To be upset my friend didn't even acknowledge my news?

[peskyfeelings]

Texting my oldest friend last night. We live at opposite ends of the country now, so don't see each other much anymore. However we still consider ourselves best of friends. The type where you can not see each other for 12 months and then it's just like you saw each other yesterday.

She was asking how I was, and I told her that DP and I have just started trying for a baby. Her and her DP have had some fertility issues, but they are waiting for IVF, so hopefully that will work for them. I didn't make a big deal of it. Just mentioned we were trying and wouldn't it be fantastic if we both had babies around the same time. We are both 37, so no spring chickens. In my case I've spent years worrying I would never even get a chance to be a mother, so basically this announcement is my biggest news ever.

Her response? absolutely zilch. She answered all my other questions in her three subsequent texts, but never even acknowledged what I said!

Now I'm really upset about it, but don't know if I should mention it? I haven't told anyone else we are trying, but I wanted to tell her as my oldest friend. I have no other friends with babies or ttc, and was really hoping we could support each other through it. I'm also worried that I've been hideously insensitive because of her fertility issues? I know she's feeling really positive about the IVF though, so I really didn't think it would upset her.

Should I have just kept my mouth shut?

Sorry I didn't read the 10 pages either.

Pesky, I think a lot of the posters on her have been rather hard on you. You seem to have shared concerns re motherhood with your friend over the years and to your mind your news that you have finally reached the the point where you can try to get pregnant is a milestone you thought she
would be happy to share. We all know that conceiving and successfully carrying a child is not guaranteed and most couples won't know if they are even fertile until they try. As a woman who had no trouble conceiving but who had numerous miscarriages I've experienced heartbreak but that did not prevent me from sharing the joy when close friends became pregnant/gave birth and I knew they empathised with my pain.
I think your idea of approaching your friend and asking if you have inadvertently hurt her feelings is excellent. Maybe she's having trouble reducing her BMI or maybe her DH isn't being very sympathetic atm.
Good luck with both your friendship and quest for a family.

Personally, I find it cringe-inducing when couples feel they have to "announce" that they are TTC & make like it's news that is interest to anyone.

Friends of ours did this and it was well over 12 months before there was any actual baby news to announce.

I know you wanted to share your excitement, but it was quite insensitive given that she is facing IVF and probably cannot imagine being pregnant, let alone it being conveniently at the same time as you.

My best friend and I would definitely share if either of us were trying for a baby. Yes I know that means acknowledging we are having sex (shock horror!!) isn't sex another thing best friends openly talk about?

I am with OP on this one. Her friend should have acknowledged it at least. Imagine if OP had not told her, got pregnant and then the friend would probably be upset she was not told they were trying.

Best friends share most things and should be happy and supportive.

In my experience talking about fertility and planning a family with anyone can be hard because you don't know, when you start talking, their experiences. I suspect that your comment about you having babies at the same time may worry her if the IVF is proving difficult. I would hope she is pleased about your news. I had a weird thing with my best friend who lives miles away, we don't see each other much etc. I told her I was pregnant at about 3 weeks then when I had my 12 week scan she told me she was pregnant and had known when I first told her. I was a bit sad about it at first, but didn't say anything to her about it because I decided it was up to her and her husband who they told when and it is common not to tell people until 12 weeks (which I did but had made an exception for her). Everyone's different and people trying for a baby behave differently, so don't feel offended, she will probably have her reasons.

As I already said, I posted before reading the whole thread - mea culpa. It's an issue I'm very sensitive about and I was hasty in commenting. I then apologised as soon as I realised the thread had moved on. Yet still certain posters think it's their prerogative to single people out to have a go. Jeez.

Ok, am i the only person that considered option 3 for the friends response?
She may be upset with the ivf, she may be scatterbrained and just missed that bit..
Or, she thinks your other half is a dick?
You don't sound too pleased with her choice of man and maybe the feeling is mutual and she was thinking of the mess ahead?
Good luck to you anyway, happy boinking and hopefully babies will appear soon

Can I just add that if you do get pregnant (and I am sure you will of course), don't do what my cousin did to me and phone me last after she'd told everyone in my family. Clarissa 69
I totally agree. We told my sil first before anyone else. My dp took her for lunch and told her to her face on their own.

I know I'm days late with this thread but as I've been through several IVF attempts, I thought I would contribute. If you already knew that your friend was going through IVF before you texted her your news, that was incredibly insensitive. She doesn't need to know that you're TTC, it will only bring up a huge raft of unhappy emotions for her. How would you even think that she would be able to share in the 'joy' of your 'news' that you're TTC, knowing what she is going through? Despite the brave face appearance about IVF, she will be living her life counting the days and hours until the next part of the treatment, and hoping and praying for everything to go well will be taking up most of her headspace, and may have been for quite some time.

If you didn't know about her going through IVF before you texted, and it was only after you texted that you found out, then you should pull back on your excitement and concern yourself with your friend and what she's going through and feeling. Call her and say that you think you've been insensitive and apologise. Ask her if she wants to talk about it, she may not, but at least she'll know that you care.

Finally, imagine, twelve months from now and you and your partner have had twelve long months of waiting and disappointment each time your period starts. Imagine doing that for another year, and another year, and another.....then imagine how you might feel when a close friend texts you...."great news, we're trying for a baby! I'm so excited! Imagine if we have babies at the same time, wouldn't that be amazing!" Imagine your heart breaking inside and the tears rolling down your face. Be her friend, be there for her. Xx