To be upset/angry at Mother in Law

[BummyMummy77]

Yesterday I'm pretty sure I had an ovarian cyst burst. I've had it confirmed by a doctor and am due to go in for a vaginal ultrasound tomorrow. DH can't take time off work as his job is very seasonal and he makes most of his money in a four week period in the Summer. Also, his boss is in a foul mood at the moment and is liable to let him go for taking time off. DS is two and a half and very lively. I can see taking him in to the appointment would go one of two ways- he's either be an utter fucking nightmare and they'd say they couldn't do it with him there or he'd be all scared about what's happening to Mama (he's not so keen on doctors/dentists etc.) And that's if they'll even let an unattended toddler in radiology, which I highly doubt.

We live five minutes away from the in laws. I've not once since he was born asked for their help with childcare. It's always been a bit of a thing that I've chosen to become a SAHM and his whole family always skirt around in a joking way that I sit around all day doing nothing (for what it's worth it isn't true, I grow all our own food and have chickens, husband works 12 hour days, add a toddler to that and I pretty much rush around like a madwoman) so we've avoided asking them for favours ever.

I've begged MIL to just watch him for an hour while I'm in the appointment. (She has the day off and will be ten minutes away from the hospital!) and she's point blank refusing saying it was my decision to not put him in daycare and she's just too busy to help.

There's no body else that can help, we live on an island and the hospital is aways away. I've asked friends that are nearer but it's last minute and they're all working or already busy.

So I'm faced with the choice of cancelling and resheduling for a month or so's time or taking him and hoping it doesn't all go Pete Tong.

I know I made a choice to not have childcare for him but this is kind of an emergency, am I being unreasonable to be really hurt and pretty pissed off?

Oh and for a bit of background, dh's sister, husband and 1 year old also live with the in laws and are fully financially supported by them and sister in law also doesn't work but has mil cook all their meals and at least two hour of childcare from her a day. I know this doesn't have anything to do with our situation per se but it's adding to my annoyance.

As far as health insurance, you're in the US right? Have you checked into MediCaid or the ACA? ACA coverage saved my son's bacon when he lost his job. He didn't qualify for MediCaid because he had short term disability income then unemployment. He got good coverage at a price he could afford under the ACA.

www.healthinsurance.org/maine-state-health-insurance-exchange/

Sil can't watch hers and mine at the same time. Too difficult apparently.

Ds actually had a mega sleep in so should nap pretty late thank goodness!

Rang hospital again to check I really have to drink 2 pints an hour before as that's against what I've been reading for transvag ultrasounds but they said that's the case. I'm going to be Pissy McPisson.

The health care thing is tricky as dh says we earn too much and our earnings change too much seasonally to be eligible for the lower healthcare but that's horseshit. Ds at least could get Mainecare (free health care). If his employers say no we are just going to have to suck it up and get healthcare no matter how much it costs.

Your in laws are cunts.
Good luck at your appointment

"Sil can't watch hers and mine at the same time."

Jeez.

Your husband built her a fucking house!

Sorry, I don't think that I could ever get over that.

Hope all goes well for you. and that you don't pee everywhere

Jeez, your MIL sounds like a treat. Of course she's entitled to not want to, but you'd think she'd dredge up some human kindness to do it for a one off. That said I'm pregnant and ill and my parents have been a God send, but my in laws are dickheads and haven't helped out once either, so maybe it's something about bellend in laws and their daughters in law.

OP, you sound like a great woman, and if I were in Maine rather than Northern Ireland then I'd 100% help you.

Your in-laws are bumhats (current insult of choice of my 6 year old).

*Bumhats
*

Oh my word. So I've explained it all to ds. "Mummy is going to the hospital just for a check up and they are going to put a camera in Mummy's vagina to have a look. Nothing is wrong. It's going to be fun."

Ds barrels up to the ticket guy at the ferry and gleefully tells him were off to hospital to look at Mummy's vagina but his is 'just fine'.

The guy always asks where we're going so I should have known to leave the prepping until we'd seen him!

Sat in 29 degree heat with a pissed off sweaty ds in a fair bunch of pain I'm getting increasing annoyed at dh being too much of a pussy to even broach it with his boss. Really, the guy isn't a monster I'm sure he would have been fine with dh taking two hours off.

Love bumhats. Better than 'mother hubbards' which is ds's choice of insult. Lucky he adapted it himself I guess.

Hope it goes well and I think I would befriend some people of your MILs generation who would just love to help out with occasional childcare and having a relationship with your DC!!!!

I'm genuinely shocked by the people above said the MIL is "entitled" to refuse help.

That is not normal behaviour, in my opinion. Normal families would show concern for the OP's health issues and pain. Normal families wouldn't even need to be asked to step in for an afternoon's babysitting. This MIL is really showing her contempt for her DIL, son and grandchild. I wouldn't piss on her if she was on fire from now on.

As for DH, sounds like there's a lifelong toxic dynamic going on which makes him so desperate to pander to and please his awful parents (and sister). I feel sorry for him, but he seriously needs to wake up and acknowledge this shit for what it is.

I would take my child to the scan and I would remember this moment forever! No favours , no invitations , no nothing from now on.
She's been a complete cow . Hope your ok xx

I have to say I would have responded to SIL 'How am I feeling? Like once this is done, moving back to the UK due to zero support here. How do you think I am feeling?'

This is NOT how normal families operate.

So apart from being a little scared because the lights had to be off and asking if he could 'have a go' with the ultra sound stick dildo cam it was fine.

The biggest biggest pisser is that they couldn't see the ovary in question (found a lot of fluid and cyst on the other one though) so the whole thing has been an utter waster of money and I now have to have a cat scan. FML FML FML.

Oh Bummy wishing you well

I don't think she is entitled to say no! I think as a family member you have an obligation to love and support your family, I think she is being extremely unreasonable, I'd take your toddler, maybe they'll have someone there who can help out while you get your examination. Hope you get well soon!

Oh Bummy, that is rubbish. Hope things start looking up. I would do as per the below and ensure there are no offers of help going the other way after this, but I'm not sure how realistic that's going to be with Island life...

On the positive side, you have had the gift of "bumhats" today.

So sorry to hear that. What does that mean for your insurance?
OP what benefits are you actually receiving from living there?
The UK has great 'wilderness' where your son could experience a brilliant life. And we have the NHS....
Where do your family live? What's your relationship like with them?

Sorry you weren't able to get any answers today.

I am sorry about today, I would treat her, how she treated you. She is a nasty piece of work.

Thanks.

I'm going to find out roughly how much a cat scan will be but if it's a lot it'll have to wait until Septemeber/October when I have insurance. Yuk!

I have to say I'm not very enamoured with the place right now.

My family are in Wales and the Cotswolds. My relationship with them is great but that may be due to being so far away.

They wouldn't be much support to be honest. My brother is autistic and very low funcioning needing my Mum's 24 hour care and my Dad has ms.

Oh bless op, you are on your own. We are too, my mum is elderly 81 and lives 50 miles away and does not drive, my in laws live abroad with dh sister. Dh brother lives an 5 hour drive away so no one for us either, though I could ask some good friends if I ever needed anything. If my in laws lived in England, they most certainly would help with whistles and bells on. I cannot understand the mentality of your mother in law, she is toxic, and it does not sound like she likes you very much.