to think I'm not a bad parent because my child hasn't learnt to swim?

[purplefan5]

DS is 7, he doesn't know how to swim and he is still in armbands, is this really so bad? I seem to get the worst looks when we go swimming, etc.

Is it really that bad? He doesn't want to do swimming lessons.. Are you supposed to force them?

"But how will getting him lessons help? When he refuses to remove arm bands"

Swimming is taught not with arm bands but with belts which leave the arms free to swim and also have removable floats. Teacher removes the floats one by one as the child gets better/stronger in the water.

My DD is nearly 13 and not a strong swimmer. She suffered a lot with ear infections till age 4 when she had grommets and occasionally after that. She hasn't had an ear infection for about 2 years but she associates getting her ears wet with pain. She wears ear plugs in the shower. The only lessons she's had were 9 lessons with school in year 5. She is now happy to go in the water as long as she can touch the bottom and enjoys splashing about but still not keen to go out of her depth or jump in. I think the furthest she's ever swum is about 15 metres. She wears an ear band for swimming but it's not something we do often as a family as we don't have a lot of spare time and prefer to go for bike rides or walks etc

I'm crap at swimming despite many lessons as a child (two of my four schools had their own pools). I hate it and would never choose to go swimming for pleasure.

But ... I spent several years pursuing water sports (rowing, canoeing, sailing) for which you have to be capable of saving your own life, so swimming 50m in clothes, treading water for a few minutes etc. If I couldn't swim at all I wouldn't have been able to take place, and I wouldn't have met my now-husband.

We now live in a kind of wet place, near the congruence of two rivers and with lots of streams and small lakes and ponds and so on. Here being able to swim enough to save your own life is fairly important and the schools mostly swim from age 7 (once a week for a 13-week term per year until they have a reasonable competence). It is certainly an expense we've prioritised over other things such as foreign holidays.

DS1 did have council lessons but it was £4 a time in such a big group he made no progress for a year. We made the decision to swap to one-to-one at an eye-watering £14 per half-hour session and he has really come on.

I don't think swimming is as non-negotiable as maybe reading or something, but it's certainly as useful as riding a bike (disabilities having been taken into account) so I'm baffled by anyone saying it's not a useful skill.

all mine started in the pool from as soon as possible, around 10weeks old for all of them, and I taught them to swim (I swam competitively in my teens) my 7year old can swim huge distances and they all love the water

it's an essential life skill, sorry but I'd enforce lessons, I saw them as essential as I'd rather my kids don't drown :/

I just want to give my opinion on this as I learnt to swim very late in childhood, probably around the same age as your son.. Maybe even a tad bit later.

It was extremely embarrassing for me, my dad NEVER took me swimming. When I started a new school that had their own swimming pool, I remember the feeling of dread run across me. ALL of the kids took the piss out of me, and I felt ashamed. however, the swimming teacher persevered and made me swim and I learnt to swim within a few weeks of starting that school. I was much happier after that...
So my point is, your son is fearful of swimming and is probably worrying about the possibility of drowning. You should start swimming lessons now, but be gentle and praise him. Take him to do it where there aren't other children watching and putting pressure on him, and he will probably gain confidence very quickly.

Some people can genuinely not afford to take their kids swimming and certainly can't afford the ridiculously priced swimming lessons. Especially when they're bloody useless anyway

It's a really useful skill but a child not being able to swim is not the be all and end all. I can't help but feel that all this horror at someone not being able to swim is a bit OTT .

We live in California close to the ocean and where many people have pools so it is non-negotiable for my kids. My younger son does a water sport so I still make him do a month of lessons of some variety of their choice (e.g. swim lessons, swim team, water polo, diving, junior lifeguards) once a year. My rule was they had to swim for at least a month a year (or a week summer class) until they could strongly swim for long distances and also in open water and then they could quit . I didn't care so much about strokes, more strength and 'sink ability'.

One of my kids took to it much easier than the other but they both learned in their own time, I took both of them several times a week as toddlers and during primary school we tried (but didn't always succeed) for once a week. We didn't do armbands at all but we did do noodles and kickboards. Until they were school age we didn't really do formal lessons, it was more playing in the water, pushing off the wall, going with friends and jumping in and blowing bubbles, 'crab walking' along the wall and sitting/lying on mum and dad's back while we swam around. My aim was to get them comfortable under and in the water. Most of the time they were in the shallow end bouncing around and until they were older we always got in with them and usually tried to invite a friend.

I was a swimming teacher so obviously didn't use armbands in lessons.
My own DC and DGC all had armbands so they could enjoy being in the pool and have fun. Learned to kick doing doggy paddle then learned to use arms. Armbands off while trying to swim, armbands straight back on after for fun time. That also teaches them to have respect for being in deep water. They could all swim (albeit doggy paddle) by aged 4. All became VG swimmers which meant they could do fun water sports like surfing.
Youngest DGC (5 and 8yo) still have lessons at local pool. They don't love them but they just do it. We pay £20 monthly and that's at an International pool. Swimming is a life skill.
I was terrified of water, sea and pools, when I was a kid and my mother got so fed up with my histrionics that she made me have lessons. One of the few things I thank her for

Neither of my DC swim and they are both adults now. both of them are allergic to cholorine, one desperately, the other not so badly. There were no swimming lessons with the schools they went to.

I was 10 before I could swim confidently and I wouldn't say I was a great swimmer. I enjoy splashing about in a pool, as does DD2, but she has never got her confidence and the itching drives her insane, regardless of what she does to protect her skin before and after.

Not got time to read all but just pointing out,if it's not been done already, it's a requirement when leaving primary school that all children can swim 25m so you need to consider the effects of sending them swimming with school and being in the minority & whether or not they're resilient enough to cope with not being able to in front of their friends. If they are then no worries,but if not then you need to find a way somehow!

My three have no choice in swimming lessons. None have them have had float suits or armbands either as I feel they give a false sense of safety

Can you get private lessons where he doesnt learn how to swim but starts with playing in the shallow pool with a friend and a professional present? Maybe with a good teacher he will get more relaxed about water and eases into swimming. Maybe he needs to do this in babysteps. A very relaxt method where the teacher keeps him in his comfortzone for a long time might help with his angst. They are the professionals and should be able to help.

You are not a bad parent but I would try to do something about it, even if it takes a long time. Just because it helps against drowning. His age is not important, he can take his time.

IMO learning to swim is an essential life skill, I've always taken my daughter and signed up up for proper lessons once she was old enough. She actually wanted dance lessons, but I just thought that ballet wouldn't be much use if one of her mates decided to shove her in a canal or something for a laugh

When I was 8 I saved a boy from drowning - he was about 10, and was cycling with his friends in the park. One of them bumped into him and he veered off and crashed into the boating pond. He couldn't swim and neither of his friends could so they couldn't help him. If I hadn't been there he probably would have drowned. I was younger than them but luckily a very strong swimmer because even though I hated the water with a passion, my grandad insisted I learn. And he insisted I learn after he almost died at Dunkirk because he couldn't swim out to the boats. He insisted all his children and grandchildren had to learn as young as possible and he was right.

it's a requirement when leaving primary school that all children can swim 25m

It is? Weird as my ds1 left primary school a year ago despite not being able to swim at all. Let alone 25 m.

I forced both of my two to go even when they didn't want to and they started at age 5. My son hated it so much in the beginning that I ended up sitting at the poolside for the first few weeks until he got some confidence as he'd refuse to get in the water. I also took him swimming myself some weekends to help boost his confidence too.

With the cost of lessons though I can why many kids don't learn to swim. I pay about £70 per term upfront per child.

MrsHath, we are currently £18 per 30 minute session for ds1. Central Scotland, council pool. Makes my eyes water! Thankfully just ds1 in lessons, dd in swimming club £40 a month for 6 hours a week and ds2 is too young so I just take him once a week but then he will start next year. not looking forward to it lol

As OP said she takes her DS swimming, I think it is a skill he needs to learn.

My experience with my DS was he was scared of water from a baby at bath time. He didn't like water in his face. He did go swimming but he'd cry hysterically if splashed in the face or went under water. So we agreed together (or I told him and he got used to the idea) that he'd have lessons at 5years old. I also spoke to a swim teacher who said they've seen so many children scared of water and reassured me DS would be able to do the lessons. A year later and he could swim! And he was fine in the first few lessons, apprehensive but ok. We were given tasks to do in the bath to build confidence.

As your DS is a bit older, it would be fair to talk to him about his fears and see if he could agree to some lessons, also find a swim teacher with experience with dealing with his fears. I wouldn't want to leave it until he decides he wants to swim, I would try and encourage him to start now with lessons as it is easier when they're younger. If you don't have the money for weekly lessons, going to training pools and floating around with pool noodles is probably the way to go.

To save your life you need to learn to turn on your back and float. If swimming lessons focuses on this genuinely life saving skill instead of concentrating on different strokes (one poster was talking about butterfly and tumble turns ffs) I might be convinced they are more than a money maker/parent guilt inducer.

It's essential

I would like it to potty training in that lots of children get scared of going on the potty/toilet.. But parents don't say oh we will leave that do they? They keep encouraging and encouraging because they know it's what the child needs

I doubt that butterfly or tumble turns are taught in any beginners class. My daughter learnt to float on her back at three years old in the pre school class.

In our area butterfly is taught in stage 3 and tumble turns are taught in stage 5. The reason for teaching these things is to avoid boredom setting in and these extras improve confidence in the water. A child who had passed stage 4 can swim, but the later stages focus on being able to swim well with efficient technique. Dd is learning to swim the strokes to ASA standards, developing strength and stamina.

I have higher than expectations of dd than just to be able float on her back.

My biggest parenting fail - none of my three can swim well and the youngest is 11.

12y old ds can't swim and is scared of trying.

I am now throwing a whole load of cash at it to remedy the problem. Boys are having one to one lessons and make more progress in a week than they did in a term in group swimming.

Took my daughter to swimming lessons from age three, not long after she went fishing with grandad and fell in the pond. She instinctively flipped over and was able to float on her back till grandad fished her out. If she hadn't done swimming lessons she wouldn't have been able to do this. Swimming lessons are non negotiable and incredibly important.

My mother is 64. She can't swim. A huge number of women and men of her generation can't in this country (not UK) as there were no swimming pools and there are many landlocked areas. I fail to see how it is a life skill unless you live in close proximity to large bodies of water?

And I was 11 when I learned (to doggy paddle) and 19 before I learned to swim with my head under water. I spent most of my childhood in lakes and at the sea and lo and behold here I am.. ALIVE!! What a lot of stuff and nonsense and scaremongering.