my two children have their own worry eaters, ds is autistic and really struggles with anxiety. I bought both children the keyring form of their worry eaters and they lived attached to the zip of the bag. We had the little worry eater that save up any worries when at school and they were fed into the big worry eaters once home (I removed them and place them on my bedside cabinet so we can share / discuss the worries in the morning)
I am absolutely devastated for your children, my ds is 9 and has two favourites, his teddy lovingly called Eddie, the first toy he was ever given (my dh bought it just after he was born) , the second his very own velvateen rabbit. He also has a bed full of cuddly toys and will never be forced to bin them. My dh still has his childhood toy, our son has looked after him since babyhood. Our 6 year old dd has about six teddies she sleeps with, most of the dog variety bar the velveteen rabbit. Her favourite a little pink wolf cub. I have a muscly, strong 38 year old dh who lovingly shampoos, blow dries and brushes dd's wolfie, because dd was terrified wolfie would drown in the washing machine!. Wolfie unfortunately lost his nose during an altercation with our puppy. I turned plastic surgeon and now have a collection of different sized teddy noses so that immediate repair is possible!
I mentioned what your ex husband did to my dh, he is absolutely horrified. We both agree that this is evil. Be prepared, next you will have two children who have been told that Santa/ Father Christmas isn't real. Your ex is cruel and obviously enjoys hurting your children. He sounds like a narcissistic sociopath/ psychopath. I bet that your children have been distressed/ missing you OP and that this is a punishment for their behaviour. To the person who said that OP was trying to send part of herself to infiltrate ex's home, NONSENSE. Teddie's/ lovies/ cuddles are personal and important belongings of each child. OP hasn't sent her cuddly toy, these are her children's belongings. Being forced to bin their favourite belongings is absolutely abusive. If an adult was being forced to do this we would call it what it is, ABUSE!
OP perhaps you could send a silk scarf/ handkerchief with your perfume on that your dd could smell and feel safe/ comforted. You could sleep with a hankie/ spray it with your perfume for ds too, your smell would be comforting. I did this for ds when he was at school (we choose to home educate). I would buy a small bottle to hide in dd's bag . So she can top them up if the smell fades.
I am even more horrified that your ex was able to veto your dd's counselling sessions. I'm guessing the counsellor saw straight through your exdh and he didn't want anyone seeing how truly abusive he is. I would make sure that she is 're referred straight away. Your exdh has no right to veto anything you do with dd in your time. It's time he was exposed as the abusive animal he is. The ideal situation would be contact in a contact centre.This man is frightening, he takes enjoyment out of hurting your children in order to spite you. Was he ever physically violent? Please log everything, dates, abuse, children's reaction. Particularly watch out for regression when they return, bed wetting/ thumb sucking/ nightmares/ extra cleanliness. I would ask for your youngest to be referred for counselling too.