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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to never want to speak to BIL again

194 replies

Awkwardas · 12/07/2016 06:19

Sisters been married to him for 20 years we've known him For 26 yrs. He's always been a bit funny sometimes fine other times not so, I think he looks down his nose at us. No reason, he's a plumber his dad a dustbin man. Anyway him sis & family booked a holiday so me & my mum decided to surprise them for the last week as its my nieces birthday. We turn up in the second week & bil is clearly.pissed off! We felt very awkward but luckily were in different hotels. We went to see them on our second say & bil completely ignored us, we've known him 26 years & he just blanks us! I now appreciate he wanted family time & we shouldn't have come but I'm utterly pissed off that he thinks its acceptable to ignore us. Would I be wrong to never speak to him again?

OP posts:
iMatter · 12/07/2016 09:41

You've ruined his holiday fgs!!

Wise up OP...

LaConnerie · 12/07/2016 09:45

I need more info - is the holiday somewhere in the UK or abroad? And how did you know what hotel they're staying in?

When you arrived, did you just go and find them and go 'surprise!' - and what did they say/how was it left?

And what are you planning on doing on their dd's birthday?

Last one - do you have family too OP or is it just you and your mum there?

Thanks!

Batteriesallgone · 12/07/2016 09:51

Wow OP you've been horrid.

Do you often do things that you think are 'nice' and therefore everyone else has to go along with - without actually considering other people's feelings at all?

Still, I expect you're also the kind of person who throws all her toys out the pram when your selfishness doesn't go down well, so I expect you'll come out of this with an apology to you - probably from your poor sister - and preening your feathers about how lovely the gesture was and how misunderstood you are.

witsender · 12/07/2016 09:51

Reverse?

DampSqid · 12/07/2016 09:54

Place marking for the lols.

BurstBees · 12/07/2016 09:54

It would be an odd thing to do even if you were fond of BIL, but given your dislike of him (that nasty crack about his family) it seems weirdly aggressive to just pitch up on their holiday. I would assume that they had plans for their dd's birthday already, were you going to change their plans or just invite yourself along? Mind boggling!

amusedbush · 12/07/2016 09:55

If you had turned up and crashed my holiday I'd have gone through you like a dose of salts. Your BIL is being very restrained by ignoring you.

How on earth can someone be so self involved that they think this is appropriate?? You have ruined their holiday!

StillCounting123 · 12/07/2016 09:58

I have a friend who I think would do something like this....

Awful idea, OP. But well done you for coming back on the thread and admitting you misjudged it!

What age is your niece? Is she old enough to appreciate you being there for her?

Was it your idea, or your mums?

A silly stunt to have pulled, and I'd go ballistic if it happened to me and DH on hol.

Onthecouchagain · 12/07/2016 09:59

I'm gonna have to say YABU here, bloody hell the poor fella. Having the bloody IL's turn up on your holiday unannounced is the stuff of nightmares.

SnotGoblin · 12/07/2016 10:02

Some finessing required OP.

KayTee87 · 12/07/2016 10:04

I think the worst thing is that I would place a bet on the fact that ops sister and her husband have probably had an argument about this now.

BurstBees · 12/07/2016 10:05

Could make for a creepily entertaining evening back home though.
SIL - this is the hotel we stayed in
OP - we know
SIL - we had dinner at this lovely restaurant
OP - we know. We were watching...from a distance
SIL - we took a fab walk down this beach
OP - we were there. What made you wear those red shorts?
Etc, etc.

Pinkheart5915 · 12/07/2016 10:07

You gate cashed there holiday but your bil is in the wrong.

What planet do you live on OP?

DeathByMascara · 12/07/2016 10:08

Pretty unanimous YABU there, OP! For the record, I don't think my SIL likes me, she certainly doesn't like my mum. So, like normal people, we read the signs and keep our distance. We do not crash their holiday.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 12/07/2016 10:12

If you have done this then you owe your BIL and DSis a new holiday with a cast iron promise that you will never do this again.

I would utterly hate that sort of "surprise" on my holiday. I get precious little time to relax with DH and the DC and to have it gatecrashed would piss me off.

You put your own feelings ahead of theirs and wrecked their holiday in the process. Is your family normally so intrusive?

treaclesoda · 12/07/2016 10:13

No, this can't be real. Why would anyone think it's a nice surprise to gatecrash someone else's holiday? Shock

Greenyogagirl · 12/07/2016 10:17

So they have a family holiday and the fact that they've gone so far away and not invited you isn't a clue that you weren't supposed to go?
How much saving and planning went into the holiday (most people only get 1 a year!) to give daughter (your niece I assume) an amazing birthday. Completely bizarre. If my mil and sil turned up I'd be fuming.

nonicknameseemsavailable · 12/07/2016 10:20

oh gosh I would be furious if my in laws turned up on our holiday, even if staying somewhere else, if they were nearby and therefore expected to see us or we might bump into them on a day out etc. going away is for getting away from things (and in many cases that includes family ties)

Kungfupandaworksout16 · 12/07/2016 10:21

I'm sorry to go of topic, but may i ask what a reverse is?

EdmundCleverClogs · 12/07/2016 10:22

Don't think this is a reverse. Think it's either someone trying to draw attention to themselves or a journo making up stories. The op must be in their 40s but sound much younger.

Whatever is going on, the op needs to take a good long look at themselves.

JustSpeakSense · 12/07/2016 10:23

You crashed their family holiday, I'd be ignoring you too!

pallasathena · 12/07/2016 10:24

You seem to be over-invested in their lives o/p, now why is that? Do you not have any friends, hobbies, interests of your own? Does your life revolve around what others are doing/saying? Oh yes and by trying to validate what you did by thinking it would be 'nice', wtf?
Maybe you're one of those judgey sorts who has to have someone to focus on and talk about. To do what you did it certainly sounds like it.

EdmundCleverClogs · 12/07/2016 10:25

A reverse is when the op is the one 'hard done by', but writes from the perspective of the 'wrong doer'.

So this may be the wife/brother in law writing as if they were the annoying sister so everyone goes 'you are the most unreasonable person ever'. Trouble is, it's then very one sided, all the op wants to hear is how horrible the person they are writing about are.

BitOutOfPractice · 12/07/2016 10:26

Come on, if you don't believe it's real, report it.

The OP has come back and said she feels shit and realises she made a mistake.

I think some of you saying the OP has overreacted and at the same time saying she should pay for the BiL's next holiday in the same breath need to calm down a little

Coconutty · 12/07/2016 10:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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