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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To find shy people irritating?

360 replies

BuntingForSummer · 13/07/2016 22:01

My younger cousin is very shy and quiet. She has been like this since as long as I have known her.

She hardly ever speaks. It's not just in social gatherings but even when it's just us with my aunt's family.

Times when I have tried to initiate a conversation, I just receive monosyllabic answers or a very brief answer at best. She just sort of sits there listening and watching everyone. It makes me feel very irritated. I mean I can understand being quiet and shy around strangers but we are family ffs! My aunt says she does speak at home but I literally have never seen her hold a conversation longer than a minute.

AIBU to feel irritated by her behaviour? I have never seen anything like it apart from a colleague at work who is also very very quiet but not to such a degree.

OP posts:
Noonesfool · 13/07/2016 22:02

I don't understand why it bothers you.

originalmavis · 13/07/2016 22:03

I'm sure she is equally irritated by you. Being shy isn't a choice and can be crippling.

usual · 13/07/2016 22:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ShowOfHands · 13/07/2016 22:04

Well aren't you a peach?

Justmuddlingalong · 13/07/2016 22:04

Confused Perhaps she finds you overpowering, senses your irritation and is choosing not to waste time talking to you.

PurpleDaisies · 13/07/2016 22:05

I find loud people irritating.

We're all different. Cut her some slack.

edwinbear · 13/07/2016 22:05

Maybe she just really dislikes you?

Elledouble · 13/07/2016 22:05

Is this a reverse?

RaggyDoll24 · 13/07/2016 22:05

Yes YABU. I'm sure being painfully shy is not a trait she would've chosen for herself.

Acopyofacopy · 13/07/2016 22:05

Justmuddling took the words right out of my mouth.

fastdaytears · 13/07/2016 22:06

Huh? Hmm
Are you for real?
Life would be boring if we were all the same

Fairenuff · 13/07/2016 22:07

Of course YABU. Do you really have to ask?

Sparklingbrook · 13/07/2016 22:07

Being shy is horrible. Just leave her be.

myownprivateidaho · 13/07/2016 22:07

Yanbu. Obviously there's nothing wrong with being naturally shy, but when it means that other people are having to do all the work it is a bit selfish. Being shy doesn't give you a free pass from all social obligations, and doesn't make answering in monosyllables and not asking questions any less rude.

EmpressTomatoKetchup · 13/07/2016 22:08

YABU. Perhaps she is an introvert. or thinks your are an utter bore and can't be fucked to small small talk

marblestatue · 13/07/2016 22:08

YABU. She'll be picking up on your irritation and impatience. The more uncomfortable she feels with you, the less she will open up. Some people are happy to spend time with others without feeling the need for chit-chat. Introversion is as normal as extroversion.

cheapandcheerful · 13/07/2016 22:08

I also find shy people very difficult.
My dh has a friend with a very shy wife who I desperately tried to get to know but it was soooo hard. Even when she was with her dh, whenever I asked her a question she would look to him to answer for her. Fours years later and I still feel like I barely know her. How on earth do shy people make friends?
Disclaimer - I'm not trying to be goady, I am genuinely intrigued. She seems like a nice person and it bothers me that she doesn't feel comfortable talking to me.

LittleMissUpset · 13/07/2016 22:08

Maybe she doesn't speak to you because she is a good judge of character Hmm

There is nothing wrong with being shy! It's not like she's bothering anyone, some people are happy sitting back and watching others taking things in.

Chippednailvarnishing · 13/07/2016 22:09

Sounds more like selective mutism...

Lilybensmum1 · 13/07/2016 22:10

My dd is like this and it's crippling for her, she wishes she could change but she can't , perhaps accept people for who they are rather than being judgemental we are not all the same.

glasgowlass · 13/07/2016 22:10

I find peogle who talk constantly irritating.
Being very shy can be very detrimental.

TwoLittleBlooms · 13/07/2016 22:10

Yes YABU. My dd1 (13) is shy, I mean serious, crippling, anxiety, panic attack inducing shy. My dd1 is not irritating but people like you, overbearing, intolerant, appearing to lack even an ounce of sympathy or empathy are irritating. Any other questions??

Ifonlylovewouldsavetheday · 13/07/2016 22:11

I think it can be crippling if you are shy, but then again, a shy person may also think others are just yack-yacking about nonsense and the effort of trying to join in at the appropriate moment isn't worth it. Live n let live, we're all different

ToadsJustFellFromTheSky · 13/07/2016 22:11

She might have social anxiety.

myownprivateidaho · 13/07/2016 22:11

And fwiw, being an introvert does not mean that you can't be bothered to engage with others. And it may well be that she simply can't be arsed to make small talk - but that's not really ok, and I'm quite surprised that people think it is. It's not ok to rock up to social occasions and then decide you can't be bothered to talk pleasantly to people there.