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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think I'm not a bad parent because my child hasn't learnt to swim?

418 replies

purplefan5 · 13/07/2016 14:48

DS is 7, he doesn't know how to swim and he is still in armbands, is this really so bad? I seem to get the worst looks when we go swimming, etc.

Is it really that bad? He doesn't want to do swimming lessons.. Are you supposed to force them?

OP posts:
CoteDAzur · 14/07/2016 09:47

"Swimming isn't a LIFE skill!... life skills include things such as problem solving and empathy"

So, a skill that can actually save your life isn't a life skill but empathy is? Grin When do you expect empathy to be useful in a life or death situation?

pasanda · 14/07/2016 09:49

OP - you don't say much do you Wink

SnotGoblin · 14/07/2016 09:52

You are wrong Natalia. You need to a be strong swimmer who can swim across a rip to avoid being swept fully out to sea with it. It's hard and weak swimmers won't be able to do it but its' definitely possible and only if you can swim well and confidently.

I'm not trying to be goady. I'm genuinely struggling with people's 'but it's not necessary' approach to life and swimming.

SnotGoblin · 14/07/2016 09:53

And not 'to lifeguard standard'. I've never heard such a thing in my life. Many an Aussie teenager has hauled themselves out of danger by swimming across a rip they should have been clever enough to avoid in the first place but the sea changes rapidly and rips move.

Schwabischeweihnachtskanne · 14/07/2016 09:58

Lots of argument over whether swimming is a life skill because everyone seems to be assuming "Life Skill" is a term which actually has meaning - but it isn't unless everyone actually agrees what it means!

What is a life skill then? Not a list of life skills but what does the term mean?

Stringing "essential" onto the beginning of the phrase changes it - essential is a powerful word but some people seem to be using "essential life skill" and "life skill" as if they are one and the same.

Life Skill - a skill which enables the individual to get the most out of life.
Essential Life Skill - a skill without which the individual cannot live independently.

Swimming would therefore be a Life Skill, but not an Essential Life Skill.

I made the definitions up just now though, so they are obviously not "right" or "official" - and perhaps there are better definitions.

Either way the thread would be a lot less circular and pointless if everyone could/ would agree what they mean by Life Skill before they start arguing about whether or not swimming is one!

NataliaOsipova · 14/07/2016 09:59

SnotGoblin Not trying to be goady either - but I don't know what a rip is! I hate the beach and would never go and swim in the sea (very rarely in a pool either - not my thing!). So I'm actually more likely to get struck by lightning than require any high level swimming skills. It depends on your lifestyle. I grant you, I may be unfortunate enough to slip and fall into, say, a canal, but then I'd be able to stay afloat until someone hoiked me out! Of course, if your interests as a family are water based, then you would require (and want your children to have) a higher level of competence.

Greengager · 14/07/2016 10:29

My son is largely over this now at six but when we started swimming lessons last year he was very nervous and reluctant I really had to force him to go. I really felt it was right to do this. Not being able to swim is far too dagerous and not an option.

Dutchcourage · 14/07/2016 10:31

mumsnet and the world is full of unhappy tiny children going to years of expensive swimming lessons and not getting anywhere. There are lots on this thread

Ha ha ha ha ha. You really have no idea apart from another one of your one sided views and MN certainly does not represent the world - Jesus! 😂

Your assuming that 'most' parents can swim or have the inclination to even want to get in the water themselves. How lucky you are that your kids listen to instructions in the water when in reality most kids just want to splash about and have fun with mum or dad.

So what if a child can float on there back, whst then? What if they have fallen in a body of water that is moving? Are they supposed to float down the river, canal ect.. Do you really expect the water to be that still they can do a perfect star shape till help arrives? What if there are no adults about? We teach children not to enter the water to rescue anybody but to go and get help. What are they going to do till help gets there?

Your assuming that children get in to danger in still water eg.. A lovely still warm clean pool. They don't always. Have you ever swam in the sea against the tide??

Just because you managed to teach your child how to float why on earth do you expect others to be able to do the same. You really are so single minded and I can't take your posts seriously any more Grin

BertrandRussell · 14/07/2016 10:40

"Your assuming that children get in to danger in still water eg.. A lovely still warm clean pool. They don't always. Have you ever swam in the sea against the tide??"

No I'm not assuming that at all. The people who think that being able to swim in a swimming pool will make their children safer in a real life situation are. "Oh, he'll be fine- he can swim"

fusionconfusion · 14/07/2016 10:44

Empathy or perspective taking might well save your life in any number of situations where sensitivity to others emotional states enables you to choose wise courses of action where confronted with volatile or emotionally unstable people.

Poorly developed prosocial skills are one reason why individuals abused or neglected as children who have not learned empathy and perspective taking (which are two sides pg the same coin) through modelling are infinitely more at risk from being revictimised including rape, domestic violence and other violent crime. If your skills in these areas aren't robust you may well misread intentions in ways that place you in danger. It ses a paradox but there's a lot of quality research on it.

Dutchcourage · 14/07/2016 10:49

who are these people?
Are you talking about children that can swim 5,10,25,50,100 and so on?

Or kids and adults that do open water swimming?

Or people that can just float on their back?

Who are you taking about?

Dutchcourage · 14/07/2016 10:52

fusion wtf are you taking about?

Well that my cue to leave leave this thread Confused

NavyandWhite · 14/07/2016 10:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

grannytomine · 14/07/2016 10:57

Two of mine were swimmers before they started school, one learned at 5ish. One was a very reluctant swimmer. I don't think it helps to force very little ones, personal opinion, but at 7 we decided to tackle the non swimming and enrolled him on a holiday course. He had a lesson every morning, the teacher was in the pool with a small group of children. It was a one week course but we enrolled him for 3 weeks. Week 1, he was crying and clinging to teacher, by the end of week 2 he was doggy paddling, week 3 he won the award for "Most Improved" swimmer. I'm not sure if the teacher gave him the award to get rid of us but by then he could swim a width of doggie paddle, float on his back and kick his feet but not move his arms. Don't know if this would be suitable for you but we found it very effective.

grannytomine · 14/07/2016 11:00

Just wanted to add that we live within walking distance of a beach so not being able to swim or be confident in water is maybe more of an issue here. At senior school loads of their out of school time seems to involve meeting at the beach.

Toxicity · 14/07/2016 11:01

This is getting surreal!

JeanGenie23 · 14/07/2016 11:07

I don't think it's a good idea to force any child to do anything. As I said up thread my little one loves the water already, but if she didn't then I wouldn't pressure her to swim, even though we do spend a lot of time near the beach. I would try other ways to get her interested, if that didn't work I would put my energy into explaining safety around water until she was ready for lessons

Rhaegal · 14/07/2016 11:07

Economics make a massive difference unfortunately

yep.

We managed 12 months for eldest at 4 but she didn't make massive progress but the lesson payment as one thing the expense of busses to the pool was more than that on top. Couldn't get there on time walking at that point in time.

Did week intensive lesson for older to in summer - made some progress but had the time to walk in and back.

Best place to make progress was with swimming club in that area - only did lesson Sunday night when busses had stopped - meant taxi or 1 half walk after 7.30 pm with young kids at school Monday. Couldn't quite swing the taxi costs and swim costs.

School did half a term lessons in yr 3 and that was it.

Can't take 3 children into pool with me - can't afford childcare so can take two - but in a few years when oldest is 13 will be able to. Though from Sep she might be old enough to be left at home while take younger two.

Since moved and there is a pool 15 minutes away easily walk-able - can just afford lessons for all three though it's very tight and I might not be able to for long.

Being able to afford lessons was hard - but in our case being able to afford transport to the pool as well was an issue.

VioletBam · 14/07/2016 11:10

Cote swimming is a useful skill but it's not going to seriously affect your life if you can or can't do it.

If I can show empathy, problem solve etc then that will affect my life.

Having no empathy would make me very unpopular. A lack of problem solving skills would make life terrible in general....swimming? Meh.

JeanGenie23 · 14/07/2016 11:11

Yes I agree with violet, her post said everything mine didn't!!

BathshebaDarkstone · 14/07/2016 11:13

DD 8.10 and DS 4.11 can't swim as lessons are after school and the distance to the nearest pool would mean getting home far too late on a school night. Apparently they get lessons with school in Yr 5. Where did Saturday morning swimming lessons go?

NavyandWhite · 14/07/2016 11:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SnotGoblin · 14/07/2016 11:17

I'm off to set up a lucrative chain of Empathy Schools to cash in now before the market hots up.

AnecdotalEvidence · 14/07/2016 11:34

You don't need to send your child to swimming lessons for them to learn to swim, just take them swimming yourself regularly and they will get the hang of it. Don't expect miracles from the swimming lessons they get at school. Less than 1 hour per week for a school year isn't that great.

puzzledbyadream · 14/07/2016 11:58

I have dyspraxia. I taught myself to swim at 7 despite going swimming from birth. My sister who is 3 years younger taught herself to swim before I managed it. The point is though, that I did learn and despite not being the most stylish or fastest swimmer, I can knock out 40 lengths of varying strokes and swim in open water.

I had a crash course of lessons during a half term that were very cheap, my mum couldn't afford for us to have normal lessons. I vaguely remember being in "beginner plus" at the age of 8 and it was very helpful. I think if you can afford it a very gentle 1 to 1 teacher might work. Also agree about swimming with a woggle.