need to leave him.

[RestlessTraveller]

If there was a way I could write this post to everyone else on the thread without you seeing it op this is what I would say...

"We need to encourage her to get her Nanny to take her DD to the GP because hopefully another massive red flag will get the GP to alert social services"

Because that's what needs to happen.

[talksensetome]

My ds and dd both wet the bed until age 7 which is perfectly normal and ths gp wouldn't even start invesitigations until then. However they had never been dry at night.
Was your DD previously dry and now wetting again or has she always wet the bed?

[FeckinCrutches]

Oh 6 this just gets worse

[insancerre]

The gp has seen an abused and anxious wife, a depressed violent and abusive husband and now a child showing signs of anxiety

I know this is not what you want to hear, but is there any chance your dh could now be abusing your dd?
That's what the doctor is probably having to consider

[6timesthehugs]

My dd has always wet the bed she just has been doing it more often she was not dry in the day until a year ago.

My dh is in no way harming the children - even if it thought he could which I don't, he is literally never on his own with them. I do 100% of childcare.

[SemiNormal]

It is possible that the therapist told your GP if he is aware of the rape.

Also I just want to point out that depression does NOT make people rape their partners, stress does NOT make people rape their partners, he made a CHOICE to do that to you OP. I'm sure you think he's a 'nice' man, but 'nice' men don't rape people. You may not like hearing that but it's the truth.

When he was doing that did your child possibly hear you crying/screaming etc? Were you edgy and tearful the next day or for days afterwards? Children can see and hear things, they can pick up on an atmosphere, they are extremely intuitive little beings. You need to face the fact that there may be more problems ahead for you and your child as a result of what your husband has done - I suspect the emotional damage he has caused you will have long lasting effects. It seems to me you're burying your head in the sand and hoping all this nastiness will just disappear.

You say your partner had therapy, did you also have therapy? You seem more concerned about your partners depression than you do for your own emotional well being.

I appreciate you saying that it's all over now and it may well be the fact that it the actions have stopped but the ripple effects of his abuse will still be there for a long, long time.

Out of curiosity, if your partner raped you again tonight what would you do? presume he had depression again and get him 'treated' and go on your merry way? I apologise if that sounds harsh but you really do need to face facts, if not for you then for your child.