To be upset/angry at Mother in Law

[BummyMummy77]

Yesterday I'm pretty sure I had an ovarian cyst burst. I've had it confirmed by a doctor and am due to go in for a vaginal ultrasound tomorrow. DH can't take time off work as his job is very seasonal and he makes most of his money in a four week period in the Summer. Also, his boss is in a foul mood at the moment and is liable to let him go for taking time off. DS is two and a half and very lively. I can see taking him in to the appointment would go one of two ways- he's either be an utter fucking nightmare and they'd say they couldn't do it with him there or he'd be all scared about what's happening to Mama (he's not so keen on doctors/dentists etc.) And that's if they'll even let an unattended toddler in radiology, which I highly doubt.

We live five minutes away from the in laws. I've not once since he was born asked for their help with childcare. It's always been a bit of a thing that I've chosen to become a SAHM and his whole family always skirt around in a joking way that I sit around all day doing nothing (for what it's worth it isn't true, I grow all our own food and have chickens, husband works 12 hour days, add a toddler to that and I pretty much rush around like a madwoman) so we've avoided asking them for favours ever.

I've begged MIL to just watch him for an hour while I'm in the appointment. (She has the day off and will be ten minutes away from the hospital!) and she's point blank refusing saying it was my decision to not put him in daycare and she's just too busy to help.

There's no body else that can help, we live on an island and the hospital is aways away. I've asked friends that are nearer but it's last minute and they're all working or already busy.

So I'm faced with the choice of cancelling and resheduling for a month or so's time or taking him and hoping it doesn't all go Pete Tong.

I know I made a choice to not have childcare for him but this is kind of an emergency, am I being unreasonable to be really hurt and pretty pissed off?

Oh and for a bit of background, dh's sister, husband and 1 year old also live with the in laws and are fully financially supported by them and sister in law also doesn't work but has mil cook all their meals and at least two hour of childcare from her a day. I know this doesn't have anything to do with our situation per se but it's adding to my annoyance.

Read "Will i ever be good enough"or similar.

There was a poster (whom I won't name as she posted in the quiet place) who had a MiL like yours and a DH just as deeply mired in FOG. The way her MiL treated her was horrible. The MiL actually encouraged her son to financially abuse this poster!

It took her threatening to leave and take their child to get him to counseling. I think you may want to consider something drastic like this. You just cannot go on living with this bitch hanging over your life like the Sword of Damocles. You'll never have any peace as long as she has your DH in her manipulative talons.

Keep away from the whole pit of snakes. SIL is giving a party payed for by whom ? Don't go, say you're too sick of them
Yes it's a pity for DS, but he will only be being given the unfavoured GC/nephew treatment, while Princess is spoilt.
Your DS will eventually recognise this behaviour (sooner than you think) You need to protect him now.

strongly agree there, you do need to protect him.

I remember that poster AcrossthePond55 and unfortunately this MIL sounds very, very similar, even though the circumstances were different. I think you ned to find another island, OP.

I agree, Atenco, OP needs to run fast and run far. Either with or without her DH. There's no reason to live in an environment like that.

Plus, there will come a time (WILL, not may) where the MiL will begin to manipulate her own children and try to turn them against her. Even though she may not be successful, children shouldn't be subjected to that type of behaviour.

I wonder what ever happened to that poster. Hopefully her silence means that things have resolved for her and her little family.

Do you by any chance live on Peaks Island? I love that place, even have vague ideas of retiring there (centuries hence, if we can ever afford to retire).

Your MIL sounds utterly appalling. And I generally stick up for MILs on MN, as I think they are often unfairly vilified. But the family dynamics here sound so unhealthy for everyone involved. In your shoes I would certainly keep my distance from the in-laws as much as possible, though living on a tiny island probably complicates things considerably.

And I generally stick up for MILs on MN, as I think they are often unfairly vilified

Me too, I generally stand up for grandparents and their right to refuse childcare, however, IMHO, it was verging on evil to refuse to mind the child under the circumstances.