Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DC, bed time cuddlies, age and removing them....?

202 replies

Nocuddlies · 08/07/2016 17:08

NC obviously.

My DC are barely 9 and 6. The last three years my ex and I have been divorcing. Things have pretty terrible, he's passive aggressive and I've been in counselling two years coming to terms with his behaviour, including the affair he had. Not the point of this thread.

So bedtime cuddlies. My two DC both still very much have to have their favourite cuddlies for bed every night.

Ex has not allowed them to have their cuddlies at his house last weekend. He says they are fine about it. He walked DC to the wheelie bin outside my house and made them throw their cuddlies in. DS ran away from him clutching cuddly but now doesn't want to ever visit again. DD is far more compliant to him and threw them away. I'm not going to say any more about her reaction as I'd like to gage MN response.

If your DC still have cuddlies, how old are they?

OP posts:
MiscellaneousAssortment · 08/07/2016 20:31

I bet it made him shiver with the power of knowing he could hurt his children and make them bend to his will. Ugh, sick wanker.

Imagine how small and weak you'd have to be to need to demonstrate that you can make your own daughter scared enough to throw away her comfort object... So, when can we kill him No?

I'm so glad the worry eaters went down ok. Ds may find his grows on him when he has his own to cuddle. If not you can cross that bridge when you come to it. I think that DD sounds so very vulnerable in this, so very very glad she's feeling a bit better.

ViveLesVacances · 08/07/2016 21:20

We had a big, hulking 16 year old (son of family friend) come and stay for a month in the holidays, as we live abroad.

I was putting some laundry on his bed one day, and what do you know, in his suitcase was a very much loved teddy.

Love the socks of the big jessie

StarryIllusion · 08/07/2016 21:30

What a tosser.

misc bastard has to sleep sometime. Grin

RiverTam · 08/07/2016 21:35

DD is 6 and would be beyond distraught if her blankie was thrown away. I mean, I could see it affecting her for a very long time, it's that cruel. There is absolutely no reason why a child has to grow out of their special bedtime toys, absolutely none whatsoever. Christ, I'm 44 and I still have mine, as does DH.

So angry for you and your DC, OP. What an utter utter cunt. He doesn't deserve children.

QueenofLouisiana · 08/07/2016 21:39

A cuddly is non-negotiable on my yr6 residential trip. That includes teachers and TAs!

DS is 11 and his cuddlies are more evident at the moment as secondary transfer week approaches. Sometimes we all need some old friend cuddles.

Farmmummy · 08/07/2016 21:43

There are no words this actually hurt to read! Dd1 has cookie a jellycat dog got for an emergency on holiday when she was 1 and her original "doggy" who had been mine got stolen by a dog walker (don't ask!) and she picked him herself after being in floods (cost a fortune but 5 years later he's her well loved best friend).Dd2 is 16 months and is utterly besotted with a giant cow we won at an agricultural show she calls it Archie and it's bigger than her lol. Their hearts would break if someone especially their "dad" made them chuck them. Well done for mounting a rescue and what a brilliant idea the worry monsters are (resisting getting one for me!)

Swirlingasong · 08/07/2016 21:51

I'm afraid I haven't read the full thread, but your op made me feel physically sick. What a horrible, horrible man. How could anyone do that to a child?

captainproton · 08/07/2016 22:05

This reminds me of the day I came home from school aged about 9 or 10 to find all my toys had been taken to the tip. Mum having decided I was now too old for toys. She had let me keep my special bear. I was distraught for days (even now in my 30's it affects me) I can't believe she did it. But if she had thrown away my beloved rabbit I really do think I would have had a breakdown. so glad you salvaged them. In the end your children will grow up and decide for themselves if they want to spend time with their dad or not. He's not going about it the right way!

BeenThereTooSEL · 08/07/2016 22:07

Take something he's emotionally attached to and bully him into throwing it in the bin.

MetalMidget · 08/07/2016 22:13

That's horrific. :(

I've still got my much loved cuddly - she doesn't sleep in the bed anymore, but she sits proudly atop the drawers. I'm 36!

Admittedly, I'm not a parent yet (nearly 38 weeks pregnant!), but I'd more take the approach that the kids decide when to pack their toys away, not have it forced on them and thrown out because CHILDHOOD IS OVER.

TinySalmon · 08/07/2016 22:31

I had my teddy bear in bed till I was 25! And then I moved in with DP and was too embarrassed to take teddy, but he lives on a shelf in the house.

My parents never had a problem with me having multiple cuddlies in bed with me even through my teenage years. Obviously I'd hide them when boys slept over so they didn't think I was lame or weird :)

When your DC are ready to give them up they will, but I think it's mean of your XH to completely disallow them.

Lexilooo · 08/07/2016 22:35

Wow! Is his name Rob Titchenor?

RubbleBubble00 · 08/07/2016 22:40

my husbands childhood teddy is staring at my right now from the top f the wardrobe. my ds's (8,5,3) would be distraught without their special soft toy they each have. They always look for it going to bed

SirChenjin · 08/07/2016 22:41

My 17 in 4 weeks DD still has a blanket that she takes to bed with her. She does not let me wash it and assures me she will never get rid of it - and neither will I.

Fitzsimmons · 08/07/2016 23:04

I'm heartbroken reading this. I lived with my Dad and his very abusive ex-wife when I was a child. She did many appalling things to my brother and I, (beatings, name callings etc) but the one that always stuck with me is when she made me throw my cuddley unicorn away along with most of my other toys. Please don't let your ex get away with it.

Parky04 · 08/07/2016 23:21

My 16 year old son still has 'diggy' his cuddly dog. Love the way he still wraps his fingers around the ears!

janey77 · 08/07/2016 23:28

This has made me really sad. My 5 year old has been attached to her Lambie since she was 2. In her words she's her top cuddler (more than me and my partner lol). When she's been naughty I've sometimes threatened to make Lambie into Lambie Chops, but she knows it's a joke. I've just passed my first ever teddy bear (who is very old now) over to her. I really don't know how he could do that to his kids tbh Sad

PrincessHairyMclary · 08/07/2016 23:33

Still have the teddy I was brought when born. It's been around the World with me, to Uni and now lives in DDs bed.
I'd keep them at your house and not send them to dads, they'll sleep without them eventually but no need to get rid, they won't sleep with them forever but are great to keep especially if they are struggling transitioning at the moment and not feeling entirely secure down to the nature of separated families.

EveOnline2016 · 08/07/2016 23:34

I'm 30 and I still have my tatty, smelly old bear.

It is still on my bed. I don't think there is an age where you should part with a much loved possession

planeymcplaneface · 08/07/2016 23:39

My ds has his wee nacho who is a black lab teddy which i got from build a bear before he was born as my dog nacho is a lab x staffy. If anyone tried to take/make him get rid of it god help them

SamWheat · 08/07/2016 23:40

Oh God, that's horrible! Sorry, but it is. Even my 12 year old would be traumatised if you threw "Ted" away.
His version of cuddly. Just why would you?!

SomeDaysIDontGiveAMonkeys · 08/07/2016 23:55

Even my dogs go to bed with their cuddlies every night and won't settle without little piggy, mummy piggy, ducky, puppy baby, pinky rabbit, fluffy bunny, panda and hot dog, oh and one of my old sweatshirts Grin

GirlSailor · 08/07/2016 23:55

I was on bloody tenterhooks until you said you'd rescued them, op.

My dd is 7 months and has inherited my toys. My mum has a beautiful old bear from her childhood still. I knew a few people at university who's favourite toys came with them. The friends whose parents got rid of their toys all tell it as their worst childhood memory.

Toys belong to the child, we all have things that mean a lot to us. When the child outgrows needing the toy they can still enjoy it as a memento of childhood.

JessieMcJessie · 08/07/2016 23:55

I still have my childhood teddy bears. I take one of them to bed with me if sleeping alone (they have seen me through several miserable between-relationship periods). I recently returned from living abroad and they were carefully packed into hand luggage as I just could not take the risk of checking them in or sending them with the shipping container.

When I was 25 I was living in London and got news that my Dad had been taken seriously ill at home in Scotland. I had to rush to his bedside (sadly he died before I got there). On leaving home in a panic I instinctively grabbed Big Ted, even though I had at that time been living with my partner for a couple of years and had relegated Ted to a cupboard. I remember his head sticking out of my rucksack in Euston station and a little child pointing at me and saying to his Mum- "Look, she's got Teddy". I think that might be the part of the whole memory of that awful time that makes me cry the most.

Your ex is a cunt.

Junosmum · 09/07/2016 00:10

I'm 32. Ted still loves on my bed. Sod your ex. And I do not have lots of cuddlies (ted is the only one).

Swipe left for the next trending thread