DD is starting school in September, but isn't toilet trained.

[BarkingMad12]

Hi. Not sure what to do. DD isn't toilet trained yet, we haven't rushed it at all and did wait until she showed signs, but she never did so we have slowly started trying more and more but it isn't going great. I'm worried as she's closer and closer to going to school.

Do I tell them? If so, when? Also, is she allowed to go? Even though she isn't trained? Advice would be great

I think there is a difference between a child starting school with genuine continence issues and a child who starts not toilet trained because toilet training just hasn't really been attempted yet.
As far as the OP is concerned, there is no way of knowing if there'san underlying issue or not. Statistically, there is probably no issue, and with a couple of weeks of concerted effort this can likely all be resolved well in advance of school starting in almost two months time.
OP doesn't need to worry at this stage...just get on with it. It can be intimidating because it's hard to see how it will work. I left it until the week my DTs turned 3. It was such a slog for the first day, then it all came together. My 2.5yo younger son is already trained with no bother, because I had more confidence. Just read up on a method and get rid of daytime nappies completely overnight. If you have problems, seek help, but you probably won't.

YES! Because it's not the age that it's taught.

They are not usually "taught" to read at the age of two because they aren't capable of it. I taught my children colours, letters and reading as soon as I could. I didn't not try because I didn't think they were capable. I'm sure that most parents are the same.

I taught my children colours, letters and reading as soon as I could. I didn't not try because I didn't think they were capable. I'm sure that most parents are the same.

Wait are you saying not all children are the same?

That's certainly a change of attitude.

I didn't not try because I didn't think they were capable.

Becuase it's not the done thing at that age. You suspected it was too complicated or whatever?

However it's not.

My youngest child was not taught letters as such or numbers and yet one day when he was around eighteen months we were driving and he said W, I looked for a camper van, then P, then DOH

The next day he read the numbers on the side of his bottle.

No kidding

He is the youngest of four so someone else may have taught him. He certainly could count to ten and back before he was one.

All kids are different obviously.

For a long time my daughter would howl with rage if we even dared mention the idea of a potty or toilet or whatever.

The preschool she's attended from Jan 2016 [from being 2.5 months old] makes [rather poorly IMO] no provisions for kids who aren't toilet trained so we'd send her in a pullup [nappies not allowed] every day, it'd come back wet every day.

Over the Easter holidays, when she was very nearly 3, we fought a really unpleasant, longish [it seemed long anyway] battle with her over using the potty. It was OK in the end. She returned to preschool in normal knickers & only ever had one accident there.

Err, why would most parents teach reading at 2/3 if they thought their kids were able to master it? I think that's absolute rubbish, not everyone wants to front load education and force learning on a tiny child. They are in school for 7 hours a day, 5 days a week for nigh on 14 years. Why anyone would want to spend those precious pre school years cramming them full of academia when they should be engaged in self stimulated play is beyond me. It doesn't make them genii if they learn to read at 2 rather than 4, and it doesn't make them more likely to succeed in future. What it does do is take up time which would be better spent elsewhere making mud pies and climbing trees, doing jigsaws, making pictures, playing with friends, engaged in imaginary play and generally being a child before they are required to conform to the restrictive environment of our schooling system.

Anecdotally I had a child start school knowing no letters and numbers, by design, because we didn't want her to engaged in this sort of formal learning before school. We wanted her to grow her own wings rather than pin them on her. Her pre school was of this thinking too, though not Montessori or Steiner, and state funded. She learned to read within a few months and has pretty much finished the reading levels now we are at the end of year 1. I say this only because it shows that a child who is ready and bright will bash through academia once they start school and don't need a pushy parental head start. I always think parents who do this do it for their own self esteem rather than the good of their children. Reading at 2/3 - the mind literally boggles as to why anyone would attempt this.

It's one thing to recognise a trend/norm/average, it's quite another to shame those who aren't in that population, limit their education, and characterise their parents as lazy because the developmental norms you think are universal, are not.

I haven't said anything was "universal". It is a bit more than a "trend" or "average" to be toilet trained by school age though as the vast majority children without disabilities are.

But they miss out on so much if you spend the pre school years doing exactly what they will spend years R/1/2 doing. They will be very bored if they 'know' all this already ( though that's up for grabs, kids who can allegedly read on starting school often need significant work in correcting badly taught phonic rules). Play is so much more important at this age. And reading to them daily is well recognised as being the single most important factor in children learning to love reading and therefore engaging with it later on.

Where on earth has childhood gone in this pushy parent era?

Becuase it's not the done thing at that age. You suspected it was too complicated or whatever?

You are making a lot of assumptions. I didn't have preconceived ideas of what my children could and couldn't do. They learned to read when they were capable which was well after the age of two.

Zzzzz, unless a child picks up a book, brings it to you and expressly says 'I want you to teach me to read this myself', then requiring a 2/3 year old to learn to read is self satisfying rather than child led. And a two or three year old us unlikely to be able to express the desire in those very clear terms.

At 2/3 my child could jump pretty well. I didn't go on and teach her to bunjy jump. Could she have had that within her capabilities? Of course - she had it within her capabilities to be strapped into a harness and jump willingly off a cliff (and probably would have willingly done so). However, it wasn't age appropriate so instead we went to mini trampoline or gym classes. That which is within one's raw capabilities is not always the activity in which one ought to be engaged.

Sorry if I'm repeating people but haven't read all 19 pages!

My son was 3.9 months when we started. He showed absolutely no signs at all. We sent him to nursery with about 20 changes of clothes every day and everyday we took home a sack of wet clothes. I'm 3 weeks he was dry.

He was still soiling himself until the summer holidays before school started - we had to really up the bribery from chocolate to toys.

If you child is not trained by September, they will probably need an intimate care plan as adults will have to change her. I would check with school before she attends.

But then that's the same principle as toilet training. No child comes and asks to learn.

bubbles - not sure of your point or angle there?

Spend the Summer just getting her trained. It will happen - it just need time and consistent patience. Sending her to school when she cannot use the toilet isn't an option really - the school will be unhappy with it and your child will be singled out and feel awkward. Just crack on with it - it will be best for everyone.

What are the advantages ( long term) of being able to read at 2/3?

lol at 2 year old attacking acdemia

aca

btw how do you do that angry quote in bold thing..its quite cool