Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to not let DP live in filth?

201 replies

PoisonWitch · 14/07/2016 13:37

So DP has lived with me for two years now. Been together for six. He is a loving, kind man who I would like to be with forever but his office drives me mad.

It's my house. I bought it and pay all bills as he can't afford to atm. Business not making enough and he is looking hard for a job. He works from home mostly and is quite busy.

His office is a fucking state. I paid a fair but of money to have the garage converted to a useable room with a window for him. Not just for him as dads value to the house as well.

I don't go in there very often but it's disgusting. He hasn't finished painting it in a year so there are still bits of bare plaster. There is crap everywhere. Every time I go in I ask him to clean it and he says he will but doesn't. He is on a conference today so I blitzed it. I found 9 bowls full of manky old food, over half our teatowels and oven glove (he carried hot plates with them), about a million empty drinks cans and good wrappers on his desk and all over the floor. Socks and some t shirts. Other random shit just lying around.

I think the job for too big for him but he was the same when he was in the spare room. I saw a pizza crust in the floor and told him to pick it up. I told him everytime I went up and it was there over six months.

I now plan to tell him since I have been forced to do it he had no excuse for keeping it horrible. I will throw a tantrum. The mean side of me thinks I'm letting him live here for free so how dare he let my house get in such a state. This will wound him deeply if I say it as he hates not being able to pay his share. He is very proud.

What would you suggest going forwards wise ones?

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 14/07/2016 22:17

I hear echoes

Echoes of the ongoing dialogue I have with my teenage son

You sound like his exasperated mother. How the hell do you conjure up any sexual attraction to a lazy, childish, using twat like this ?

PersianCatLady · 14/07/2016 22:18

I feel like banging my head off a table for you.

I already have done.

MephistoMarley · 14/07/2016 22:22

God, my jaw dropped reading this thread. What do you think having a chat will achieve? He's a pig and always has been. You aren't changing him. Good luck

KatieKaboom · 14/07/2016 22:25

Can you honestly say you are in love with this person?

Backintheday2016 · 14/07/2016 22:29

I was shocked at your description of his office but he drops litter on his side of the bed?! How gross is that! You mean he eats in bed and drops wrappers on the floor? How can you share a bed with him and find him attractive?

PoisonWitch · 14/07/2016 22:31

At the moment not really. Our sex life is not great either atm. The relationship isn't quite dead yet but will be if be doesn't fucking sort himself out.

I think I've been deluding myself about what a big deal this is. It will tear us apart and it will be his fault. I will enable no longer.

OP posts:
PoisonWitch · 14/07/2016 22:33

It's rubbish from his pockets by the bed. Receipts, train tickets and small change mostly with some mugs and drink cans. Twix wrappers but from his pockets I think. Still fucking disgusting. If I can use a him why can't be?

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 14/07/2016 22:35

He just dumps rubbish from his pockets on the floor

And you pick it up

Have you actually ever examined why you do that ? Confused

KatieKaboom · 14/07/2016 22:37

You're only 26. You don't need to be looking after this overgrown schoolboy who is not your responsibility.

What do your family think of him?

Backintheday2016 · 14/07/2016 22:39

I couldn't sleep with rubbish by the bed. I take it the pile would just grow and fester if you didn't clean it up.

MephistoMarley · 14/07/2016 22:40

Do you understand that his treatment of your home is a microcosm of his attitude to you? He literally thinks you are there to pick up his crap. You exist as a repository for the shit he thinks he's too good to deal with. This isn't a small issue, it's the heart of the dynamic between you.

PoisonWitch · 14/07/2016 22:40

I don't pick up his side of the bed. I shout for him to do it when I clean the bedroom. He would never do it without prompting though which is nearly as shit.

OP posts:
PoisonWitch · 14/07/2016 22:44

His bed was just the same in his flat except it was both sides and never got cleaned. I should have realised then but put it down to the very long hours he worked at the time before redundancy.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 14/07/2016 22:44

It is equally as shit. He makes you responsible for it. Even if he reluctantly complies after you are forced into instructing him to clean up after himself.

Like my teenage son. I am the nag, see, who spoils his fun.

That's you that is.

TheUnsullied · 14/07/2016 22:46

It does sound like you're in a relationship with a particularly untidy teenager. I'm a bit surprised you don't have to remind him to do his teeth and change his clothes.

PoisonWitch · 14/07/2016 22:49

Yes you are all correct. One chance he gets but I do not hold high hopes. Sad

OP posts:
KatieKaboom · 14/07/2016 22:54

No one understands why you are giving him this chance.

You're worried that he will not like moving back in with his parents. Why cannot he be expected to lie in the bed he had made? Why do you prize the happiness of someone who treats you like a skivvy and exploits your good nature to his own financial gain?

WellErrr · 14/07/2016 22:55

What they all said ^

WellErrr · 14/07/2016 22:56

Cross posted - I do agree with giving him one last chance.

TheRealAdaLovelace · 14/07/2016 23:10

Honestly I think you should kick him out.
You wash iron and fold his clothes for him? He lives for free in your house?
You have to pick up his mess? He tells lies about getting a job? sorry but it is pure bollocks about the supermarket not employing graduates.
What the fuck is wrong with women that they let men get away with this kind of behaviour?
He is not 'proud' he is a skanky cocklodger.

UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea · 15/07/2016 07:14

OP you are 26, solvent, child-free, a home owner. You have the world at your feet. You have zero responsibility to support another fully functioning adult. Please realise this.

PoisonWitch · 15/07/2016 08:10

He is waiting for a call about a job and should hear today. If he gets it that will go in his favour. If not...

OP posts:
MephistoMarley · 15/07/2016 08:42

If he gets a job he will use it as an excuse to continue being disgusting in the house

BitOutOfPractice · 15/07/2016 08:53

Getting a job will only reduce his interest in improving at home. He will feel even more entitled to treat it like shit in all liklihood

Badders123 · 15/07/2016 09:05

You're only 26!!!???
Jesus
Run for hills and pens some alone and find out what you want NOT what you think you deserve