to think I'm not a bad parent because my child hasn't learnt to swim?

[purplefan5]

DS is 7, he doesn't know how to swim and he is still in armbands, is this really so bad? I seem to get the worst looks when we go swimming, etc.

Is it really that bad? He doesn't want to do swimming lessons.. Are you supposed to force them?

[rhetorician]

My DD is 7 and can't really swim. She doesn't use armbands and I have spent €100s on lessons at this point (since pre school). I decided to give it a rest for a few months as it was getting counterproductive and not good for her confidence. She is dyspraxic and no one seems able to teach her . My 4yo can swim quite well, never having had a lesson at all. You are not a bad parent, but I feel quite anxious about the fact that DD1 can't swim.

[ThumbWitchesAbroad]

littlemiss - but you say your son can swim well enough to get himself out of trouble and have fun in the water - that's better than many, so he's done well there!
And in all honesty, that would be my base line if my children hated swimming - that they could swim well enough to get themselves out of trouble. I'm not remotely fussed about them knowing all the strokes, being able to swim huge distances etc.; but I NEED them to be able to get to the side of the pool if they fall in, or to be able to stay afloat if they fall in somewhere other than a pool.
No need to take it further with your DS - he has the basic skills he (IMO) would need.

[robinia]

I found some research. It makes for interesting reading. Some quite varied findings as a result of the different populations studied.
www.health.ny.gov/environmental/outdoors/swimming/docs/drowning_statistics.pdf pg.19
www.worldconferenceondrowningprevention2011.org/SiteMedia/w3svc1092/Uploads/Documents/WCDP2011_Swim&WS_Hindmarch_p222_Abstract.pdf
www.sta.co.uk/news/2014/07/16/more-than-half-of-uk-swimmers-come-up-short-in-water-lifesaving-skills-test/
<a class="break-all" href="https://www.nih.gov/news-events/news-releases/swimming-lessons-do-not-increase-drowning-risk-young-childrenswimsafe.org/drowning/drowning-data/" rel="nofollow noindex" target="_blank">www.nih.gov/news-events/news-releases/swimming-lessons-do-not-increase-drowning-risk-young-childrenswimsafe.org/drowning/drowning-data/

[Purplepixiedust]

My son is 9 and only just learned to swim properly. He has his 30 m badge and now needs to work on his stamina. He has been doing 1:1 lessons since November and he has come on so much. We are now taking a break from lessons over the summer with a view to practicing as a family.

I sympathise OP if you say your son doesn't want to do lessons. It is not so easy to force them as many suggest. We did puddle ducks together when DS was 4 -all good. Booked him group lessons at the local pool age 5 or 6 and he hated it. We did about 4 sessions and gave up. He then had 1:1 lessons which he was ok with to get him to stage 2 when we tried the group lessons again. Nothing the group teacher or his 1:1 teacher could do to peel him (sobbing) from the pool side and no amount of bribery or persuasion from me either. He then wouldn't go back to 1;1s there as he was embarrassed!

We took a break and age 7 booked 1:1s at a private pool. First lesson great, second lesson great, third lesson complete wobble but got him in. Fourth lesson no chance. He couldn't explain what was bothering him but he wouldn't go so we gave up. By this time he was 7. We took him ourselves both before and after all this and he loves going with us. He has never been scared to put his face in or jump in. We decided to leave the lessons for a bit.

Age 9 he agreed to try again 1:1 lessons at the private pool. He was ready and embraced it. He has enjoyed his lessons and we are so happy with his progress.

He goes to a large primary and they do swimming lessons in year 5 which he will start in September. He didn't want to be one of the few who couldn't swim at all and I hope by the end of the summer he can do 50m. That was a good incentive for him to learn.

Re arm bands, I am not a fan. Stay where he can put his feet down when you take him and get a woggle/noodle. They are fab (lots of fun) and really help. See if he would be happy to do 1:1 lessons. They are much more expensive but think of the money you have saved with him starting late. I am hoping DS will start group lessons with his school friends in due course but so long as he can confidently do a couple of lengths I am happy. I do think it is important to try whatever you can to get him swimming but no you are not a bad mum because he can't do it yet 😊

[thebestfurchinchilla]

I learnt at 9 through school lessons. I am a strong swimmer. Hardly ever went with my parents. I don't remember my mum stressing about it or anyone else for that matter. Avoid trial by MN.

[treaclesoda]

I don't know very many seven year olds who can swim, I'm amazed at all this angst about it. I know I keep banging on about this but where I live you can't even get swimming lessons for kids until they reach the age of 7. I would have thought that if it was considered essential to safety, they would offer them at a younger age?

I do think swimming is a good thing to be able to do, and mine will learn to swim, but I don't think the actual swimming is the important thing, I think the ability to be in water without panic is the important factor for safety. Also, a lot of drowning incidents don't have anything to do with the ability to swim - even adults sometimes drown in the bath for example, through falling asleep or losing conciousness and slipping into the water. So statistics saying X people drown every year don't necessarily translate into X people drown every year because they can't swim.

[bigbuttons]

Says common sense.

[thebestfurchinchilla]

he should be swimming by now unless you have a valid reason ie can't afford it.

Says who?

[MerchantofVenice]

balence49 it sounds like you hope she does fall in a canal or river.

[shutupandshop]

No not a bad parent but he should be swimming by now unless you have a valid reason ie can't afford it.

[pollymere]

School have mandatory swimming lessons in Year 4 as the vast majority can't swim properly by then. Hope that reassures you!

[GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER]

I do think it's best to start as young as poss, since they are less likely to be fearful.
I was v lucky when mine were small in that we were living in a middle eastern desert with nothing to do but go to the pool - both of mine were completely at home in the water by two and a half or even younger. They swam mostly underwater, a bit like tadpoles, and easily by 3 would be jumping off diving boards and going to the bottom of the deep end to pick up coins. But proper strokes and lessons came much later, maybe at 6 ish, by which time they were more than ready.

Both dds still love the water and the elder started taking her wee one 'swimming' at 6 weeks. I think the thing with very little ones is to keep it fun - warm water essential! - and not worry too much about 'learning properly' until they're quite a bit older. The important thing IMO is to be happy in the water and enjoy it, but of course this approach needs a parent who is also happy in the water and can swim well enough to be there and encourage them.

[lovemyway]

Definitely don't force him to have lessons. Just go regularly as a family, buy a float/noodle and build his confidence in water and have fun. I rarely went swimming as a child, learnt at school around age 9. Went swimming with a friend and no adults from age 11.

[thebestfurchinchilla]

I doubt anyone is giving you dirty looks. Primary school take children swimming in year 3/4 and sometimes later. I learnt at 9 with school. With my 2, I took them both to lessons before the school ones started to build confidence ad they both learnt to swim there.
Stop worrying what other people think but do think about your own child's confidence and safety in water. If you make family swimming a positive thing , he will want to learn and soon will.

[MariposaUno]

Don't feel bad, your dc will learn at there own pace,.I had some lessons in school but outside of that was never taken to swimming and if I did go it was unsupervised with a friend. (Do kids still do that these days?)
I knew/learned my limits and learned to swim at my own pace. Saying that I don't go swimming as an adult.
I don't really get the life skill part ducks it's only really necessary imo if you are going to deliberately come into contact with water frequently in your life.

My dd is 6 I'm taking her swimming over the holiday, swimming should be fun first imo.

[balence49]

There's only one child in my DDs class who can't swim. They are year 4. So 8/9. The one who can't swim apparently refuses to even get in the water and is usually in hysterics if she makes it in the pool. Same child that has many private dance/drama/singing/violin lessons. To me she would be doing the swimming before any of them happened. She is a very over confident child who likes to pick on other children for not having things she has. There are lots of rivers and canals locally and I only hope she never falls in as the dancing lessons are not going to help her then!

[namechangingagainagain]

haven't read all 17 pages!

However try googling uswim for some free online lessons.

My opinion is that floating and swimming are useful skills but swimming lessons themselves are a middle class badge of honour which are costly and can terrify a nervous child.

So far I've taught 3 to swim and working on 4th 2 1/2- he can float but not swimyet.
I grew up abroad and taught myself..... I find length swimming a bit tedious but am confident swimming in the sea/ around water

[squeezedatbothends]

It might one day save his life, but many people can't afford the lessons before they start to learn at school, so he's really not alone. He should get lessons at school and when he does, the best thing you can do is to take him swimming lots if you can afford it, to practice and get his confidence up. You're not a bad parent.

[SpaceDinosaur]

[Chippednailvarnishing]

But Bank can you swim?

[Bankyamy]

I have recently applied for a transfer to another department, is basically a desk job but i have to work on my own from 21.00 to 08.00. I recently fell pregnant. Am only 6weeks gone, i havent told my employer yet but am afraid they wont proceed with with the transfer if they know am pregs or probably transfer me back to my old department. I like where am been transfered to and dont mind lone working. I dont know what to do.

[Schwabischeweihnachtskanne]

I don't know what the ASA standards are, might look them up :o

I did the weekly swimming lessons as a kid in the UK but you can't really find that locally - most children (in fact I'd go so far as to say every childof my immediate acquaintance, though unless there are subsidies available probably not every child in the area as the courses cost 140-180€ ) do the intensive small group courses so that they have the basics (the sea horse 25 meter plus jumping in and retrieving a diving ring badge is almost a milestone/ right of passage). After that children either join the lifeguard association and take their swimming very seriously (economical way to swim very regularly and receive lessons/ training and compete in galas but an absolutely huge commitment multiple times a week year 'round) or just swim without more lessons and maybe take occassional one off 5 week"crawl course" or "snorkeling course" in the summer holidays ...

In some ways the weekly swimming lessons UK style would be good - we don't live close enough to a pool that's open to the public year round though so spend a lot of the summer at an open air pool.

Schools in our immediate area don't do swimming til secondary - but the secondary schools have their own pool which they share with the lifeguard association.

Amusingly our primary school airily instructs parents at the first parents info evening that they must ensure their child can swim 50 metres by the end of year 2 as they are taken to do a timed lap of the pool as part of end of year sports, but offers not one lesson before hand!

[Mov1ngOn]

Wow they sound brilliant!!

Usually it's 9monthsish for each asa standard here which I think is usual. She's 7 and swims all strokes well now so she's got there in the end. Seems average standard for the area.

[Schwabischeweihnachtskanne]

Mov1ing all 3 of my kids have done a sort of semi intensive short course in a group of 4 at age 5 (actually DD was 4.5 but her friend's mum bookedup the whole group for 4 friends of whom dd was the youngest so the teacher waived the minimum age 5 requirement). Every child on all 3 courses has been swimming a bit unaided by the end of 10 lessons except my DC3! DD could do 25 meters and retrieve a ring from shoulder depth water and jump in, which is what is required for a little "sea horse" badge most kids here do. DC2 didn't enjoy his lessons and didn't get to "sea horse" standard by the end but could do a width and was very confident under water, and it was enough of a basis to then make progress just by going swimming - he loved retrieving diving toys from deep water and doing somersaults into the water and swimming distances came by itself later. DS2 still needs his swim belt though - it is a confidence thing in some way, though he's perfectly confident in other contexts (happy and focused at his martial art classes and football training) ... It's something about swimming I guess!

[BeaverLasVegas]

Get a Swim Fin!
They look really cool, and because they go round a child's back, they are better (in my opinion) to armbands or noodles.
I agree that swimming is essential, but don't make your child anxious - the most important thing at this stage is to not be afraid of the water, and then hopefully technique will follow.
They do start school swimming lessons in Year 3, but the chances of learning any swimming this way are pretty slim - most kids know how to swim already by this time. So if you can keep taking your child to the pool as much as possible, even if to just a 'fun' pool with slides etc, then at least their confidence will build up.
Also, shop around for private swimming lessons - my son had one teacher to 10 children with one group, and now goes to a different school where there are 2 teachers for 8-10 children.
Good luck!