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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be upset/angry at Mother in Law

308 replies

BummyMummy77 · 11/07/2016 23:31

Yesterday I'm pretty sure I had an ovarian cyst burst. I've had it confirmed by a doctor and am due to go in for a vaginal ultrasound tomorrow. DH can't take time off work as his job is very seasonal and he makes most of his money in a four week period in the Summer. Also, his boss is in a foul mood at the moment and is liable to let him go for taking time off. DS is two and a half and very lively. I can see taking him in to the appointment would go one of two ways- he's either be an utter fucking nightmare and they'd say they couldn't do it with him there or he'd be all scared about what's happening to Mama (he's not so keen on doctors/dentists etc.) And that's if they'll even let an unattended toddler in radiology, which I highly doubt.

We live five minutes away from the in laws. I've not once since he was born asked for their help with childcare. It's always been a bit of a thing that I've chosen to become a SAHM and his whole family always skirt around in a joking way that I sit around all day doing nothing (for what it's worth it isn't true, I grow all our own food and have chickens, husband works 12 hour days, add a toddler to that and I pretty much rush around like a madwoman) so we've avoided asking them for favours ever.

I've begged MIL to just watch him for an hour while I'm in the appointment. (She has the day off and will be ten minutes away from the hospital!) and she's point blank refusing saying it was my decision to not put him in daycare and she's just too busy to help.

There's no body else that can help, we live on an island and the hospital is aways away. I've asked friends that are nearer but it's last minute and they're all working or already busy.

So I'm faced with the choice of cancelling and resheduling for a month or so's time or taking him and hoping it doesn't all go Pete Tong.

I know I made a choice to not have childcare for him but this is kind of an emergency, am I being unreasonable to be really hurt and pretty pissed off?

Oh and for a bit of background, dh's sister, husband and 1 year old also live with the in laws and are fully financially supported by them and sister in law also doesn't work but has mil cook all their meals and at least two hour of childcare from her a day. I know this doesn't have anything to do with our situation per se but it's adding to my annoyance.

OP posts:

aprilanne · 11/07/2016 23:58

god she sounds better by the minute even when you lost a baby she could,nt be arsed .sorry about your baby loss

Original poster

BummyMummy77 · 12/07/2016 00:00

Dh was in tears on the phone earlier. He feels like an utter shit that he can't take the time off. I can chalk it down to her being a fucktard but it must be really hurtful for him.

OP posts:

aprilanne · 12/07/2016 00:03

if your hubby lost his job that would just add more pressure so i get he must go and yes my sons would find that unforgiveable if there father or i were so uncaring .

OnesieTheQueensSelfie · 12/07/2016 00:04

So sorry you're going through this OP.

Could you pay for a babysitter that day? Not ideal of course but better than having to reschedule an important appointment.

for you

Original poster

BummyMummy77 · 12/07/2016 00:05

SIL lives with them as she needs the help financially (her and her husband don't work). She's 29. DH thinks they're so burnt out emotionally, physically and financially looking after them that they've nothing left to give.

Meanwhile I'm enjoying very awful, spiteful daydreams of her falling down a large hole and begging for help and me laughing manically at the top.

OP posts:

JinkxMonsoon · 12/07/2016 00:05

That is absolutely callous.

JinkxMonsoon · 12/07/2016 00:06

MIL is callous, not what you just posted, OP

That's totally understandable.

AnnaMarlowe · 12/07/2016 00:08

Wait a minute, if SIL's DH doesn't work why on earth can BIL and SIL not manage to look after two DC between them?

Gooseysgirl · 12/07/2016 00:08

She sounds like a piece of work I have a lively DS same age and in this situation I would strap him in the buggy, bribe with snacks, and some crappy toddler TV on iPad.

Original poster

BummyMummy77 · 12/07/2016 00:09

There's no agencies or anything around here, it's pretty rural. I'm going to try around semi friends and acquaintances and if no luck I'll take him in the pushchair. Thanks ladies, I thought I was being an over-sensitive dil!

OP posts:

NellyMelly · 12/07/2016 00:12

I hope it will go well for you. I've done the pushchair trick before :) Sorry that your family isn't helping out. They don't know the meaning of the words family and helping. I wonder if your mil and sit will be asking on the results

Original poster

BummyMummy77 · 12/07/2016 00:16

Sil's dh has got band practice.

OP posts:

hastheworldgonemad · 12/07/2016 00:17

I have my grandson twice a week to give my dil a break. She's on maternity leave and he's not a great sleeper. Had him overnight too to help out, he's 4 months old.

Your mil is a cow op.

Hope it goes well for you.

Aeroflotgirl · 12/07/2016 00:19

whiteplate how cold and heartless, are you MIL! Op has a urgent medical appointment and MIL shoukd be helping to look after her grandson whilst op goes. It's cold, heartless and nasty, tbh I would not want to do a thing with her after that!

Canyouforgiveher · 12/07/2016 00:20

If you are in the US, people - even relatively unknown people - are generally really good at rallying around. They also often have teen volunteers in the hospitals doing their community service hours. Maybe ask if one of them could sit with your toddler in the buggy/ipaded up.

your MIL is being spectacularly mean to you and to her son. horrible.

Aeroflotgirl · 12/07/2016 00:24

Remember how she yptreated you op in the future, she sounds nasty wicked and spiteful anywY.

AnnaMarlowe · 12/07/2016 00:24

Band Practice! I'm speechless!

Inertia · 12/07/2016 00:24

Bloody hell, what an utterly selfish bunch!

Is there any kind of creche at the hospital?

DoubleNegativePanda · 12/07/2016 00:25

Where in America are you, Bummy?

NellyMelly · 12/07/2016 00:25

Must be tough for your dh having to work. He isn't responsible for his mother and sister in laws behaviour. He must be so annoyed at them. The sil dh band practice!! at least now you can do what you want ever christmas and every other day too

AcrossthePond55 · 12/07/2016 00:31

Depending on the size of your DH's employer they are required to give him the time off under FMLA, if worse comes to worse. I know what you mean about nasty bosses and retaliation, though.

2nds · 12/07/2016 00:33

OP I had to take my eldest child to umpteen ultrasounds, umpteen blood tests and MRI scans, she would sit in her buggy eating and barely notice what was going on.

Your MIL might have other plans for that day, you said she has the day off but maybe she has an important appointment herself and hasn't told you.

MrsJoeyMaynard · 12/07/2016 00:33

She sounds really mean.

It's one thing refusing to babysit in ordinary, non-urgent circumstances - or if she had some urgent or immovable stuff of her own happening at the time you need help - but this is an urgent medical appointment, she's not working, and she's refusing to help for no good reason at all.

I'd try the pushchair trick too, if you can't find any acquaintances able to help at short notice. If it's ultrasound then there's no medical reason why your DC can't be in the room with you while they do the ultrasound. Hope it goes well.

2nds · 12/07/2016 00:34

And another thing can your DH not just take a few hours off instead of the full day?

Vegetablegarden · 12/07/2016 00:36

Whatever you do, you MUST go to this appointment. Even if you make your DH (or he can give his mother an earful), SIL should too. This isn't just going out for dinner, you need medical attention which cannot wait.

If all else fails, pay for someone, anything, failing that - bring the child in with enough sweets/children's apps on your phone to sink an army and go to the appointment.

Then try and set up some kind of support network with friends / toddler group parents for next time. You can't keep on your own. I know, I was a single parent away from family for years and Ex also refused to come when I was too ill to look after child. I moved closer to family in the end. It's important to have support, really, really important. Make it a priority.

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