To find shy people irritating?

[BuntingForSummer]

My younger cousin is very shy and quiet. She has been like this since as long as I have known her.

She hardly ever speaks. It's not just in social gatherings but even when it's just us with my aunt's family.

Times when I have tried to initiate a conversation, I just receive monosyllabic answers or a very brief answer at best. She just sort of sits there listening and watching everyone. It makes me feel very irritated. I mean I can understand being quiet and shy around strangers but we are family ffs! My aunt says she does speak at home but I literally have never seen her hold a conversation longer than a minute.

AIBU to feel irritated by her behaviour? I have never seen anything like it apart from a colleague at work who is also very very quiet but not to such a degree.

YABU people like you is why I don't bother talking anymore.

You're definitely being unreasonable here!

Or perhaps she simply doesn't like you OP

So you get irritated because someone, no matter how much they would like to, just cannot bring themselves to speak in public to bring attention to themselves.

Even to you. Are you that important that someone has to make themselves feel physically sick because you want them to say hello to you?

How bloody selfish can you get?

One of my DCs is a bit shy and I try to encourage her out of it - just because it can look rude to other people. Must be awful to be that way as an adult, though - I'm sure your cousin struggles with it.

And fwiw, being an introvert does not mean that you can't be bothered to engage with others. And it may well be that she simply can't be arsed to make small talk - but that's not really ok, and I'm quite surprised that people think it is.

I think you're confusing being an introvert and shyness. They're not the same thing.

I think you're confusing being an introvert and shyness. They're not the same thing. ah yep, that's my point. Was responding to a pp who suggested introversion as an explanation.

I find people who have the need to fill air irritating. I tend to be quiet around those people.

I may irritate them however I have a lot more quiet head space to run an inner commentary to myself at how self absorbed and boring the air filler is.

I can be like this in the wrong mood and the wrong company. I hate it. I would irritate me, too, and other people like me irritate me, too, because I find it hard, they find it hard and then nobody talks. I much prefer the outgoing types company wise. It's much easier and it brings me out of myself, too.

Poor bloody woman.

You cannot just wake up one day and find you've pupated into a social butterfly, you know.

Just say "hi, nice to see you again, i hope you are well" and leave it at that.

I do think that basic social interaction should be something that all people can and should achieve even shy people, so I don't think YABU.

I can understand in social situations with strangers etc but I am family. Thats why I am struggling to understand. Yes I would say she is an introvert but I am too! It doesn't mean I don't talk to anyone !

My mum and aunt are very close and we (the kids) were brought up together. I am very close to her sister who is the same age as me but have always struggled with her.

Thats why I am struggling to understand.

Have you ever considered the possibility that she simply doesn't like you?

I find gobshites far more irritating than shy people.

I tune gobshites out. People who yak less usually have more to say.

A happy medium is good. People yakking non stop is just as bad as two people sat there saying 'ummmm, sooooo....'

From a formerly very shy person, my first ever

I am very close to her sister who is the same age as me but have always struggled with her.

You don't have to be best friends with everyone.

I find it irritating when shy people won't walk through a door first or make small talk with colleagues or go and ask a shop assistant a question, for instance. I've got no patience for it. Yanbu.

It doesn't really matter that you're family - if she feels uncomfortable then that's that, I'm sure she isn't trying to irritate you!

I have always been shy and have a very large extended family. When I was younger, I loved everybody being together but having to talk about myself genuinely made me panic. I was quite happy just to enjoy the company and thankfully my family were happy with that too...it's better now I'm older and more at ease with myself. Leave her be, OP.

I have a nephew like this, doesnt say much and realised one day it was because he has absolutely no interest in the shite we talk but put him in with a group of student talking about particle physics and he doesn't shut up.

Leave her be, bet she finds you really irritating asking her stupid random questions in an patronisingly obvious try to include/make her join in way.

I can't believe someone has actually described being shy as 'selfish'. Ffs. Being shy isn't a choice people make.

How on earth do shy people make friends?

Actually, some very shy people find it incredibly difficult to make friends and aren't very happy about it. So instead of judging them, perhaps try being friendly and understanding instead.

Both my DDs are shy, one of them painfully so and it worries me incredibly, especially given that our society really doesn't seem geared up to shy, quiet people who seem to think that only loud, confident people are worthwhile.

Just because you're family doesn't mean she should automatically feel more comfortable with you.

YABU. Massively so.

How on earth do shy people make friends?

When they meet people who like and accept them the way they are?