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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DC, bed time cuddlies, age and removing them....?

202 replies

Nocuddlies · 08/07/2016 17:08

NC obviously.

My DC are barely 9 and 6. The last three years my ex and I have been divorcing. Things have pretty terrible, he's passive aggressive and I've been in counselling two years coming to terms with his behaviour, including the affair he had. Not the point of this thread.

So bedtime cuddlies. My two DC both still very much have to have their favourite cuddlies for bed every night.

Ex has not allowed them to have their cuddlies at his house last weekend. He says they are fine about it. He walked DC to the wheelie bin outside my house and made them throw their cuddlies in. DS ran away from him clutching cuddly but now doesn't want to ever visit again. DD is far more compliant to him and threw them away. I'm not going to say any more about her reaction as I'd like to gage MN response.

If your DC still have cuddlies, how old are they?

OP posts:
Vlier · 08/07/2016 17:20

Im 37 and dont sleep with bunny anymore but he is safely put away in plastic in a box in the attic. I will not throw him away, he used to be my best friend. I have my mums favorite doll sitting in a new dress on the bookcase. mum was 62 when she died and told me I had to put dolly somewhere where she could see stuff and not in a box. Will keep her till I die.

Original poster
Nocuddlies · 08/07/2016 17:21

Howlongtillbedtime

I'm glad you mentioned about DD compliance.

Again we disagree completely (well he does)
She is scared of him. But again he won't be told that.

OP posts:
Acopyofacopy · 08/07/2016 17:22

"Your dad is an arse and doesn't want you to have cuddlies at his house. Let's respect his house rules and they will be waiting for you at home." is the most dignified thing I can come up with.

Joanne0620 · 08/07/2016 17:22

Sorry but your ex is just a cruel twat.

My DS is nearly 10 and has cuddlies, I'm 43 and have a cuddlie AND a blankie.

Maybe I'm just weird?

Vlier · 08/07/2016 17:22

Poor kids

Howlongtillbedtime · 08/07/2016 17:24

I wouldn't even try and argue with him .

Just tell him that you are happy for them to have cuddlies and you have given them new ones and if he throws them away to expect a bill .

And if your son chooses not to go to dad's then your ex will miss out not your ds.

TheHobbitMum · 08/07/2016 17:24

What! Unbelievable, what a cockwomble your ex is! Mine have teddies and they are 15- 8yrs old. They will never be made to do that, there is nothing wrong with kids having comfort if they want it. I'm pretty shocked and saddened by this. I know my youngest especially would be completely devastated by this, she has huge attachments to her 100s of cuddlies

Gileswithachainsaw · 08/07/2016 17:26

Wtf is the harm with a teddy ffs.

you are never too old fir teddies.

what an absolute cock

Mouikey · 08/07/2016 17:26

I'm 40 and have a bear!!! I have my one from a baby in a dolls bed in my babies bedroom and my own! I did wean myself off when I got with my DH (about 15 years ago) for about 6 months - he then bought me a bear and that was that! Sad, but I've never slept well without one!!!!

Mouikey · 08/07/2016 17:27

Ps I have a good job, lovely friends and stable relationship even with my bear!!!

bigTillyMint · 08/07/2016 17:27

DD is almost 17 and still sucks her thumb as do at least 3 of her friends.
DS had a cloth (muslin square) until literally his 12th birthday and his voice broke and he binned it.

They will stop if and when they are ready. There is no problem with anyone having some sort of comforter Angry

badtime · 08/07/2016 17:28

Why does he think they need to be forced to grow out of them?
I have never heard of someone doing this, and yet most people manage to go on to lead normal lives.
What does he think will happen if he doesn't do this?

Creampastry · 08/07/2016 17:28

Your ex is twat of the highest order .... Serious shirt thing to do

Creampastry · 08/07/2016 17:29

Shitty thing to do

Original poster
Nocuddlies · 08/07/2016 17:29

Why do I even take breath to judge myself over his warped view?

Absolutely no one agrees with his 'decision'.

When you add in his other behaviour, at best he's lazy and at worst he's abusive.

OP posts:
Porcupinetree · 08/07/2016 17:29

What an utter shit!

My husband and I both have our favourite cuddly toys in our room, they sit next to each other, although sometimes our daughters favourite stuffed toy joins them. My older sister also has her much loved toy in her house.

BackforGood · 08/07/2016 17:30

My ds (20) has some of his cuddlies still - high on a shelf, didn't go to university with him, but wouldn't want to throw them away.
dd (17) has one special one that lives on her bed
dd (14) has some knocking about her room but is less bothered.
me (51) still have my childhood ted in my wardrobe.

Your ex sounds like an unbelievably cruel and nasty man.

JennyOnAPlate · 08/07/2016 17:31

What an utter cunt he is. My dds would be absolutely distraught at having to put their beloved teddies in the bin. I imagine they would both cry for hours. They are 8 and 6.

I'm mid thirties and I still have my childhood teddy.

YoureAllABunchOfBastards · 08/07/2016 17:31

What a fucking cock. Cruel bastard

BlunderWomansCat · 08/07/2016 17:33

What a bastard Angry
I've got my dads teddy from childhood and my ds (27) still has 'cudy cat' (he doesn't sleep with it, I must add).
Transitional objects (which is what cuddlies are) are very important. He sounds like an abusive, nasty cunt. I'm not surprised your ds doesn't want to go back. Your poor dc's Sad

Roundles · 08/07/2016 17:33

I'm 34 and rarely sleep a night without the bear I was given at six months old :)

sonlypuppyfat · 08/07/2016 17:33

DS is 17 great big lad into power lifting and even he's got a Teddy bear, your ex is a cruel bastard

MiscellaneousAssortment · 08/07/2016 17:34

Did you fish the cuddlies out of your bin? I'm a bit confused why he threw them at your house? For me that signals it's much more a power thing about you and the DC, rather than their father actually believing he's doing the right thing for his children. However it is good if that means you can rescue them, even if you just hide them at the moment, so not to add to dd's confusion.

But I think you should help protect your DC from their (vile) father by making a new rule; cuddlies stay at home in your house and they go without at his house.

No point in trying to enforce anything at his house as it won't work and you don't have that authority anyway. Just like he doesn't have the authority to dictate what happens in your home.

I suspect that this whole issue is about him 'winning' and showing he still has the power to control you and both children. If you engage with it, it will give him something to gnaw at, and give him power.

Concentrate on helping your kids cope whilst at their fathers. I'd be finding a new object to comfort and remind them of home, that they can use safely eg a keyring, a locket with a thread from their blanket/cuddly toy, a little charm to go in their pocket etc.

isthistoonosy · 08/07/2016 17:35

1 and 3 but neither has a special toy / cuddly never have had. 1,yr old takes stacking cups to bed most nights, 3 yr old sometimes takes a hard baby doll and then moans she has owwed him during the night. Hmm

You ex is a twat though but I.guess you knew that already Wink

Goingtobeawesome · 08/07/2016 17:36

My son is 15. I often see his teddy on his bed.

Your ex is horrible.

Teach your DD to be less compliant to bullies.

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