DC, bed time cuddlies, age and removing them....?

[Nocuddlies]

NC obviously.

My DC are barely 9 and 6. The last three years my ex and I have been divorcing. Things have pretty terrible, he's passive aggressive and I've been in counselling two years coming to terms with his behaviour, including the affair he had. Not the point of this thread.

So bedtime cuddlies. My two DC both still very much have to have their favourite cuddlies for bed every night.

Ex has not allowed them to have their cuddlies at his house last weekend. He says they are fine about it. He walked DC to the wheelie bin outside my house and made them throw their cuddlies in. DS ran away from him clutching cuddly but now doesn't want to ever visit again. DD is far more compliant to him and threw them away. I'm not going to say any more about her reaction as I'd like to gage MN response.

If your DC still have cuddlies, how old are they?

That's awful. My DC are 6 and 8 and would be distraught at being made to do this. Did you rescue the cuddles? I would question letting them stay over at his. Why the issue with them having a favourite toy?

Joanne my 44 year old BIL still sleeps with his teddie he had since birth.

OP, your ex is a bastard, your poor dc.

A cruel and controlling man. How absolutely horrid. Clearly no matter what you do or say is not going to work with such a man. He is using any means to control you and your children even though you are no longer together. I'm at a loss for words to be honest.

Misc assortment.
Thank you that's such a wonderful idea.... Will get my thinking hat on

What a cunt.

Dd is 12 and has a bedroom full, many of which share the bed. And her special one that always goes on sleepovers. Even on the y7 residential dd said most girls had one, with a couple who had little baby blankets.

Mine isn't in my bed anymore, nor do I take it away, however still in my bedroom. But in a fire after dd & animals I'd grab it alo with photos as the first thing I'd save.

Oh and yes. Rescued cuddlies and they were washed and dried and back in her arms within the hour Miele love it thank goodness.

I could see her heart pounding outside her tshirt. She was distraught and couldn't run her sentences together.

I am 39 and still own my blankie (I don't sleep with it.) I have a Mog and various teddies also.
DS will be keeping his, if he doesn't want them I'll look after them for him.
Your ex is mean

I didn't have a toy, but a special cuddlie pillow. I cant remember not having it, so it must have been on my bed from being very young. It is like this

After several regenerations, I still have a special cuddlie pillow, even though DH sometimes complains that it pushes him off the bed. I genuinely can't sleep properly without it. I have even taken it on holiday with me

Your ExH is a horrible arse to take the cuddlies away from your DC.

BTW, I am nearly 50yo. And not to old for a special cuddlie pillow.

I sucked my thumb until I was 23 and still have my childhood cuddlies on the drawers by my bed. long irrelevant story

Given he is so aggressively any cuddles - maybe a toy car or similar for DS?

Charm/ jewellery for DD ?

For what it's worth, a decent father doesn't behave like that....

A few years back now but my DH has been known to turn car and caravan around and go back several miles when DD has forgotten special cuddlies needed at bed time.... She'd have been around 6 or 7 at the time!

Dd 23 still has "baby Jesus" (her favourite doll) stuffed at the side of her bed and various other cuddlies from when she was a child. Dd 13 has a bed full of teddies and ds 21's teddies are hidden in a cupboard, he keeps them "for memories"
Your ex is an abusive twat from what you write there is no need whatsoever to be so cruel and unfeeling.

My DS, 12, still has his favourite from when he was 1 1/2 and it not much more than a piece of string (it was a Kaloo Doudoo in a former life). He will get rid of it when he is ready and not before. My mother told me a few years ago to take it from him but I refused. As a side note, I watched my mother burn all my cuddlles in the garden when I was 6. This is why I am happy for my DS to decide when Doudoo is no longer necessary.

By the way, my dads mother was a very unstable and unpleasant woman. Out of the many many cruel things she did, the one that stuck with my father throughout his whole life was when he arrived home from school to an empty bedroom. His mother had gone through and chucked every toy, teddy, blanket and anything 'childish'. Time to grow up apparently.

The damage she did stated with him the whole of his life. So yes, comfort objects are important, and a healthy way of navigating the world as children grow.

Your X is a nasty bastard. I would be livid. Does he think people don't keep theirs, I have mine from childhood and my DC all have theirs. How dare he bully his children that way. I wouldn't be happy with them staying with him. Fucking twat.

Is this contact court ordered?

What an absolutely cruel bastard your dh sounds.

All my 4 had cuddlies and all still have them. They are 26,25,17,15.

I can't begin to understand the mentality of an adult who would think this is a kind thing to do.

It's evil behaviour and emotional abuse.

I agree with misc , it does sound that it is much more about pissing you off than anything else .

Does he actually want the children to stay at his or do you think he might be making things tricky so they won't come ?

My ds had a tricky couple of weeks at school when he was younger and I have him a tiny worry doll he could put in his pocket and just feeling it was there really helped .

DD age 11 owns about 100 cuddlies.
On any random night at least 20 are in her bed.

[cuddles] phew the kids are lucky to have you.

miscellaneous

Your poor dad. What an evil cow. I hope she's alone now or dead. I hate cruel bullies.

I also think you should speak to someone about this, such as a support person at school. Ask advice on supporting your children, and let them know your ex scares them.

If you ever did get to the point of going to court if you become more concerned about access, it would support your case if you can show you were concerned enough to ask for help and you will have a record of others' involvement with helping your children. Otherwise your ex could argue you made it all up or it wasnt really a problem.

Jesus wept, your ex is a cunt.

Oh me too so glad op. Well done you.