to think I'm not a bad parent because my child hasn't learnt to swim?

[purplefan5]

DS is 7, he doesn't know how to swim and he is still in armbands, is this really so bad? I seem to get the worst looks when we go swimming, etc.

Is it really that bad? He doesn't want to do swimming lessons.. Are you supposed to force them?

[Housemum]

Glad mumsnet wasn't around when I was a child, my mum would have been flamed! I do think that nowadays it is easier to get children to learn to swim, so unless OP is in a rural area with limited transport it's possible to take lessons as long as you can afford them. Where I grew up, the only lessons were in a nearby town at 4.30, but getting the bus straight after school would still have got me there too late (Mum doesn't drive) - so I was in armbands until about 10 when they no longer fitted, and didn't work out how to swim until I was 13!

[Daddymcdadface]

As said, get him a noodle makes it so much easier to get them to learn. It's not about learning it's a game if you have one

[SpaceDinosaur]

There's a lovely thread in AIBU from a poor mum who is generously taking her son's friend on the family holiday to a water park resort in Spain.

Boys are 10

Friend's Mum casually didn't mention that her child wasn't able to swim until today.
And the OP naturally presumed that the child could swim
BECAUSE THAT'S NORMAL!

But don't worry, I'm sure he can be empathetic.

[EatsShitAndLeaves]

It's late and I'll confess I haven't read the full thread.

In all honesty I can't imagine why you wouldn't prioritise swimming as a key skill.

My DS didn't "take" to swimming that well. But we (me and DH) persevered. He had swimming lessons at primary (school has its own pool) and we paid for extra lessons.

The real breakthrough for us though was summer holidays and making them "water" focused and fun.

It was quite difficult at first but as he saw the rest of the family happy in the water his view changed.

At 12 now - he is the best swimmer in the family.

I do have sympathy for you, but TBH I do think that swimming is a life skill and whilst there are worst parental failings than not teaching your child to swim it's something you should make a priority.

[FeckinCrutches]

How nice you could afford private lessons
And how nice you don't have a child that is terrified, to the point of being ill, scared of water.

[SpaceDinosaur]

Is your child terrified of the bath crutches?

[robinia]

The life skill you need there is not putting yourself in stupidly dangerous situations.

^^ This.
You can teach your child to swim. Or you can teach them to avoid situations where the need to swim is advisable.
I'd be interested to see the statistics on drownings of those who can swim compared to those who can't.
Apparently 40%of British children can't swim - www.telegraph.co.uk/women/mother-tongue/9650491/Nearly-half-of-British-children-cant-swim-and-its-their-parents-fault.html

[ReallyTired]

Having a seven year old who can swim is partly luck. Ds was banned from swimming between the ages of three and seven by an ent surgeon. He had private lessons because group lessons were not appriopiate for a child with hearing aids.

Private lessons are blisteringly expensive. Even group lessons are not that cheap. Our sports centre only does private lessons for children with special needs. The waiting list for group lessons is currently closed. Our council sports centre charges roughly £85 for 13 weeks for group lessons. You have to start stupidly young to get a place. The closing of pools and increasing population means there aren't enough places where children can learn to swim.

I feel that councils need to plan provision for swimming lessons. Is it really necessary or tight to offer swimming lessons up to stage 10 when a child is a proficient swimmer after stage 7. Should pool space be taken up by those wanting to swim a mile in lesson time when there are children who cannot get a place for stage 1? Our council used to subsidize places for low income families, but cuts and greed means they charge what the market will bare.

[FeckinCrutches]

Dinosaur my child isn't afraid of water but many on this thread have said their children are afraid. And you can't possibly compare a bath to a large swimming pool

[ToastByTheCoast]

Of course you are not a bad parent, we all have different circumstances and priorities at different times. But the fact that you're asking this question shows that the time has probably come to tackle this. Personally I don't think it can wait this long. My 4 year old slipped into a lake at a tourist spot on a family day out....he was hauled out but less panicky due to having some water confidence from swimming.

Agree lessons can be really expensive. Some pools have local community swimming clubs that rent the pool at certain times and offer cheaper lessons. Ours trains parents as qualified swimming coaches too. Mine have learnt to swim this way, no pressure, non competitive club and weekly swimming right through primary age and into secondary. It might be worth ringing several pools or asking around to check if there is anything similar near you.

[Galdos]

I never learned to swim as a kid and had no lessons from anyone. However, I spent a fair bit of time acclimatising to swimming pools by splashing about in the shallow end as a kid. There were no armbands in them days. In my late 20s I decided to swim, and taught myself, and in my 30s and 40s was swimming three miles a week (VERY boring). I have never got the hang of front crawl though.

So in my view and experience the lack of swimming lessons doesn't matter, but getting your kids used to being in water, even with armbands, is helpful.

And, leaving aside the watersports I later took up, I have never been in a situation when being able to swim was life-saving.

Familiarisation with being in water will help control panic, which seems to be one of the main killers in drowning accidents, and could lead to developing an ability to swim, even in adulthood.

[suit2845321oie]

It was non negotiable here and they all had lessons from their 3rd birthday. If he hasn't tried lessons then how does he know that he doesn't want them?

[popmimiboo]

My eldest 2 did baby swimming from 6 months to about 5 so were kind of swimming, then had a block of about 10 proper lessons to get them swimming proper strokes.

Littlest however was terrified of water (-yes, even in the bath she was scared of getting it in her eyes/ on her head, hairwashing nightmare!) right up to 7. When she was 7, we were on holiday with a small, quiet hotel pool and she somehow just relaxed and started getting more confident. As soon as we got home, I started taking her to the pool myself, once a week (-where she still clung to me like a limpet for the first 15 mins each time) and she watched the other children having lessons. Finally at 7.5, she asked for lessons so we put her name down and she was really excited to start a month later. (Luckily she is small for her age and didn't stand out from the 5-6 year olds in her group!)
Anyway, she really enjoyed lessons for a year. She's still naturally cautious (and is totally dependent on goggles) but can dive in and do a couple of lengths front or back, go to the bottom, do handstands etc.

Her best friend is 11 and has never learnt and is part terrified -part embarrassed so will never come to the outdoor pool with DD and other friends which is a real shame.

OP, don't force but encourage your DC with his swimming. Goggles, noodle or belt, no armbands. Go when its quiet and don't pay attention to the starers! If yiu persist, he'll get more confident and either work it out himself or (hopefully) decide to go for the lessons...

[paranoidmother]

I got both DD and DS to swimming lessons when they were about 2.5 (I tried with DD as a baby but she poo'd in the pool twice and I was too embrassed to try again at that point).
We did lessons up until they passed stage 6, so they had some life saving skills, could swim in clothes and swim for 30 minutes easily. They like to go now to play and I know when we go on holiday they can join in with anything water related. We don't go often now and noticed that they are not as fit as they use to be when they went at least once a week. We have now added in swimming a couple of times a month, park runs 2-3 times and month and football for DS weekly/trampolining for DD weekly.
I'm glad we did it for the safety and for the keeping fit side of it.

I wouldn't judge if your child couldn't swim but I would recommend doing some more pool visits as being able to swim is so good for you and fun. DD is 11 and can go with her friends and not need an adult with her, gives independence.

[Schwabischeweihnachtskanne]

On the fear side I think for some kids it isn't just the water, but the weird loud echoey acoustics of a big indoor pool when even moderately busy in combination with the unfamiliar group of kids and adult and the whole unfamiliar dynamic of a swimming lesson.

As I said way up thread my 5 year old wasn't afraid of the water and actually asked for lessons and went willingly if rather nervously to his first lesson, but for some reason couldn't cope and alternated screaming and whimpering through every one of his 10 booked lessons which I doggedly dragged him too, whether I watched or not. He did get in the water and when we went swimming in between lessons showed us what he'd learned - the arm and leg movements for breast stroke basically - so it wasn't a total waste, but the stress was ridiculous and unlike his older siblings the 10 lesson twice a week course was not enough to get him swimming unaided even a few meters.

We will try again in a year or so, I do agree it's an important skill and limiting not to be able to swim, but the people just repeating "it's non negotiable" or "it's essential" and "make him take lessons whether he wants to are not" and "You'd make sure he could swim if you gave a toss" are choosing to believe every child and set of circumstances is basically like theirs, which is clearly untrue.

[Mov1ngOn]

It certainly took more than 10 weeks to get my older girl swimming! She swims well now but it's been a few years of weekly lessons... Id love for it to be quicker with no2!

My youngest at 4.5 is scared of being in a class "without mummy" so we're wondering about some 1-1 or just starting later.

My oldest started at 3 but it seemed those starting at 4/5 soon caught up!

[MargaretCavendish]

There seem to be a lot of people here who assume that their non-swimming (or v weal swimming) children will just avoid water so it's not an issue. I'm not so convinced.

I have a group of friends that I went away with for a few days every summer from late teens until late twenties. When we were 25ish we went to Italy and on one day of the holiday swam in a lake. My friend was hanging around on the muddy edge, and finally admitted that she was a very weak swimmer. Fine. I sat with her, and then went in when other people came back. What wasn't fine, though - and indeed what made my blood run a bit cold - was thinking of all the previous holidays that had involved water - all the swimming pools where she'd 'only felt like dangling her legs', all the ball games in the sea where she'd 'just happened' to be closest to the shore. I come from a water-mad family, and so am very aware of the dangers of water - and having a non-swimmer in the water without anyone else knowing and looking out for them is really up there.

My friend was sensible and a very confident young woman, but she was too embarrassed to admit that the activity the rest of us were enjoying wasn't safe for her. Her parents didn't force her to swim because she didn't like it as a child; I'm sure they thought she would just always avoid water.

[SpaceDinosaur]

I wasn't being facetious crutches but water confidence starts at home. In the bath. Literally. "Oh it's ok darling you don't need to get your face wet" feeds the cycle that getting faces wet is wrong/not nice.

Swimming pools are enormous and can be intimidating yes. If your child is nervous or "terrified" there are smaller learner pools which you can hold your child and take them in. It's all about building their confidence, physically supporting them every step of the way and not sitting on the side playing on your phone whilst a stranger tries to force your child to do something that you haven't done with them.

Baths are bloody brilliantly for starting general water confidence. Get your child to start blowing bubbles in the water. If that's too challenging then give them a straw. Give them a toy to "push about" without touching.
Do it every bath time and gradually cut the straw down so they get closer to the water. Then loose the straw.

If you want to help a child with water you will find a way.

I am passionate that all children should be safe in water and able to swim. I was swimming in clothes at 6 for a "personal survival" badge. I bloody hated it until I realised that if I fell in it would be OK to take my wool cardigan off (which was dragging me under)

[BeaverLasVegas]

Get a Swim Fin!
They look really cool, and because they go round a child's back, they are better (in my opinion) to armbands or noodles.
I agree that swimming is essential, but don't make your child anxious - the most important thing at this stage is to not be afraid of the water, and then hopefully technique will follow.
They do start school swimming lessons in Year 3, but the chances of learning any swimming this way are pretty slim - most kids know how to swim already by this time. So if you can keep taking your child to the pool as much as possible, even if to just a 'fun' pool with slides etc, then at least their confidence will build up.
Also, shop around for private swimming lessons - my son had one teacher to 10 children with one group, and now goes to a different school where there are 2 teachers for 8-10 children.
Good luck!

[Schwabischeweihnachtskanne]

Mov1ing all 3 of my kids have done a sort of semi intensive short course in a group of 4 at age 5 (actually DD was 4.5 but her friend's mum bookedup the whole group for 4 friends of whom dd was the youngest so the teacher waived the minimum age 5 requirement). Every child on all 3 courses has been swimming a bit unaided by the end of 10 lessons except my DC3! DD could do 25 meters and retrieve a ring from shoulder depth water and jump in, which is what is required for a little "sea horse" badge most kids here do. DC2 didn't enjoy his lessons and didn't get to "sea horse" standard by the end but could do a width and was very confident under water, and it was enough of a basis to then make progress just by going swimming - he loved retrieving diving toys from deep water and doing somersaults into the water and swimming distances came by itself later. DS2 still needs his swim belt though - it is a confidence thing in some way, though he's perfectly confident in other contexts (happy and focused at his martial art classes and football training) ... It's something about swimming I guess!

[Mov1ngOn]

Wow they sound brilliant!!

Usually it's 9monthsish for each asa standard here which I think is usual. She's 7 and swims all strokes well now so she's got there in the end. Seems average standard for the area.

[Schwabischeweihnachtskanne]

I don't know what the ASA standards are, might look them up :o

I did the weekly swimming lessons as a kid in the UK but you can't really find that locally - most children (in fact I'd go so far as to say every childof my immediate acquaintance, though unless there are subsidies available probably not every child in the area as the courses cost 140-180€ ) do the intensive small group courses so that they have the basics (the sea horse 25 meter plus jumping in and retrieving a diving ring badge is almost a milestone/ right of passage). After that children either join the lifeguard association and take their swimming very seriously (economical way to swim very regularly and receive lessons/ training and compete in galas but an absolutely huge commitment multiple times a week year 'round) or just swim without more lessons and maybe take occassional one off 5 week"crawl course" or "snorkeling course" in the summer holidays ...

In some ways the weekly swimming lessons UK style would be good - we don't live close enough to a pool that's open to the public year round though so spend a lot of the summer at an open air pool.

Schools in our immediate area don't do swimming til secondary - but the secondary schools have their own pool which they share with the lifeguard association.

Amusingly our primary school airily instructs parents at the first parents info evening that they must ensure their child can swim 50 metres by the end of year 2 as they are taken to do a timed lap of the pool as part of end of year sports, but offers not one lesson before hand!

[Bankyamy]

I have recently applied for a transfer to another department, is basically a desk job but i have to work on my own from 21.00 to 08.00. I recently fell pregnant. Am only 6weeks gone, i havent told my employer yet but am afraid they wont proceed with with the transfer if they know am pregs or probably transfer me back to my old department. I like where am been transfered to and dont mind lone working. I dont know what to do.

[Chippednailvarnishing]

But Bank can you swim?

[SpaceDinosaur]